"How do I get my dog to respond to me when we are outdoors" - Has this question ever come up for you? Then I promise, you're not alone. And this is a good starting point for you.
What is recall? Basically, you're trying to get an individual's attention and get them to listen to what you are saying. So, when we look at it as communication, then it's worth looking at what is necessary for successful communication
1️⃣ A successful communication happens when the parties involved are well-regulated
2️⃣ Successful communication also requires the parties to have an established trust and respect for each other
3️⃣ Successful communication means it's a 2-way communication
So how does this translate to outdoor communication with our dogs? Watch the video where my husband communicates with Laddoo - a free living dog who is "untrained" but has an amazing relationship with us. So what went well for us here?
👏 Laddoo was well-regulated. My husband was well-regulated too. The direction in such Laddoo was headed was restricted for dogs. This could've easily been a space where my husband or I could've panicked and responded in a stressed manner. But we remained regulated and Laddoo was too. This definitely worked in our favor.
👏 If Laddoo had to respect what we are asking of him, then we had to consistently establish a relationship where he knew he could trust us if we ask him something. This means that we don't randomly and unnecessarily keep establishing boundaries. Boundaries need to be established very mindfully.
👏 So what does it mean to establish boundaries mindfully? In this entire visit, we established boundary with Laddoo only twice. Both times when he was heading to a place that was restricted or unsafe for him. This ensures that when we call him and try to get his attention, he knows it's with good reason.
👏 We were in the right kind of environment that allowed us to slow down, be well regulated, be just rightly stimulated and not over
We have spent enough time with Laddoo and Lady to know that their equation is different with each other depending on the situation - they are friends and buddies outside, they get angry with each other and then immediately also play with each other. It's also different depending on who is in the house first.
So there are occasions when this kind of tension ensues between them.
If you watch the video, you'll see that all I needed to do was a simple gesture of my hand to reassure them both. You don't see any stress, any shouting. No running to find some treats to call them off and reward then for de-escalating. No scolding for escalating or getting angry. All it took was a simple hand gesture. And not a gesture that we trained them to understand. But something they inherently are able to interpret.
Often it's thought that the only way to reduce this tension is by training. But how do you "train" dogs who are as independent and autonomous as our street dogs?
These are times when we start thinking beyond training. And that's where our approach comes in.
I've had clients who come to me after they've tried all training approaches and they didn't work. I was that person too. We tried all training with Zoey and nothing worked. Of course she was labelled a stubborn dog. Of course people said she is untrainable.
We feel that there's nothing wrong with training, the dog instead is the problem. Why not take a step back and question if there's something wrong with the approach itself?
#dogbehaviour #bodylanguagecommunication #humananimalinteraction #interspeciescommunication #beyondtraining
They are sayin doing things with our dogs that do not involve training is "anthropomorphic nonsense".
Clearly my husband and Zoey did not get the memo on this. Look at him singing to her and her asking to be closer to him! 😍 Please ignore all the bad singing in the background!
On a serious note though, can we please normalize finding deeper connections doing the everyday mundane things with our dogs and not have the urge to call it "unnatural" or "anthropomorphic"?
Why do we fear seeing our dogs capable of this form of connection? Why do we fear the idea of connection while seemingly doing nothing? Is it possibly because nobody offered us connection in that manner? Is it because nobody modeled this for us?
I didn't have a frame of reference for Gentle Parenting and it was a journey to figure what connection meant, what communication meant, what attachment meant and also how they all are so complicated and isn't always a binary! It's not an easy journey because we are often shown that we didn't have what we want to offer to our dogs! But it doesn't give us the right to continue to ignore it and insult and degrade/disrespect those who have found love and connection with their dogs through this journey.
Lady and I sharing a moment of love and connection -
Let's see what is going on in this video that I'm so glad was captured by our camera.
I called Lady and invited her for an interaction which I initially did to call her off and away from Zoey. Usually, these situations are high conflict in the house and I did this to let everyone feel safe and have everyone's needs met!
And Lady immediately responded and it allowed for a completely present moment for us. When she comes to me, I leave what I was doing and give her my undivided attention.
Watch how I establish connection with her:
👀 Eye contact
😊 Smile
🫶 Touch
🗣 Voice
And sometimes this is all our dogs need from us. Undivided attention from us even for a few seconds while not expecting anything and doing seemingly nothing!
This will remain a special moment between Lady and I ❤️
I got this question during my recent live - How do you set boundaries with a recently adopted shelter dog with less or no boundaries?
The first step is always to understand their behaviours and meet their needs. There is more to it too and I spoke about it on the Live.
If you're struggling with boundary setting, then you should check out that portion of the Live stream.
Do you have any thoughts? Any questions? Share them in the comments and I'll address them in the next Live on Wednesday 😊
(Dog parents, dog parenting, dog behaviour, boundary setting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting of dogs)
This is a video captured by our house camera when we were not at home. The one in the video is Bala. He has newly learnt to climb over the wall into the house. But when we are home, he has not needed to climb out. We offer to open the gate for him when he needs to go out.
I happened to see how Bala worked through this situation to find his way out. Our dogs (irrespective of being free roaming or companion dogs) have such great cognitive abilities, problem solving skills. This video is just one of many to attest to their abilities and I find it so fascinating!
In my observations of free roaming dogs (or street dogs), I've learnt that when we can provide space, agency, choice and an environment helping our dogs emotionally regulate themselves, our companion dogs are great problem solvers too. They exhibit such great smartness. This is why observations on street dogs are so critical when we want to provide an optimum life for our companion dogs. They show us the vast capabilities of dogs!
Let me know your thoughts on how he solved this problem in front of him!
For a very long time, I had not experienced what non-transactional relationships feel like. This unconditional way of showing up for someone you love and care about without judgement on their choices and their behaviours. Then I started my journey with BACBED from Bharcs and I found authenticity in relationships - my relationship with my family, my dogs, my partner and even myself.
I realized that conditioning a response doesn't bring authenticity. I learnt that authenticity requires acceptance, acknowledgement, respect, curiosity and support.
In the video, you see Zoey get flustered because Bala has blocked her way to get back. I could just as easily get Zoey to give me behaviours that are not restless. I could also forcibly lure her to cross with Bala sitting there (which can, in many cases, cause reactivity from the dog in Bala's position).
Instead, my first step was to accept and acknowledge her restlessness and her difficultly in the situation. I approached the door threshold to support Zoey to cross the threshold while I reassured Bala and Zoey that they are not going to be harmed and that I was there for them in that situation to protect them both.
You see, for me to communicate this to my dog and a street dog that I've not known for very long, I need to build honest, authentic, non-transactional relationship with them both! I really wish more of us get to experience what this feels like.
I can see the resistance in my previous post because people have equated rewards to good and positive relationships. And I'll paraphrase the analogy Sindhoor gave me - "just because your boss gives you a million dollars because you do the work they want you to do doesn't mean they love you and you have an authentic, caring, loving relationship with them". That's not how relationships work and it's unfortunate that many of us, including me in the past, never have experienced such relationships!
Here's hoping more and more of us get to experience it. For me, the sta
Cooperative Care should mean cooperation from the individual being handled. And cooperation cannot happen with control, force, distraction or behaviour suppression.
Zoey had an eye infection that needed drops. The video you see is the first time ever that we had to put drops for her. And Zoey is very strong with her boundaries when it comes to administering medicines or grooming and handling her.
But watching this video, you'd never imagine this. That's the power of building trust and respecting consent and buy in from our dogs!
The key is go slow, be patient, take breaks and connect with your dog!
#cooperativecare #respectdogs #consent #cooperationandcollaboration #gentleparenting #gentleparentingofdogs #dogparenting #dogparents
(Cooperative care, respect dogs, consent matters, respecting consent of our dogs, cooperation and collaboration, gentle parenting, gentle parenting of dogs, dog parenting)
Yesterday, I was sitting in a session about mental health and the facilitator said something that I'm paraphrasing here - "it's important to know your therapist's position to you - are they an expert or are you an expert about yourself."
For far too long, we humans, as trainers or as caregivers, have made ourselves the expert about our dogs. And then, we tell our dogs what they should do, how they should behave, what activities they need and don't need, what kind of social environment and interactions are good and not good for them.
But can we take a step back? Can we, with humility, accept that our dogs are the authority figure on themselves? They are the experts of their lives? That I'll never know better than them?
Once I made this transition as a Dog parent and of course as a Dog Behaviour Professional, I saw my relationship with my dogs change. I was no longer the one who knew better. I was now the one who listened to the those who knew (the dogs). And then I showed up for them, facilitated what they needed, became their support system and their safe space!
#dogbehaviour #dogparenting #gentleparentingofdogs #gentleparenting #learningfromdogs #dogsknowbest #dogprofessional #dogbehaviourist #humilityiskey
(Dog behaviour, dog parenting, gentle parenting of dogs, learning from dogs, dogs know about dogs, dog professional, dog behaviour expert, dog behaviorist, humans need humility)
Cooperative Care with Connection, Respect, Trust and Consent!
When I wanted to make this post, I Googled the definition of cooperative care to understand what is the technical definition of the word. A common definition is that it's a form of training of behaviours that gets the animals to actively participate in their handling and care.
I looked at some Youtube videos and they all had rewarding the animals with treats for cooperating with their handling.
Here's Bala and me. At the point where the video started, my husband had tried to look at Bala and see if there was a tick on him and Bala felt a little uncomfortable and walked away. That's where you see me come and sit at the threshold to see if he's willing to let me check him and see what's going on.
I let him take this at his pace - no restrain, no treats, no muzzle, no force. Mind you, Bala isn't even a dog who has fully developed a secure relationship with me or my husband. He's a bit skittish and comes over to our house in the evenings to have food and rest a little. He never enters the house fully, just resting at the threshold or goes up to our terrace.
If he can trust me and let me check him and handle him, then our companion dogs can too. The only thing we need is for us to really use respect and consent when we do this and really go slow. As my mentor @sindhoorpangal says it, if you think you're going slow, go slower.
PS - I don't even know why my husband and I are talking in the background 🫣 Please ignore!
#cooperativecare #respectanimals #consentmatters #doghandling #dogbehaviour #dogparenting #cooperationandcollaboration #gentleparenting #gentleparentingofdogs
(Cooperative care, respect animals, consent by dogs, dog behaviour, dog parenting, cooperation and collaboration, gentle parenting, gentle parenting of dogs)
I saw @ammatoday 's recent post. It was so lovely. And what stayed with me was "behind every behaviour, there's a story"!
That's a good way to go beyond labels and determining our dogs as stubborn or aggressive or "untrainable" and really think about the story behind their behaviours.
So tell me. What's the story behind your dog's behaviour? Share in the comments below!
#dogbehaviour #dogparenting #gentleparenting #gentleparentingofdogs #storybehindbehavior
(Dog behaviour, dog parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting of dogs, story behind your dog's behaviour)
I specialize in understanding canine behaviour and aiding the dog parents in adopting a holistic app
