29/08/2021
Dear Frenchampers Customer,
Congratulations on acquiring your French Bulldog.
Please find the instructions for your particular model listed below:
Although your frenchie comes fully assembled, due to particular issues during production, we do occasionally have issues with components such as screws. They invariably are either loose or missing altogether.
Mode 1: This is the sleep mode, activated for the majority of the day as the frenchie ages. This is normal and you should not worry about it, just accept the peace and quiet while you can. Sleeping with eyes open and tongue out is completely normal do not be concerned.
Mode 2: Psycho. Although we have tried to ease the effect of the Psycho mode, it’s not always possible. There are a few issues with the timer settings of the Psycho mode in regards to there being none. Should your frenchie suddenly go from comatose to running around the walls, we cannot stop this feature. (Also known as zoomies)
Sunlight: Do not allow your frenchie to stay in the sun too long. They can burn if left unattended but they also recharge. Too much of a charge and mode 2 can be activated without warning.
Energy consumption: This has been an ongoing issue as their energy consumption is constant. We have tried to put baffles, non return valves and diversions in place but none seem to work adequately. Safe to say what goes in comes out, in both solids and gas. The gas, although noxious, can only inhibit breathing of the owner for up to ten minutes.
Naming: Your frenchie comes untitled as we feel owners should use names of their own. If you are unsure, we have listed below a few names our owners like to use:
You’re kidding me
Is that yours?
Don’t you dare
Leave it
OMFG
As***le
Put that down
Why?
Get that out of your mouth
Seriously?
The zipper: We ask you not to try to open the frenchie zipper on their belly as this will invalidate your one hour warranty. Rumours that they are merely toddlers in a dog suit is highly contested.
Software: Your frenchie is pre-installed with the highest software and hardware. This includes the loyalty chip, the love every one chip, fun chip and, of course, the highly popular mayhem chip. They are all running on the What the hell operating system 12.2. Although this has been in circulation for many years, we have found it simply cannot be improved upon.
Should you have any queries you can reach us on 118-what-did-I-do
Thank you.
We hope you have many years of enjoyment with your frenchie. Please be aware that by the time you have read this, your warranty will have run out.
Unfortunately, we do not renew warranties and we do not offer refunds or returns...ever - It’s your problem now.
(Stole this from another page thought it was hilarious 😂)
We hope you're enjoying your endless cuddles at home with your furbaby during this crazy time.
Be safe xx
