12/03/2025
Boundaries are important. I often see that the human is not aware of boundaries and also afraid to use enough energy to communicate about boundaries effectively. It will not harm the relationship with the horse in any way, on the contrary, it will improve!
All that’s needed is clarity and consistency, and meeting the horse at its energy level.
You know, I had a horse teach me a really good lesson the other day, stereotypical as it seems.
I have a mare who’s really difficult to keep with other horses. She randomly double barrels them and is really dangerous.
It’s like she doesn’t know how to communicate in normal escalating horse language like ear pinning, posturing, etc.
She has lots of room, lots of food, but she will go from 0 to 60 in the blink of an eye.
She bullies everyone. Everyone’s terrified of her, and she has no friends, it’s actually kind of sad.
Enter a horse who was having none of it. Met her butt to butt and backed up the entirety of the corral threatening to double barrel her.
Never laid a foot on her, took blows themselves, but wouldn’t back down.
My mare ran off, confused, stopped and stared at them, and hasn’t bullied anyone since.
Now, this isn’t the whole story, though.
The rest of the story is, now, for the first time since I’ve had her, she’s hanging out with the other horses, being social, and experimenting with grooming and touches.
See, I could’ve made a lot of excuses for her, and said, maybe she wasn’t socialized well while growing up (she was), maybe she’s had other horses be aggressive to her, or had to resource guard (she hasn’t ), etc.
But like any relationship, none of those excuses matter in the moment.
What matters is, every relationship has to be built on safety and boundaries first, then you get the love and acceptance.
I’m not saying we need to get physical with our horses and use the old ‘horses kick each other harder than that’ trope, but I am saying, we need to offer them clarity about what is and isn’t safe around us, as well as what is and isn’t a positive way of interacting.
And that’s not just for us, that’s for their well-being, just like that mare showed me.
Probably the most important thing to be taken away from this is, we don’t have to be afraid of boundaries.
That horse who said no, you’re not allowed to do that to me, became my mare’s best friend within 5 minutes, like nothing had ever happened.
This was a very energetically intense interaction. That horse met my mare at her intensity, but my mare came away with no fear, because it wasn’t a punishment, it wasn’t a random attack, it was just a very clear boundary-setting that stopped as soon as my mare released the pressure herself.
Boundaries will NEVER harm the relationship, they’ll always improve it. I promise.
That goes for any relationship.