White Wolf Integral Coaching

01/21/2024

A Friend of mine made the mistake of asking me what I thought about our world being divided. I felt like writing about it after my morning meditation.... I named it - A Face Alone.

A face alone tells the truth. Beyond the lies of tribe and illusions of loyalty to a cause. The mind warps the real makeup of beings, of earth and the spirit of all creatures to fit within their constantly in crumbling walls…

Walls made of hate, of fear, of loneliness - even in the crowded room, we pretend there are with us and those against us…. It all caves. But mind comes up short against the wind, the rain and the storms - these have their way.

The risk, the act of shattering the thick cloud of fear we have exhaled between us - with our cold, rapid and wasted breath, our foggy denial of presence is crystalized.

Only to look and see the single face – and yes, each face one at a time settles the fear. If just to hush the noise of how we can dive into the murky depth of our made-up differences, it is a beginning. So as to say/to think; "we are not so separate and so alien."

To learn as the heart teaches – thinking does nothing to severe the roots of our connectedness. In every cell, in the spiritual and holy mystery, we are all bound together. This is what scares us most.

To see the pain, to know the suffering behind the eyes, we know what binds us together. In the intuitive spiraling light within us, we know we have either been there, or we will be there.

Paradox – I am nothing without knowing my unknowing and the knowing and unknowing of the other. My heart longs for being – for being something to someone or at least only to myself.

The soul weeps for touch even as the mind figures, chronicles, and creates so many stories to keep the other away – far enough to be at a safe distance. Weeps to just be held and whole for one small moment as we are broken into pieces – again and again. We are so strong / we are so weak.

So, the question of the heart is asked – what If I risk seeing the other – the outcast, the stranger, the ones so different (though not so different) from me? The heart’s answer finds there is no static safety – only a journey that calls to the beating breast, with chords of compassion.

DCE -1/20/24

12/03/2023

To my beloved Sister:

Yesterday I had a breakthrough awareness about my want and desire, for life to be fair. It was all triggered by the recent waves of suffering in our world, or to be clear, the way I saw it in my world.
I first accepted that the human response to what is, includes the dualistic way we attempt to make sense “of it all”, instead of acknowledging whatever it is – IS. I acknowledged that for a good part of my life, as I engaged in religious dualistic battles daily. I was in the business of theo-explaining on this or that. I was out Job-ing Job’s friends because I thought people deserved, needed, and wanted answers. (See the book of Job from Wisdom literature, if you are not familiar with the story)

I am reminded of what I once heard as words of futility from Jesus for example – “The poor will always be with us…” These words have now turned into the truth about the power of an open heart. Jesus didn’t offer this as an answer – he offered it as being true.
Not all things are fair, as I remember Mark Nepo saying when I heard him speak about his fight with cancer. He said, "But all things are true, and only an open heart can start to make sense of how. Because that helps us when we keep choosing between right and wrong, we spend our energy sorting life rather than living it. It doesn't mean that there aren't things that are cruel or evil or hurt or unjust, but only from the wholeness of life can we see how the spirit in a body can navigate it."

Yes, today I see this - Living life is the most important and powerful way to be. My beloved sister is fighting cancer. She is the model beautiful person I know who not only sees this cognitively, but she is living it…. She is living with the suffering in light and darkness. She has one of the most open hearts of all the people I have known. I just want her to know – everyone who really knows her, knows this truth. Love is everything to her, and this is the beginning and end to knowing how healing an open heart can be.

Love you Carol!

12/27/2022

All about Creature Connection:

I have not written anything on this page for a very long time. Not because I stopped thinking or feeling about things… I just had not felt a strong enough need to do so.

Late last night, I had perhaps the most challenging time I experienced in probably 10 years. I am not writing this as some “truth” eternal experience or formulation – what I am writing is about a depth of connection I was offered from another creature. No promises of it being anything to anyone else. It is not an argument or opinion – it’s just what happened. A partner in life, one I truly walked… and ran with just died while I held his head.
15 years ago, we brought a little loner-runt home. It was Joel’s Birthday (my youngest son) and he wanted a dog. We followed a beloved friend’s lead on where to find a pup and we brought Rex home in a cardboard box.

The scene at the farm was what seemed like a 150 – but it was more like 15 little pups weaving in and out of our legs, prancing and bouncing like flubber footed fur balls. Not the Rex-ster, as we often called him. He was sitting in the corner, shy and small. Joel went over to him and from that moment on he was the Rex of loving.

When I turned 40, I had what I thought was a revelatory thought about my own two boys – Cale and Joel. I saw them, for reasons I will not go into, as individuated wonderous creatures. I no longer needed or wanted to see them as some weird extension of me.
I allude to this revelation, because this was no different than the way Rex had integrated himself into our family. In short, to me at least, he was not “my dog” – he was much more. He was an angelic fur bearing, heart of gold, full standing hug giver…with his big old paws… he was a wonderful gift! He was his own amazing soul. He was a look you in the eye mystic spirit, all love, all exactly who he was created to be; and with that he changed our lives.

I am not wanting to debate, not trying to prove, not attempting to say you must believe anything I say. I just want to thank whatever force that placed him in our lives for the joy he brought us. I am not over producing his accomplishments or awards. I am not padding his eulogy. I am being honest, honest as I can be without over thinking. Now whatever you think about dogs – that’s fine. If you have not had this pain in your gut, that is fine too. You may not understand and that is okay too. I am only being where I am.

I am in such pain, such total grief about losing him to the next life. But it may be helpful to know that I wouldn’t change it for anything. The cost is so, so worth it. He taught me to love better, to trust more, to hold sacredness with other creatures more deep and real. He taught me that connection does not have anything to do with a bigger brain or being a biped… even though his bestie hugs were given standing on two paws. It is not like the first crush or the lost love I thought I had. On his side, Rex had only the tools of being who he was. Always there, always truthful, always into us.
Here I am tonight laid low by love and high by love. I want to make it clear that as he left us, I was selfish and that’s okay, I guess. I did not want to lose a salve for my wounds, a love that had no motive, and a connection that was without guile. But it can’t be lost. He gave all he was to us. Creature connection is great and small- and the smalls have it.

We love you Rex, thank you for being here with us.

DCE

09/27/2022

Hello World ! I'm 15 minutes old

05/27/2021

When I was a child, our family would often go and do the Memorial Day traditional visitation. We would drive the three hours to my grandparents. It was a day in western Nebraska where we discerned the journey landmark to landmark.

Signs along the way…. The billboards to Pioneer Village, and the stop at A&W if we begged enough. We would drive and elbow bang… we would argue and play the license plate game. Our father would sing some off tuned verses, and we would endure. Packed in a station wagon with real fake wood decals around the doors… we watched for the barn, the windmill, and the final leg across the railroad tracks. Joy coursed through each sibling – for the end of the journey, for the embrace of grandparents.

Today this little thought seemed important to me. Last night I noticed a sunset and it made a difference in the connection I understood in real presence. Below is a sunset picture from the Sandhills that reminds me of those journeys... It is possible to embrace the eternal and timeless tie to love, and it is because that love never dies.

dce

08/27/2020

When Things Fall Apart

If I had to guess, I would imagine that you are with me in feeling that the world is falling apart. I am shocked by the violence, saddened by the death, and deflated by the seeming lack of power to change the way things are.

Lately I have felt repelled by the political rhetoric - it seems empty and more divisive than ever. So in the last few days I turned to a source that has offered me grounded ways of moving forward in the past. Pema Chodron's wisdom in a book named "When things Fall Apart"..... Right? Well, it seems like things have certainly fallen apart!

In the most challenging part of this book, Pema writes about the practice of Tonglen in depth. This practice is simple and profound. "Giving and Receiving". This is all there is. And so today, in the midst of all that is going on, I looked back to her wonderful offerings. I wish to share them in hope that they may also offer you light and direction. Politics aside, I seek to practice these two in love.

"When practicing tonglen, we each breathe in the suffering of the world around us and then when exhaling, we send peace, love, and security to all."

"nonaggression, even and especially when someone has opinions totally different than our own. This is not about “ignoring or keeping quiet” but focusing on adding peace, not more aggression to the world – which never changes or helps anyone."
Pema Chodron

06/28/2020

Lovely

06/03/2020

After talking to my dear friend today I found space in my sad heart. I am not sure this will make sense to anyone... however I want to share. Love to all. D.

Do you remember? Do you remember the sacred moments of tender and loving connection in your life?

Do you remember the pain of loss? Do you remember the fear of when a child was swamped in dread, a marriage broken in misunderstanding, a partner who lost their meaning and reason for being?

Do you remember the death of a parent, a friend, a sacred gift of a soul who shared your cares and dreams? Do you remember the light in their eyes as they looked at you - never to be seen again?

Even if it takes the telling of a story - dreaming of the losses, the pains, the difficulty of another.... even if it takes a bold step into fantasy, it is worth the time to reflect. The story is not the point - the power of our connection is.

Because there is no doubt of the fears, pains, losses, and condition of all human beings. We are one. Every pain is in communion with ours. Every tear a drop from our own eyes, and in joining together with love the healing of every soul.

The truth is before us, and the chance to embrace it and pour it upon our hearts is now... always now.

04/12/2020

The last few days I have been struggling against rest. I didn't realize it at first, until my body rebelled and shouted out to me through aches and pains.

I had been working the physical in order to fill the space that could have been made for silence and rest.

Today I was looking at some articles and found one that called to me. It is a small article by Thich Naht Hanh. In the meditation he uses the image of a stone sinking to the bed of a stream. It does not struggle. It simply falls and rests at the bottom of the stream.

If you are finding it difficult to truly rest, I am posting the article for your consideration here: https://www.lionsroar.com/resting-in-the-river/

Peace to you. Dennis

A teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh on allowing ourselves to rest like a stone thrown into a river. On the bottom of the river, it allows the water to pass by.

03/22/2020

A new virus invades the body and finds weakness. It carries on without pause, without thinking about its course. It cannot offer compassion or discretion. It cannot be empathetic or selfless.
We, however, can maintain our dignity and high self by offering more love than ever before. We can be compassion. We can walk the path of empathy. We can be the best we have ever been to ourselves and one another. We can become the greatest gift to one another and find strength in others and within. Whatever comes, we need not damage or hurt those around us - or those distant from us.
I would only suggest a mantra fill our heads and move to the heart – it can be anything that offers inward strength. An example for me today will be this one… “I offer my heart to the world today. May I breathe in this present moment fully and offer loving kindness to all creatures.” We can be the path to love.
Dennis

02/17/2020

This morning - Sometimes I find a simple meditation of few words to be the most helpful and renewing... Today I found just that - from Hafiz.

THIS SKY -
"This
Sky
Where we live
Is no place to lose your wings
So love, love,
love."

02/13/2020

The world seems fixated on duality. We feel compelled to pick sides. One seems good to us, the other seems bad. The political environment reinforces the drama. People sell books, their loyalties, and their souls. In relationship to the soul, we are not selling them to another person or party, but to nothingness. Fear builds and its release is impossible if we do not deal with it in mindful care every single day.
We hear something being touted as truth… “this way is bad, this way is good”, and we fixate on our chosen side. We cling to dual ways of thinking, and the toxic fumes gather. The air becomes unbreathable. The soil is not transformed into healthy ground for growth. It becomes contaminated with vital compost missing.
Thich Nhat Hanh writes about the powerful tradition of mindfulness and nonduality in a way that can transform the soil and our suffering into growth and a recognition of the powerful cycle of life. My grandmother was a master gardener…. She recycled everything. And so the following words resonated with me strongly. When I first read Thich Nhat Hanh years ago, my ego flashed in dynamic ways. I am now much more able to accept what he offers as it is.
He writes:
“There is no battle between good and evil, positive and negative; there is only the care given by big brother to the little brother.”
“….if we act in a nondualistic fashion, the waste materials of the conscious mind can always be transformed into flowers of compassion, love, and peace. Our consciousness is a living thing, something organic in nature. There are always waste materials and flowers in us. The gardener who is familiar with organic gardening is constantly on the alert to save the waste materials because he knows how to transform them into compost and then transform that compost into flowers and vegetables. So be grateful for your pains, be grateful for your sufferings-you will need them.
“…. That is exactly what the gardener sees when she looks at the garbage heap, and why he does not throw away the waste materials. A little bit of practice is all you need to be able to transform the garbage heap into compost and the compost into flowers.”
“The same is true of our mental formations, which include flowers like faith, hope, understanding, and love; but there is also waste material like fear and pain. …. There is nothing to throw away. If a person has never suffered, he or she will never be able to know happiness. If a person does not know what hunger is, he or she will never know the joy of eating every day. …. So we must know how to learn from suffering, we must know how to make use of it to gather the energy of compassion, of love, of understanding.”
His words say it better than I could ever paraphrase. It is not an argument, or an attempt to convince. Simply put in a natural context, he unfolds a way of seeing beyond duality. It is a way for us to look beyond tribalism, ego, and war; beyond the struggle within us and outside of us.

01/04/2020

The fruit of my morning meditation: DCE 1/4/2020

If in responding to another creature, or anything in the universe, brings you to the reactionary move of anger and violence.... Look within, this is where the attention of your understanding and compassion must first be planted.

12/14/2019

“Things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.” ~ Pema Chödrön

My personal experience over the last week has been quite challenging. Trauma to the body from surgery, even when it is intended to correct and heal, requires a heightened level of realism and full awareness. It can be a true healing experience when the practiced focus is on all that makes us a human being.
I have spent much time the last couple of days thinking about the body and its limitations. I have also spent time working on presence. Here is the thing I have noticed most in the last week.

It is very strange going into surgery, losing consciousness, and waking up to the present moment – with many things being so different. Surgery and recovery is a kind of rebirth. It is a strange going to sleep and waking to a new reality. The body is changed, and it is trauma even though it is meant to be a corrective or healing procedure. The thinking mind can certainly focus on the story of something being “fixed”, but the soma knows more. The body feels and experiences the truth in all kinds of unseen and powerful ways. The brain senses, and the miraculous system responds without hesitation. The blood flows sending chemical processes and messages to muscles and tissue. One of the things we often avoid or try to escape is the pain. Though I am not against pain relief, what I am aware of at this point in my recovery, is that pain is necessary. It is more important to find accessibility to awareness than to be fully zonked out with meds.

This reminds me of the connection to soma and all the rest of life. There are so many connections in this world where we have dimmed the response of the body because of our choices to numb out. The mind stops listening to the body, we use desires, material and story spinning to deny the truth of where the body needs healing. I do mean the body in the context of all community, all communion with the other. The world in all. The cosmic whole. We have dampened the connection as if the rest do not belong. We hide behind unnatural barriers, and stories that contradict the truth of what the body knows to be true.

If anything, what my recovery is teaching me intimately, is that I am only here in this present moment – now. As my loving friend reminded me in a simple text… “Now” Yes, all there is - is now. What this means is every moment is a birth moment… and a death moment. The realization that we are One big body, with all that is, (all from cosmic dust) is not some crazy overcooked new age notion. It is simply the truth. To engage in the practice of seeking healing means paying attention to that truth and reaching inward and outward with love. Being in the now is all about action of love. To do no harm, to know the body calls us to the realness of where we are and to respond in loving kindness.
May we all be in the presence of now.