03/24/2024
GO BIG OR GO HOME
-Dutchess
Colleen dropped me off yesterday around 6 pm after driving me to my ketamine treatment for drug-resistant depression. (When I’m farther along in my treatment, I’ll tell you all about it. So far it’s been phenomenally helpful.)
Richard had left for work before I got home so I wanted to stay with Dutchess, but I wanted to rest in bed for a while even more.
I saw an empty paper towel roll in the recycling bin, so I thought I’d make Dutchess a food puzzle to keep her busy while I rested. I put treats inside the roll as usual and crimped the edges so Dutchess would have to figure out how to get the treats out. This is super easy to do if you have an opposable thumb, but more challenging with paws.
I wanted to make the puzzle extra special, so I went to the big plastic bin in the dining room where we keep her best treats. I was a little bit out of it from the treatment, though, and for the first time I forgot to put the lid back on.
I gave Dutchess her paper towel roll puzzle, which made her very happy, and went upstairs to rest in bed for a while. I’m sure you can guess what happened next.
I guess Dutchess didn’t notice that the treasure chest of treats was left open until she finished tearing open the paper towel roll puzzle. After she finished those treats, she must have looked around for other treats. (I wasn’t there but I know her habits.) I would have loved to see her face when she saw the open bin. I reallllly wish I’d been there, because I would have been able to prevent what happened next.
You probably don’t want to read the rest of this story because you know how it ends, and it isn’t pretty. It’s really gross and disgusting.
When I saw the open bin tipped over, and ripped up treat bags all over the dining room floor and Dutchess relaxing in her bed, I knew we were going to have a very rough night. I don’t know exactly how many bags of treats were in there, but they filled the bin to the top. All I know is that she ate them all except for the ones in containers she wasn’t able to open.
Her vet was closed, and I thought about calling Pet ER, but Dutchess seemed pretty happy and I saw no signs of distress,so I decided to just stay with her to make sure she was OK until Richard got home at 10 p.m
Nothing happened for a few hours. Then she started vomiting, and threw up huge piles of very disgusting yuck. Afterwards she went to lie down in her bed. I guess her work here was done.
We thought the worst was over, so after we cleaned up we went to bed. It was around midnight, I think.
At 3 a.m., Richard heard Dutchess walking around so he ran downstairs to make sure she was ok. I didn’t even wake up until he started yelling, Eileen!! I need your help! Now!!
The worst wasn’t over. It had just begun. I guess all those treats Dutchess ate made her thirsty, because she must have drunk a lot of water.
In the good old days, she would have whined at the door to let us know she needed to go outside, but those days are long gone. Instead, she walked around the first floor, p*eing everywhere. There was sooooo much p*e. It seriously looked like a river. It took hours to mop up all her p*e, clean the floor underneath with hydrogen peroxide to prevent the wood from turning black, wash and dry the area rugs and moving blanket. We couldn’t wash the yoga mats in the machine so we washed them in the utility sink and hung them up to dry.
By then it was about 4:30 am, and since the worst really was finally over, we went back to bed, leaving Dutchess asleep in her bed.
Around 6 am, I heard Dutchess walking around downstairs again, and I ran down to let her outside. I didn’t wake up Richard because he’d gotten even less sleep than I had, since I had taken that fateful nap around 6:30 p.m.
But I was too late. Her moving blanket was covered in diarrhea and she had p**ped all over the area we had cleaned a few hours earlier. There was soooooo much poo. It was hard to believe it all came from one dog.
I put Dutchess outside while I put the moving blanket back in the washing machine and cleaned up the floor. It took hours by myself. Then it was time to make her breakfast and try to get her to take her pills.
At that point, I was so tired I didn’t have the energy for a prolonged hide-the-pill game that I was sure to lose anyway.
I just put her pills in pill pockets, because they were the easiest, and put them on a plate on the floor along with her morning “treats” - her probiotic chew, her Angel Eyes chew for tear stains, and her CBD/hemp chew for senior dog mobility support. We usually put the chews in her bed after she eats her breakfast, which makes them extra special. After she eats as much as she’s going to eat (sometimes not at all; sometimes all of it, but usually in between), she runs to her bed to look for her treats. If she hasn’t taken her pills or eaten any breakfast, it’s time to play What Will Dutchess Eat Today. But this morning I was too tired. I let her outside and back inside about five times, told her she was on her own, and went back to bed.
I didn’t think Dutchess could possibly have anything left in her stomach to throw up or p**p out. I really did think that now the worst really was finally behind us.
And this time, the worst really was behind us. By the time I went back downstairs, she had eaten her supplements and pill pockets and some of her breakfast and was fast asleep, I inspected every inch of the floor to make sure there were no more unpleasant surprises, and the floor was still perfectly clean after being wiped off, sprayed with Nature’s Miracle, and mopped three times in the past six hours.
I went back to sleep, Richard left to run errands, and Dutchess was still asleep when I got up for good.
The End.
