05/19/2025
Okay y’all, it’s time! We got close enough to our goal that I can finally share the absolute madness that was the Ms. Lake Lemon Pageant.
First of all, holy crap, that was haaaaaard. But also the most fun I’ve had in ages. I came in 5th out of 17, and it was an honor to “compete” alongside such supportive, badass babes. None of us knew what we were doing half the time, but we brought our A-game, hyped each other up, and kept the vibes immaculate. I’m sunburnt, sore in places I forgot had muscles, and my abs hurt from laughing.
Massive thanks to the organizers and volunteers who made this fever dream possible. Y’all crushed it. A ton of money was raised for the Monroe Fire Protection District through pure ridiculousness. Kel, you are a Bloomington treasure. Thank you for this delightful torture.
And my team. My ride-or-dies. You brought drinks, wiped mud off me, pulled splinters, and screamed for me at every checkpoint. I don’t even have words. Emily, those gloves are the only trophy I need. Piper, the dress you made is a masterpiece. It’s been washed, dried, and is somehow in near-mint condition. She’s got more events in her, guaranteed.
Which brings me to one final, vital point. Swifties, I need you. The number of people I had to explain my outfit to was truly wild. I was wearing a biblically accurate re-creation of Taylor Swift’s Tortured Poets Department gown from the second half of the Eras Tour (may she rest in peace), modified slightly to include a cat joke, obviously. I worked in every lyric I could in conversation. Barely anyone noticed. Did that stop me? Absolutely not. But one glorious moment made it all worth it. I was crossing the field when a little girl screamed, “Mommy! She’s wearing a Taylor Swift dress!!” and I could have wept. 🫶
Enjoy the still photos here (by The Polycule feat. Jolly). Videos and the most unflattering images imaginable will be in our stories soon, where they’ll vanish like it never happened. Thank gods for that. I love you all. Thank you for cheering me on through my first and very last pageant. You helped raise a solid chunk of change for the ranch cats, and I’m forever grateful.