09/17/2021
***Update: I've turned this into a Blog post that can also be shared off of FB. Here's the link: https://andreabreen.ca/2021/09/20/some-thoughts-on-sexual-violence-and-childrens-relationships-with-dogs/***
I want to share some thoughts about sexual violence and children's relationships with dogs. It's a long one, so you might want to grab a cuppa.
As a critical developmental psychologist, professor, parent educator, and dog behaviour practitioner, I think A LOT about what kids learn through their relationships with dogs. And it has me very worried--for both our dogs and our children.
This week, people across Canada are reeling from horrific accounts of sexual violence during orientation week at one Ontario University. The terrible truth is that sexual violence is pervasive on our campuses. In 2019, The Student Voices on Sexual Violence Survey showed that 23% of Ontario University students experienced a non-consensual sexual act in the past year. These numbers focus on victimization, but they also suggest a disturbing truth about perpetrators--those who commit sexual violence (most often, but not always men) are not rare monsters. We live in r**e culture, and perpetrators are our neighbours sons, brothers, fathers, and partners.
As a society, we are raising children to be violent. We are raising them to believe that they are entitled to others' bodies, entitled to inflicting violence.
In the last couple of years, I've been delving into research about the links between various forms of violence against humans and violence against animals. This research comes from many different fields--Critical Animal Studies, Disability Studies, Indigenous Studies, and others (e.g., see work by Billy-Ray Belcourt, Sunaura Taylor, Nik Taylor & Heather Fraser). There's also some great non-academic work, like this must-watch TED Talk by Kim Brophey: https://www.ted.com/talks/kim_brophey_the_problem_with_treating_a_dog_like_a_pet
Our relationships with dogs is a confusing mix of love, devotion, domination, and violence. As Australian social work scholar Melissa Laing put it in a recent article on interspecies families, family pets "are kin who reside in a liminal space between subject and object". They are family and they are property.
This is a dangerous mix.
And here's how it too often plays out in kids' relationships with family dogs--We buy adorable puppies to satisfy our children's emotional needs (often with zero thought about what this is like for dogs). We teach children that humans are masters who are to be obeyed, that disobeying is to be disciplined, that resistance in the form of growls, barks, and (when those are ignored) bites is to be punished--even with death (dogs who bite children are euthanized far too often). We show kids that it’s ok to drag the beings they love around on collars and lock them up alone in cages.
All of this is practicing the wrong things. We should be teaching our children how to truly see another being for who they are, to recognize when they are uncomfortable, that it is always ok for someone to say "no". Instead of teaching them to be "masters", we should be teaching children to be humble in their relationships, to learn and grow through gentleness and love.
Every child who lives with a non-human animal should be raised to understand that animal's species-specific body language and they should have a deeply ingrained understanding of consent. For this to happen, kids need adults to consistently model and teach ways of being in relationships with dogs that gentle and respectful. It does no good to tell children to be gentle, and then to turn around and force the dog into submission.
Children learn from their family relationships--including their relationships with the family dog. For the sake of both dogs and kids, we need to do much better at teaching the right lessons.
Below is a list of resources and suggestions for families with dogs.
Thank you for reading,
Andrea Breen
Teaching Dog Body Language:
There are lots of great resources available for teaching kids how to interact with dogs. For teaching dog body language, I recommend the Dog Decoder app, the book Doggie Language, and, for younger children, the Dog Detective colouring pages by https://www.familypaws.com/. I also suggest parents check out the resources at thefamilydog.com/stop-the-77/. Turid Rugaas' book, On Talking Terms with Dogs is a must-read for everyone who has a dog.
Teaching Consent
Understanding dog body language is essential for understanding consent, so the above resources are a good start. The following excerpt is an example of what consent can look like when greeting an unfamiliar dog (taken from one of my articles in Today's Parent magazine https://www.todaysparent.com/family/family-life/is-your-new-dog-nipping-hu***ng-or-playing-rough-with-your-kids/)
The big thing to teach kids is that dogs should always get to choose whether or not they’re touched. Most kids are taught to ask the dog’s owner if they can pet the dog, but it’s important to also ask the dog! Dog’s Trust in the UK has some great handouts to help parents teach their kids dog safety and I like to use their approach. Here are the steps:
Approach calmly to the dog’s side and stop at least an arm’s length away. Humans like to greet face to face, but head on greetings can make dogs nervous.
Ask the dog’s owner if you can pet the dog. If the owner says yes, you can say “hello.” But here’s the trick: Don’t stick the hand out. The “sniff test” that most of us were taught is actually an unsafe way to greet a dog. Dogs’ noses are so powerful they can detect cancer—we don’t need to help them smell us by putting a hand in their face.
Wait for the dog to approach. If she does, great! Dogs prefer to be pet gently on their side or shoulder. For most dogs, being pet on the top of the head is scary. If the dog doesn’t approach, then she’s saying “no thank you” and it’s time to move away calmly.
Be sure the dog can choose to move away at any time. If she does, then let her go on her way.
Your children will need you to support and give them reminders about their interactions with dogs, but it’s worth the effort. You’ll help keep them safe around dogs and might even be giving them tools—like a strong understanding of the importance of seeking consent before touching—that can help them be safer in their future relationships with other humans.
