01/23/2021
Comprehensive Unabridged Meowrihamb Blepster's Dictionary of Hambspeak (2020 Edition), aka the Chonktionary
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Absolute Unit (n): a staggeringly chonky cat
Accempt (v): to graciously receive the offering of a peet, leggie, etc.
Airplane Ears (n): when a cat flattens and angles its ears, so they look like the wings of an airplane; often a sign of irritation, wild play, or interest in a noise behind them; also: NYEEEEER, earcraft, owl ears
Angy / Amgy (adj): adorably angry; e.g. “no talk me im angy”
Angery / Angory (adj): very grumpy indeed
Attacc (v): to lunge at
Badonkachonk (n): an absolute unit with serious swagger
Bamboozle (v): to do a heckin confuse
Bebby (n/adj): kitten, small or adorable cat
Beans (n): 1. toes; 2. kittens
-Baked Beans (n): when a cat extends its paws toward a heat source, e.g. a radiator or fireplace
-Bean Sprouts (n): tufts of fur between toes; also: toe hawks, toe beards
-Razor beans (n): claws OUT
-Bakin’ them beans (adj): pregananant
-Freshly Baked Beans (n): newborn kittens
Big Steppy (n): a s t r e t c h u m with only 1 peet forward
Bikkies (n): dry cat food; see also: lööps, cromchies
Bipod / Bi-pawed (n): two-legged cat
Birb (n): feathered and flighted creature; the fortunate have cats to alert them to the presence of such a creature with the warning sound ekekekekekek
Blep (n / v): when a cat forgets to retract its tongue, resulting in hilarity
Boi (n): a cat, often but not necessarily male, can be modified with a descriptor (e.g. nakeyboi, nortyboi, chonkyboi)
Bonk (v): to lovingly headbutt one’s hooman; also: nudgems
Boop (v): to touch a cat’s nose with one finger, e.g. “boop the snoot”
Boots with the Fur (n): when a cat has been shaved and the peets resemble heckin stylish boots
Bøtthörłê (n): butt hole, see also: pööplööp
Bröther (n): human, provider of lööps; also: möther, fäther
Cat Tax (n): the sharing of a cat photo along with one’s post or comment as an offering to the group
Cate / Cade (n): cat
Catio (n): the structure attached to a chonk’s house that allows said chonk to sit behind a screen, daydreaming about chonk cat stuffs
Cattitude (n): the state of being a catto with attitude; sass
Catto (n): cat
Cattoo (n): tattoo of a cat
Chimken (n): 1. a favorite food of chonks; 2. a nakey catto
Chirp (v): to make the “ekekekekek” sound when observing a toy or birb
Chonk (n): a rotund cat
Chonk in training (n): cat or kitten who is not quite chonky yet but has chonk potential
Chonkette (n): a lady chonk, may be pragónté
Chonklet / Chonklette (n): chonky kitten
Chooch (v): to do a thing or to function well, e.g. “himbs choochin so good!”
Choocher (n): one who chooches, e.g. “what a good choocher”
Chumby (adj): rather plump, e.g. “chumby in the tumby”
Chungus (n): an epic chonky cat; e.g. “a chungus among us”
Cloud (n): white cat
Cow (n): white cat with black markings
Cromch / Cronch (v): to eat by crunching wif one’s teefs
Cromchies (n): dry cat food; see also: bikkies, lööps
Danger Hamb / Danger Chonk (n): large wildcat; e.g. lion, cheetah, tiger
Do a __ (v): to do, often with a certain panache and vigor. Usually followed by a noun, adjective, or verb. e.g. “do a blep”, “do a lewd”, “do a cromch”
Doggo (n): dogs; also: pupper, pupperino
Donk (n): chonky dog, or a dog that thinks it’s a chonk; also: badonkadonk
Dörty (adj): unclean or lewd
Drumstick (n): one extended back leg, reminiscent of a rotisserie chimken; see also: leggie
Ear furnishings (n): fur tufts inside a cat’s ears; also: ear beards
Ekekekekekek (interjection): the chirping sound a cat makes whilst bird watching
Elevator Butt (n): when a cat is enjoying rump scritches and raises their butt in excitement
Famcy (adj): fancy; e.g. "he a famcy boi in a big bow tie"
Flonk (n): a cat so fluffy they appear to be chonky; may or may not be chonky under all that fur (see secret slonk)
Floof (n): 1. a fluffy cat or kitten; 2. long cat fur; see pantaloons
Floofy / Flonfy (adj): fluffy or long-haired
Forbidden cats (n): raccoons, possums, red pandas, otters, and other adorable creatures we wish to pet but alas cannot
Füd / Foob (n): sustenance
Gib (v): give
Ginger (n): oramgeboi or gorl
Görl (n): female cat
Gremlin (n): a grompy hairless cat
Grompy (adj): cranky or ill-tempered, high probability of airplane ears and murder mittens
Hamb (n): cat
Hambi (n): a hamb of unknown gender
Hambina (n): a female hamb
Hambino (n): a male hamb
Hamblet / Hamblette (n): kitten; also: hambelina, hambini, bacon bit
Hambsome (adj): very nice looking and dapper, may be dressed to impress in a nice tie or tophat
Heckin (adj): used as an intensifier to emphasize an action; e.g. “he do a heckin’ screm for more fud”
Henlo (interjection): hello
Herb (pronoun): refers to a female cat, e.g. “I LOVE HERB”
Himb (pronoun): refers to a male cat, e.g. “I LUV HIMB”
Hongry / Homgry (adj): desiring to do a cromch
H***y (n): oriental Shorthair cats with meows that sound like a goose honk
Hoomin / Hooman (n): bringer of foob, giber of pets, scooper of p**ps; also: peasant, slave
If I fits, I sits (mantra): cat logic for determining appropriate places for repose
Kitty Glitter (n): the inescapable peppering of cat fur on clothing and furniture
Land Orca (n): a chonky tuxedo cat; also: floorca
Land Seal 👎 - a lorge lazy catto
Leggie / Legge (n): a cat’s leg, specifically one leg splayed out or “presemted”
Lewd (adj): brazen display of a cat’s norty bits for all the world to see
Loaf (v / n): when a cat sits with all paws tucked under, resembling a loaf of bread; also: a lazy chonk
Long boi / Lomgboi (n): when a cat stretches out and looks very l o n g
Lööps (n): cromchy dry cat food; see also: bikkies, cromchies
Lorge (adj): large, e.g. “lorge and in chorge”
Low Rider (n): cat with short legs and/or belly that hangs down close to the ground
Make Biscuits (v): to knead on an item or person
-Air biscuits (n): kneading into the ether; also: sky biscuits
-Prison Biscuits (n): kneading with claws extended; also: murder biscuits, spicy biscuits
-Sin biscuits (n): um... sexytimes, often with the unauthorized usage of a stuffed toy or other household object which then becomes the sole property of the cat
M (letter): am all purpose replacememt for “n”; use liberally for best results
Marshmallow (n): a white or cream colored floof
Meezer (n): a siamese cat
Merp (v): to make a sudden vocalization expressing surprise or alarm, as when disturbed from slumber; also: brrrp, bwurr, murph
Mlem (n / v): when a cat briefly extends its tongue in a licking motion
Momther (n): very importamt hoomin; also: forther
Mönch (v): to eat with enthusiasm
Murder Mittens (n): paws with the claws out; also: danger peets, spicy steppers, mean beans
Nakey (adj): sphinx cat or a shaved cat
Nip Nops (n): ni***es; hated by the Zuck; e.g. “there better not be any heckin nip nops in here”
Norty (adj): naughty, a cat who is misbehaving
Oh Lawd, S/He Comin’ (interjection): phrase used in reference to the approach of an absolute unit
Pantaloons (n): the fluff on the back legs and b***y of a cat
Patto (v): to pet a catto
Peet / Peets (n): cat paws/feet; see also: steppers
Pirate (n): cat with one eye
Plop (v): to suddenly and dramatically flop into a laying position; also: plorp, flump, flop
Plumpkin (n): a roumd orangeboi or gorl
Pointy (adj): when a cats claws are extended; see also: murder mittens
Pooch (n): the pouch of many names; droopy underbelly section that sways when a cat walks; also: fupa, T U M, snacc sacc, chub, jelly belly, flabdomen, chumbles, paunch, flub, cookie pouch, mud flap, floop, etc.
Pööplööp (n): butt hole; see also: bøtthörle
Poopie Zoomies (n): when a cat races at full speed away from the litterbox after dropping a p**p; also: crap lap, p**phoria, poomies
P**t (n / v): 1. fart; 2. singular of peets, meaning one paw; also: pøøt or pööt
Potate (n / v): a chonky cat in the loaf position / to be lazy
Pragónté (adj): pregnant; also: pregananant, pergenat, peegnate, pergert, gregnant, pragnart, prangent, pegrant, pregonate, pergenat, pargnet, pgrenant, etc. ad infinitum
Pspspspspsps (interjection): a summoning spell for hambs, effectiveness may vary
Purralyzed (adj): when a cat is laying on you, rendering any attempt at movement futile; also: catatonic
Purrito (n): 1. a very cozy kitten or cat, typically wrapped in a blanket and purring; 2. a perturbed cat swaddled against its will
Razzle Dazzle (v): to sit with one leg pointing skyward like a pinup model, often lewd; e.g. “give ‘em the ol’ razzle dazzle”
Salami / little a salami (n): a snacc for hambs; a little should be just fine as a treat
Screm (v): 1. to meow in dismay; 2. to appear to be screaming when photographed mid-yawn
Secret Slonk (n): cat that appears to be chonky but is really just fluffy
Schmoo / Schmoopy (n): a very loved cat
Sing the Song of My People (v): to meow repeatedly for no particular reason, often in the wee hours of the morning
Skrimp / Skrimpin (n/v): a cat curled up in a shrimp shape, often hugging their own leggies, to skrimp; also: shrimpin', skrimpy boi/gorl
Sky Raisin (n): a fly
Slonk (n): a slender cat
Slow Blink (v / n): a sign of affection and contentment, one of the highest forms of chonk praise offered to a hoomin; also: love eyes, slow winkies, squinkies
Smol (adj): of diminutive stature/build (can still be chonky)
Snacc (n / v): treats or snacks / to eat excitedly; see also: monch, cromch
Snarf and Barf (v): monching many loops in a frantic manner after nearly størving to death, followed promptly by a nice vomit session, preferably on a carpeted area
Snoot (n): a cat’s nose
Snoozle (n / v): a nap / to take a nap
Snout Sprouts (n): whiskers
Socks (n): markings on a cats feet that resemble socks; also: boots
Spicy (adj): of sassy, surly, or rambunctious demeanor; the state of having cattitude
Spicy Sky Raisin (n): a bee or wasp
Sploot (v): to lay on stomach with leggies splayed out behind, sometimes with paws stretched out in front too
Sp**py (adj): heckin scary; do himb a startle
Steppers (n): a cat’s feet
Stimk Face (n): the dismayed, open-mouthed expression a cat makes after smelling something pungent
Stimky / Stonky (adj): do not like, bad smelling, e.g. “stimky doggo”
Stink Cereal (n): fud
Stompies (n): the act of walking all over a hooman
Størving (adj) - neglected by momther, forsaken, bowl only half full; I sing the song of my people as I perish
S t r e t c h u m s (n): a cat stretch
Struggle Snuggle (n / v): nonconsensual cuddles
Teefs (n): teeth; also: toofs, toofers, teefers, teefies
Terminal Baby Disease (n): the affliction of being just baby, very common in felines
Thicc (adj): of ample build
Toasted Marshmallow (n): a white floof with darker coloration on its ears, paws, and/or tail; e.g. siamese and ragdolls
Tortie (n): a tortoiseshell cat (black, brown, and amber fur patterns)
Tortitude (n): the state of being a tortie with attitude/charisma
Triangle Tail (n): the wobbly stage of kittenhood during which the tail is a triangle shape
Tripod / Tripawed (n): cat with three legs
Troublepuffs (n): norty bits of a male cat; also: bolls, harbles
Tummy Trap (n): an exposed cat belly you really want to pet, but are likely to encounter murder mittens; also: danger floof
Tuxedo (n): black cat with white marks, especially on chest and belly area
Two of Them / (__ of themb!) (interjection): an exclamation in response to multiple cats, generally of similar size, breed, or color
Void (n): black cat, also: hauspanther, soot sprite
Wonky (adj): special needs cat
Zoomies (n): when a cat races around at full-speed, often at 2 am; usually includes kitty parkour, murder mittens may be in use as well; also: zooms, rips, NYOOOOOOM
