10/21/2025
Well stated by a colleague.
Expectation is the #1 reason great dogs get returned — not because they’re broken, but because they didn’t meet someone’s idea of who they “should” be.
We say we want a dog — but more often, what we really want is an idea of a dog.
A dog we can take everywhere.
A dog who loves everyone.
A dog who fits seamlessly into the life we’ve built.
But what happens when the dog in front of us doesn’t match the picture in our mind?
Buckley (once Cowboy) is an introverted, deeply sensitive soul — a homebody who thrives on the small and familiar. He’s goofy, loving, and loyal, but he’s not built for bustling breweries, crowded events, or constant socializing. And no amount of training will make him someone he’s not.
His adopter recently shared a heartfelt message — full of love, heartbreak, and honesty. She’s given him structure, patience, and consistency. She even made the painful decision to leave a home she loves so he could have a safer, more supportive environment.
But still, she fears the space between who he is and the life she lives may be too wide to bridge.
And if that ends up being the case — if Buckley needs to come back to me — I’ll welcome him with open arms and make it all work. It’s the promise I made to this family, and to every person who’s adopted one of these dogs — and it’s a promise I’m keeping, which is why I’m preparing for the move to South Carolina. It’s no one’s fault. It just is what it is — a matter of what’s best for him, and what’s real for everyone involved.
Here’s the truth I wish more people understood when it comes to dogs:
We can build confidence.
We can build a sense of safety.
We can build comfort.
We can teach skills.
We can nurture trust.
We can create safety and build confidence.
But we cannot build a dog into someone they’re not.
We cannot change who a dog inherently is.
And if we try, we’ll be fighting a losing battle — with a great deal of stress and frustration in the process.
And when we do try — when we force them into roles that don’t fit or lives that don’t align — the result is often stress, disconnection, anxiety, and eventually, surrender.
Dogs aren’t blank slates for us to mold into whatever version suits us best.
They’re unique, complex beings with their own personalities, sensitivities, and needs — just like we are.
I see this play out again and again in human–canine relationships.
A dog’s true nature ends up colliding with a human’s expectations — and it’s in that collision that so much frustration, heartbreak, and surrender happens.
Not because the dog is “bad.” But because they’re being asked to be someone they’re not.
This is the space between:
Between expectation and reality.
Between what we pictured and what’s actually needed.
Between what we want and who they are.
And this is where so many dogs fall through the cracks — not because they’re broken, but because we struggle to reconcile the dog we imagined with the dog standing right in front of us.
Chapter Ten is a deeply important one.
It’s a call to pause, breathe, and re-examine our expectations.
To see dogs not as accessories to a lifestyle, but as individual beings with their own needs, sensitivities, and truths.
Because the magic doesn’t happen when we change them — it happens when we meet them where they are.
When we do that — when we truly see and honor the dog in front of us — everything changes.
-----------
Paperback, Hardback, and Digital versions of the book:
https://a.co/d/4y3TMN7
Signed and Personalized Editions (with custom bookmark & highlighter):
https://kimberlyartley.com/books-and-ebooks
