Beyond Behavior, LLC - Alyssa Giles, BSci

08/16/2024

"Tragic expression of an unmet need" perfectly describes what I often see in dogs.

It's often assumed that a dog with "big" behavior is traumatized but, in my experience, most of those "big" behaviors are not due to trauma, but an attempt to meet a need that has gone unmet too long or too often.

And this is absolutely not a judgment on pet parents; it can be challenging to learn the unique needs and communication in our human relationships, let alone our dogs, who communicate so much differently. It makes sense that we might miss something, and those behaviors are an opportunity to get to know our dogs better so we can care for them the best way possible. Because that's exactly why we brought them into our lives!

Some questions you could ask yourself:

1) What need is my dog communicating?
(Think social/emotional, but also consider physical needs like thirst, hunger, overheating, etc.)

2) If I were my dog right now, what would I be feeling and what would help me?
(When we're excited, scared, or angry, it's unlikely that our need is for treats or toys! Instead, it's often the connection that usually comes along with those things that helps us feel better.)

3) What small things does my dog do BEFORE this big behavior that would let me know they need me?
(Look for the subtle things: a glance your direction, ears turning your way, moving closer to you, their demeanor becoming slightly more alert/tense, etc.)

4) How can you help them feel their best, emotionally and physically, so they can handle whatever situation might pop up in the next 5 minutes?
(Look for things you can do before they show they need it: take an extra moment to pet your dog who's laying down across the room from you, be the first to offer to goof off with your dog, offer some food between meals to stave off hunger and prevent the mealtime crazies, etc.)

I would love to hear your experiences in the comments! 💜

08/11/2024

Great resource on how to do canine CPR, with visuals.

This article tells you how to perform CPR on a dog, but we also recommend that all pet owners learn the technique at a veterinary first aid course.

07/16/2024

Something to consider about how the dog training industry currently handles dog emotions.

Are we overemphasizing positivity?

Are we trying to rush our dogs through uncomfortable feelings?

Are we trying to get those uncomfortable feelings to change on our timeline instead of theirs?

Are we denying the need for an emotional being to feel through their emotions completely, in safety and with support?

07/13/2024

Controversial take: The dog training industry and the focus on behavior is the reason so many dogs have behavior problems.

Just like kids struggle in an environment that ignores their social/emotional needs in favor of changing behavior, our dogs are desperately trying to communicate that they need us to CONNECT and see them as more than just their behavior.

07/11/2024

"Trauma informed" is the new buzz word in dog training. It's a great direction, but we need to take it farther. One can be aware of another's trauma and still do harm.

We need to let the dog lead their own healing and really listen to what they need from us. We need to quit imposing our own expectations and protocols on the dog, as though we know better than they do what they need to heal.

Relax, take a backseat, and be your dog's support as they heal. Be a friend.

07/02/2024

A reminder that it's ok to feel pain, and it's ok for our dogs to feel pain. Feeling pain AND having someone be there for you through it is how social beings build bonds and develop resilience.

Comforting our children while they navigate pain is very different than trying to prevent our children from feeling or facing pain.

Resilience is not built from the absence of pain, but rather from the absence of having to handle pain without support.

No human being escapes emotional heartache, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t make a huge difference in our children’s experiences of pain and suffering.

When hard emotions come up for our kids, we can offer them the gifts of presence and understanding . We can teach them what we know about emotions.

And in turn we will be showing them that they can securely rely on us when times are tough.

For an in depth guide on how to build a secure attachment dynamic with your children comment SECURE and I will send you a preorder link for my new book, RAISING SECURELY ATTACHED KIDS, out Sept 3rd!

07/02/2024

This story gives a great perspective on how to naturally help your dog cope with fireworks this year. Unlike treats, which increase dopamine (which increases your dog's activity level), comfort touch calms the amygdala, increases feel-good opioids in the brain, and builds confidence through increased oxytocin. Work WITH your dog's brain and help them recover in the way their social brain is naturally made for!

Get more from Affective Dog Behavior on Patreon

06/28/2024

If we change our mentality towards our dogs (and kids) from "What am I rewarding?" to "How can I support them through this tough moment?" we create emotional safety, and better behavior will follow.

Love is not a reward.

Love is not a motivator to hang over our kids.

When our children know that they are unconditionally loved and respected and accepted, that is the root and the foundation on which they are able to stand, grow, and mature. Through mimicking us, the people they love. Through wanting to behave the way they see us behave.

[Image description: A white background with a question-and-answer style text on it. The question is, “If I respond to bad behaviour with love, doesn’t that reward the behaviour I don’t want?” The answer given is, “Society has taught us that love is conditional; a reward for palatable behaviour. With Responsive Parenting we work to change this perspective so our children can experience unconditional love. Rather we see punishment as having risks of consequences, especially when expressions of love are revoked as punishment. It’s about no longer seeing love as a reward, but rather the oldest and most natural emotional regulation tool on earth.” The quote is by J. Milburn. The image is by Parenting Inspirations. End description.]

06/26/2024

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

06/25/2024

This has been my position for years: small dogs don't think they're tough. Instead, they feel unsafe and react in "big" ways to keep themselves safe when more subtle expressions of discomfort are missed.

If you're struggling with a "tough" dog (big or small), please reach out! I would love to support you and figure out what your dog needs to feel safe, calm, and confident!

Small dogs can have a really tough time of it. Because they are small they are not always respected and listened to as much as larger breeds. Because they are small enough to be easily manhandled, the same amount of time is not always put into their training and ensuring that they are comfortable with what is going on around them.

Is it then any wonder that they become scared and vocal about their fear and wish to be left alone?

For more see a link to an article in the comments.

06/19/2024

Who has a little dog with big feelings? 💜

Big Feelings

06/14/2024

What do you think?

Share your thoughts below in the comments.

While you share your thoughts, remember that behaviour isn't the same as emotions.

06/12/2024

This is a fun market, go check it out!

Future dates. Our next event is the Clearfield Community Market- June 29th.
Please share and help spread the word!

06/11/2024

Avoiding negative things in your dog's life creates insecurity. While we shouldn't go out of our way to make their lives hard, frustration, disappointment, sadness, etc are part of life and lovingly supporting your dogs through those feelings will help them build resilience.

Yes! 💕 Jayson Gaddis
Many people think that secure attachment, or secure relationships, are built through finding the right person that doesn’t trigger you.

This erroneous belief keeps people stuck in fantasies about relationships that go nowhere and lead to heartbreak.

The truth is, security is built through constant mis-reads, disconnections, mismatches, and followed up with repair and reconnection.

In other words, through what I call the “conflict-repair cycle.”

Secure relationships are built by repairing and reconnecting after two people disagree, distance, fight, argue, or mis-read each other.

Always return and repair together, and security is in fact, your reward.
.. Same for the parent-child relationship 💕

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