08/21/2026
CW: PPA, OCD, intrusive thoughts, postpartum mental health
Almost four years....since I took my dogs on a real adventure.
It sounds small. But I didn’t realize how much I needed it until I was there.
Before the twins, my dogs were a huge part of my life. Dogs are literally my thing. So much of my identity was built around understanding, working, and simply being with them. Then I became a mom to TWO babies.
Somewhere in the exhaustion, sleep deprivation, overstimulation, & reality of caring for two babies without a village, something changed.
I quickly developed PPA and OCD. I had OCD prior to becoming a mom but it was amplified exponentially given all of the circumstances.
And one of the hardest things to admit is that, for a while, I didn’t like my dogs.
There. I said it.
I felt so much guilt even typing that.
But I wasn’t suddenly a bad dog owner. I was a new mother whose brain was constantly searching for something else to worry about.
The intrusive thoughts were fu***ng relentless.
I was terrified something would happen to the babies. Terrified something would happen to the dogs. I worried about germs, accidents, mistakes, things I might miss, and all the ways something could go wrong.
My dogs, who had always been a source of comfort, became another thing my anxious brain could attach itself to.
I missed them.
But I also felt anxious around them.
That contradiction was incredibly hard to explain.
We talk so much about whether the baby is eating enough, sleeping enough, bonding with us, and staying safe.
But what happens to everything else that made you you? Your friendships. Your marriage. Your career. Your hobbies. Your pets. Your identity.
Sometimes postpartum mental health struggles look like crying or rage. Sometimes they look like numbness, obsessive checking, reassurance seeking, or intrusive thoughts so horrifying that you’re afraid to tell anyone.
And sometimes they look like becoming disconnected from parts of your life that you desperately want to love again.
I needed help. I needed sleep. I needed someone to take the babies so I could maybe walk my dogs without feeling like everything was going to fall apart. I needed someone to remind me that intrusive thoughts didn’t make me dangerous or make me a bad mother. And I needed someone to remind me that I was still allowed to be me.
Motherhood changed my life in ways I never could have anticipated. I’m incredibly grateful for my children, and I can still grieve the parts of myself I lost along the way. Both can be true. You can love your babies more than anything and still miss who you were before them.
You can be an amazing mother and still need help. You can be an incredible dog owner and go through a season where you barely have anything left to give your dogs. You can have intrusive thoughts without wanting them to happen. And you can find your way back to the things you thought you’d lost.
So if you’re a new mom who feels like you’re failing at every part of your life because you can’t keep up with the person you were before your baby came along:
Please give yourself some grace.
And if you know a new mom? Ask how she is doing. Bring her coffee. Clean something. Take something off her plate. Listen without judgment. Help her find support if she needs it. Be part of the village. Because sometimes the difference between barely surviving and finally beginning to find yourself again is having someone willing to say: You don’t have to do this alone.
Last weekend my dogs and I played again. And it felt really, really good to come home to a part of myself I had missed.
