12/08/2024
What happens when you get used to something being there? What happens when that thing disappears? Loss, anxiety, fear, uncertainty.
Here’s what so many owners don’t realize: by trying to “love” their dogs, and by trying to fulfill their own needs, they end up creating massive contrasts, toxic ones in fact.
In the dog training world these toxic contrasts get the label of “separation anxiety”.
But it might be easier (and more helpful) for owners to see how these unhealthy states are created, rather than simply attaching a term that almost implies something that came to be without human help.
When a dog gets used to constantly being touched, talked to, close to you, or laying on your lap, sleeping with you, following you everywhere at every moment...you’re creating a very clear expectation...
That all of the above will be a constant and can be depended on. You’re literally programming the dog to expect all of the above, and to rely on it being there.
But what happens when after all that programming of expectations, something changes? What if you suddenly have a life change? A new job, a new partner, a new child?
Or what if that change is simply the dog’s dependency deepening? What if all was fine, until it wasn’t? What if the dog who used to be able to tolerate your quick run to the store, dinner, or errands suddenly hits the breaking point?
What happens is that you get a toxic contrast. An enormous contrast between what your dog was taught to expect, and what reality is now delivering. And what you typically see, is a dog fall apart.
You might see destruction, crate breaking, soiling, self-mutilation, constant barking or whining, but most clearly, you’ll see a dog who has been made so dependent on you, it can no longer comfortably exist.
It’s really not complicated. If you teach a dog to expect your presence and interactions constantly, you have to expect your dog to fall apart once you break the toxic deal you’ve made.
Or, you can ensure both you and your dog are healthily independent, while still enjoying all the beautiful benefits of the human/dog partnership.
*From my book Love Them By Leading Them Volume 2 available in deluxe paperback, kindle, audiobook from Amazon/Audible