
15/07/2025
I don't like men.
There. I've said it. And frankly, I feel better already.
Now, before you call for the smelling salts or draft a letter to the editor, allow me to elaborate. I am twelve years old. I have lived long enough, with grace and discernment, to know exactly where I stand on such matters. And I stand, quite firmly, on the opposite side of the room, ideally behind a velvet curtain, with a delicate crystal saucer of treats, far from the thundering footfalls and booming declarations of any gentleman caller.
"Why, Snowball?" you may ask. "Why close yourself off from the entire masculine half of the species?" And to that I say: one must have standards, mustn't one?
First of all, they are tall. Ludicrously so. Towering, teetering, unnecessary. I've overheard women declare their dream man to be in finance, 6'5",and blue-eyed. And I ask, quite sincerely, is that a suitor, or a windmill? I am a small dog. Petite. Refined. I will not be scooped up like a sack of potatoes by someone with calloused hands and enormous feet.
Then, of course, there's the talking. Endlessly, loudly, about such mind-numbing things: sports scores, engine cylinders, crypto, whatever that is. Never once have I heard a man wax poetic about a well-fluffed pillow or the simple euphoria of a sweet treat served at precisely 4:15.
And the smell. Not foul, necessarily, just… insistently present. As a lady of refinement and routine, I prefer my home to carry the faint fragrance of pressed linen and roasted chicken, not "Jean Paul Gaultier Le Male," or whatever nonsense they've doused themselves in.
But enough about men, they are but a footnote in the story of me.
I am Miss Snowball. A cultured, seasoned, singular woman of quiet elegance. I require a home that honors my sensibilities, ideally with another lady of leisure who enjoys the finer things: plush rugs, long naps, whispered compliments, and an early bedtime.
I'm not terribly fond of children (all sticky fingers and startling noises), and many of them, I regret to say, give off the unmistakable aura of future men. As for dogs, well, I've known a few. Some decent, some dreadful. I'm willing to consider a new acquaintance, but only with proper introductions, six feet of personal space, and a clear understanding of who owns the fainting couch. (It's me. I own it.)
I do, I must admit, have cataracts. My vision is a bit cloudy, like the fog over Newport in spring. I can get around just fine, but I may need a kind hand or soft voice to guide me now and then. It's not a burden. It's an opportunity for you to prove yourself useful.
So if you are a woman of character, good taste, and excellent throw blankets, I invite you to come meet me. I am currently entertaining visitors at the Colorado Springs shelter, though I warn you: I am quite a charming companion and you will most likely fall in love instantly.
Let us take up space in each other's lives, not loudly, not clumsily, but with grace, mutual admiration, and precisely portioned snacks.
Because if we've learned anything from history, darling, it's that behind every great woman… is a dog who refused to live with men.
https://www.hsppr.org/pet/a1740198/