05/30/2024
"Harmony with horses must be earned - not assumed."
Harmony with horses must be earned, not assumed.
One thing that bothers me in the horse industry right now is the pervasive doubt among many riders — doubt over whether they are doing the "right" things with their horses. By "right," I mean what is seen as morally or stylistically correct in the eyes of others, not what is truly best for that horse and rider.
Such doubt stems from an old myth that has plagued the horse industry for many years: the idea that horses naturally want to please humans and get along with us effortlessly, so long as the human "does everything right."
This notion sets up the unrealistic expectation that perfect technique will lead to perfect compliance from the horse. Therefore, any resistance or confusion provoked during training must be caused by some failure, incompetence, health/physical/biomechanical problem, or abuse by the rider.
Another fallacy is the belief that horses can only learn while in an idealized state of comfort and relaxation. The assumption is that the horse’s natural state is to be relaxed and compliant with human expectations. Therefore, any resistance or non-compliance shown by the horse must be an aberration caused by human error or "lack of an emotional bond."
In this world, if your horse shows even the slightest sign of stress or confusion during training, the least elevation of heart rate, or the tiniest drop of sweat, you're now the most evil evil who ever evil’d in the eyes of the online "bleeding-heart mafia." Yes, that name would be perfect for a punk rock or emo band. But I’m referring to the online mob that intimidates novice horse owners with their shaming tactics. The constant nitpicking, bickering, and screaming over "style" and "morals" creates serious doubt for horse owners and riders who are earnestly trying to learn. It creates situations where, for example, someone pays me for a full-day lesson and I have to spend half of it debunking misinformation they saw on the internet. We need to move past all the guilt-tripping and worrying about what others say is "right" and actually focus on what will move the needle in a positive direction for more people and horses.
I’ve worked with owners in clinics and private lessons who were riding in a stiff, awkward, hesitant manner; keeping their hands inside an invisible "box" in front of them. They were handcuffing themselves, literally and figuratively, and hesitant to be more dynamic and effective with their hands and reins. Why? Because they read an article on Facebook where a riding instructor declared that you should hold the reins like you're "a bride holding a bouquet of flowers," and if you don’t, you don’t have soft hands and you’re doing it wrong. Or they saw a blog post about how you should “never” teach a horse to bend, yield, or soften laterally to bridle pressure. Because these owners are relatively green, they have a skill gap and their bullsh*t-detector isn’t fully formed yet. So they fall for this stuff.
Members of the bleeding-heart mafia claim their approach is empathetic and morally correct, always putting the horse first. They smear anyone who points out that from an evolutionary perspective, humans and horses are like oil and water – we don’t mix at all, unless both sides learn some adaptive behaviors. The mafia stokes doubt by implying that if your horse isn’t “connecting” with you, it means you’re not listening to them enough or being empathetic enough. This sends novice horse owners off on a hand-wringing, soul-searching quest to figure out how to create this “emotional connection” exactly. The problem is, this line of thinking ignores the reality of equine behavior. As prey animals, horses instinctively resist human expectations and signals. They do NOT naturally want to get along with us, nor do they know how. Both the desire and the knowledge are products of adaptive behaviors that we must teach them through consistent and effective training. This process will involve moments of confusion and resistance, which are not signs of failure but essential steps on the learning curve toward building real communication and trust.
The illusion that a "perfect" technique exists fuels the fear of not living up to it. Riders become trapped in a cycle of doubt and "purity-spiraling," chasing surface-level correctness instead of genuine results. They strive to look perfect and maintain a rigid posture, adhering to prescriptive methods without grasping the deeper dynamics at play. This emphasis on appearance over authenticity only widens the gap between human expectations and equine reality.
However, I do have some sympathy for the bleeding-heart mafia. Often, when someone assumes that horses and humans should naturally and automatically get along, it’s because they have only ever worked with trained horses or lucked out with naturally quiet and forgiving ones. They take their horse's prior training or easy temperament for granted and assume all horses are like that "right out of the box." It’s just a lack of experience and lack of exposure to what most horses are like in the real world.
The bottom line is, harmony with horses must be earned – not assumed. It doesn't occur naturally through "osmosis" by simply existing around our horses. We have to work at it, teaching our horses new skills and behaviors that are counterintuitive to them. We also need to cultivate new habits in ourselves to overcome human biases and tendencies that would otherwise hinder that partnership from developing. The journey is challenging, but it is through that mutual challenge that the most profound connections are forged. By focusing on authentic communication rather than superficial correctness, we can alleviate the burden of doubt and achieve greater results, fun, and success with horses.
-- Jake Lundahl
