01/03/2025
💔💔
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
― C.S. Lewis
I wasn't ready to say bye.
Not at just 3. I thought you'd be around to teach my kids to ride someday. I thought I'd get to use you to teach more clinics and raise some babies by you. To create a legacy of gentle, confident, and smart horses.
I wasn't prepared for this.
I named you Warrior because I thought you were a fighter with all you came through as a baby. But you really weren't. You never fought anything or anyone. You were peaceful, and gentle. Sometimes a bit of a lug, but always just an easygoing fellow.
I never had to worry with kids around you because there wasn't a mean bone in your body.
You were the smartest c**t I ever started. And I never got to finish and find out how far you could go.
You took things in stride, and I'm so thankful for the 3 years I did have you. It was way too short.
I don't understand it.
So many unfinished dreams and unmet goals.
In time I'll understand more.
For now I just miss you.
You taught me so much through your life, now even in your death I'm learning more.
To love deeper, even when you know it hurts.
To worship more intimately even vulnerably.
To rest when it feels chaotic.
To quit trying and let God.
I'm waiting for the day when I can see the picture more clearly. But for now I'm trusting Father's got a good plan.
Before he died, I renamed him Chazak. It was the Hebrew warcry of strength, a bolstering of spirit, a claiming of victory.
I didn't get to see what that looked like. And I don't see the victory in his death. So that's just something Father is gonna show me in time.
*1/2/25 Warrior coliced and didn't make it through💔