06/26/2025
Supporting Learning Through Relationship: Moving Beyond Behavior Charts
In the field of dog behavior, much like early childhood development, we’ve leaned heavily on structured frameworks to explain how learning occurs. One of the most referenced frameworks is known as “the quadrants”—positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, positive punishment, and negative punishment. These terms help categorize how consequences affect future behavior. But when it comes to helping dogs thrive, emotionally, relationally, and behaviorally, quadrants alone aren’t enough.
Just as children aren’t motivated solely by reward and consequence, neither are dogs. Our relationships with them shape how they feel, learn, and grow.
Centering Safety and Emotional Connection
Dogs learn best in environments where they feel safe. When our interactions foster a sense of emotional safety, we reduce stress and create space for curiosity, flexibility, and engagement. This mirrors what we know from developmental science: learning is relational, and safety is the foundation for growth (Porges, 2011; Van der Kolk, 2014).
In practice, this means observing closely, responding with empathy, and adapting to each dog’s comfort level. We’re not simply managing behavior, we’re nurturing emotional regulation and mutual trust.
“When individuals feel safe, the social engagement system is accessible, supporting learning and social interaction.”
(Porges, 2011, paraphrased)
Agency as a Developmental Need
Rather than striving for compliance, I help dogs build the confidence to make choices. Providing dogs with agency—a sense of control over their actions—isn’t permissiveness; it’s a developmental support. Much like a child who thrives when given autonomy within secure boundaries, dogs flourish when we allow them to opt in and out of interactions without fear or coercion.
In my trauma informed work, I’ve seen again and again how offering dogs choices creates a feedback loop of safety, trust, and deeper engagement. It’s through this relational rhythm that real learning happens.
“Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health.”
(Van der Kolk, 2014, p. 81)
A Living Example: Tilly’s Top Of The Hill Game
Tilly, my Rough Collie, demonstrates how simple interactions can become opportunities for mutual learning. We began with an activity I call the “Top Of The Hill Game.” I loured her with a treat onto a raised mat (podest), and she voluntarily stepped up. No force, no pressure. When she stepped on the mat with all four paws, I acknowledged it with a treat. Then I tossed another off the mat, inviting her to step away.
What followed was not a drill—it was a conversation. She returned on her own and offered a down, so I responded with another treat. It became a co-created rhythm: come, lay down, toss, return. When she later chose a softer mat, I followed her lead, then gently guided her back to the podest with subtle feedback. Through this, we developed a shared language, built not on commands, but mutual responsiveness.
Honoring Breed-Specific Needs
Just as every child’s development is shaped by temperament and biology, every dog brings their own instincts and history to the table. Ancient and guardian breeds were developed for independence and environmental sensitivity—not immediate obedience. In contrast, many modern pet breeds were selectively bred for sociability and trainability.
Expecting a Pyrenees or Akbash to have a border collie recall, or a Cane Corso or Neo to approach strangers like a Golden Retriever, ignores these deeply rooted traits. Respecting these genetic profiles helps us adjust expectations and set dogs up for emotional success.
Relationship Is the Real Method
Over the course of my work with thousands of dogs and families, I’ve learned that change doesn’t come from reward schedules or correction systems—it comes from connection and trust. When we tune into a dog’s biological, emotional, social, learning and cognitive needs, we begin to see behavior as communication, not defiance. And when we respond with warmth, clarity, and presence, we help dogs regulate and feel safe enough to grow and reach their potential.
This is the heart of my approach: a trauma informed, relationship-based model of canine care where learning happens in the context of safety and emotional resonance. Quadrants may explain how behavior changes, but they can’t explain why dogs choose to trust us. Only relationships can do that.
A Shared Responsibility
Much like educators, evaluators, and therapists working with children, every person on a dog’s care team—guardian, trainer, vet, or behaviorist—plays a role in creating emotionally supportive environments. When we all center safety and relationship in our work, we unify around a common principle that helps dogs, and humans, thrive.
📹 Watch the full video of Tilly’s game to see this in action. ( and our neighbor coming for a surprise visit.)
Whether you’re a professional trainer, a dedicated foster, or simply someone who loves dogs deeply, you’re already part of their emotional landscape. I support people across all roles, guardians, educators, and caregivers, in learning how to bring safety, secure attachment, and compassion into their daily interactions with dogs. These aren’t advanced techniques reserved for specialists; they’re relationship-based skills that anyone can learn. Together, we can raise dogs who feel understood, supported, and truly connected.
If you’re interested, let me know in the comments.
