11/02/2025
❤ Bentley Puppyofmine 7/14/18 - 10/31/25❤
This is an incredibly difficult post to write, especially since I couldn't have imagined writing this for at least 3-5 more years.
I had to make the hardest decision of my life Friday at 2:30am when I said goodbye to my best friend, the center of my world, Bentley.
Around 7pm he was playing outside, one of his favorite things, and I went to call him in for dinner. It was dark and it took me a moment to see him laying next to our fence. He wouldn't get up. I knew something was wrong, but thought maybe it was an obstruction or a reaction to a chew. I rushed him to Medvet. They took him in right away, and came back into the room and asked for idk I forget what it was called but basically permission to go up to $750 in rush diagnostics. I said yes of coarse. I knew then something was really wrong. The doctor came back in and said she found fluid around his heart, and his spleen was enlarged. She was pretty sure it was hemangiosarcoma. Treatment would have included opening his chest to drain the fluid from around his heart into his chest, and opening his abdomen to remove his spleen, and then chemo therapy. She said even in perfect conditions this would only give him 6-9 months.
I wanted to be sure so I asked them to run blood test and do an X-ray. The X-ray found that he had a large mass on his heart, his spleen, his spine and in his lungs. Since it had already spread to his lungs, the prognosis went down to only a few months.
I would do anything and everything for him. He had pet insurance, and I would have taken as much time as he needed to dedicate to his recovery. The Dr said I should seriously consider humane euthanasia because of how invasive the surgeries were, and the recovery period would be very difficult. She said it would be more bad days than good, and if it were her dog she wouldn't want to make them go through that.
I am still doubting my decision. This happened so fast with no warning at all. He was perfectly fine that morning.
They were able to drain the fluid around his heart temporarily, so we could take him home to say goodbye and think about our decision. We took him home, and he just couldn't get comfortable. He looked like he was suffering, he could barely move to adjust himself. I couldn't watch him like that all night. I took him back to Medvet where I had to say goodbye.
We didn't get even just a day. We didn't get to spoil him with his favorite things, or favorite foods, or anything. I feel so much guilt because I had just gotten home and didn't spend much time with him because I was getting caught up on work and he had just gotten all the attention from his grandparents. I never in a million years would have guessed this was about to happen. There were 0 signs. He was eating drinking playing, all the normal things.
I didn't want to post this until after our event today, because honestly I am broken. I wouldn't have been able to handle talking about it. I am very thankful to everyone who came out today though, being around your dogs helped distract me. Being home without him is torture. I am still in shock, it still doesn't seem real. I can't even find comfort in Dallas without feeling guilty. Bentley and I had so many adventures together, but I can't help but think about all the things I would have done if I had just known. He was a single dog for a long time, and as much as he loved Dallas and having a brother to play with, it took time away from him.
Now I am second guessing myself, because did the doctor truly understand that I didn't care how much money, time or work it would have been on me? Did they understand what even a week of normal Bentley would have meant to us? Were they truly only thinking of Bentley and the quality of life he would have had after surgery. I hope they were. I am glad Bentley didn't seem to suffer until the end, but how the hell did this happen so fast? He was just at the vet where we did his yearly check up and blood work 3 months ago. It still was not enough. So I'm angry too, why didn't they see this? I love my vets, and I know they are just human but I can't help but wonder if there was something else we could have done or at least been able to find out what was happening. I know the surgeries would have been a lot, and I didn't want him to suffer for my selfishness. I hope I made the right decision but damn was this the worst thing I've ever gone through. I still don't think it has even fully hit me, I go from numb to the worst pain. I don't even know what to do, I just hate this.
There will never be another Bentley. He was truly a one of a kind dog that did not deserve this. There are so many people he impacted and that loved him and they didn't get to say goodbye either. One day you have something that you love with your whole heart and soul, and the next day you don't. He was never just a dog, he was one of our most precious family members.
