11/28/2025
🚨BREAKING NEWS: Chaos Erupts at local Retailers 🚨
Witnesses report herds of humans stampeding through stores at dawn, fighting over TVs, air fryers, and that weird $8 blanket no one wanted until it went on sale.
Meanwhile…
The pets of Lincoln County have formed battle lines.
At precisely 4:59 AM:
• Dogs in tiny coats were seen revving up miniature shopping carts like NASCAR drivers.
• Cats, wearing tactical scarves they definitely did NOT ask your permission to wear, were stretching their claws and muttering, “If Karen grabs the last bag of Meow Mix, it’s ON.”
• A Corgi was overheard saying, “On your bark, get set…GO!”
• A chonky orange cat was caught trying to price-match treats he CLEARLY already stole.
Picture it:
Aisle 12 erupts as a Golden Retriever and a Frenchie drift around the corner, Mario-Kart style. A whole squad of kittens swarms the sale bin like fluffy piranhas. A beagle attempts to negotiate a 2-for-1 deal by giving the cashier “the eyes.”
And YOU — out there wrestling strangers for a discounted blender — YOU’RE PART OF THIS CHAOS TOO.
So while you’re fighting your way through the Black Friday Hunger Games…
👉 Remember: PET SUPPLIES ARE ON SALE TOO!
Food, treats, toys, beds, crates — all the things we burn through faster than humans burn through their dignity on Black Friday.
If you’re snagging deals today, throw a little something in the cart for our shelter fur-babies.
We promise none of them will fight you for it. (The cats might judge you, but that’s year-round.)
🖤🐾 Happy Black Friday from HSLC! May your deals be plentiful and the crowds be slow-footed.