12/24/2023
“Confidence is knowing that youre prepared for the unthinkable.”
Confidence. It’s something that only comes through experience which takes years to build and seconds to break. These last two or so months have been a true test to that. Somehow I managed to have six fairly troubled horses in for training all at once. Two or three had been with me for quite some time and took a while to come around. They had been in a good place, but it still felt like we were sneaking rides and not yet to that next level. When I’d push for more, we would back track. I had even overestimatetsted one that I’d been working with over a year, and he managed to get me off. The other few were newer and just not really following my normal routine of problem solving. I was feeling pretty discouraged and my confidence was depleating by the day. I was really wondering If I was truly cut out for this and just in over my head. I was putting everything into these horses but still feeling so lost.
I got dinner a few weeks ago with a trainer friend who also happens to attend the same church as me. She helped remind me that confidence is a lifelong development and that we are where we are in life to serve a purpose. There will always be tough horses, and we wont always have the answers. While it’s important to keep learning from those more experienced than ourselves, sometimes the best lessons are taught through perseverance.
So after that, I decided to let go of my doubts and keep pushing forward. It can be hard to tell sometimes when a horse needs “more of the same stuff” or a different perspective altogether. How long do you keep on more of the same before deciding that something needs to be different? It’s hard to say, but in this small portion of my life, keeping on the path and doing more of the same until I got better results has really paid off. Patience and waiting. What seem like small victories for a horse like Dancer, are actually really huge. Spending several months on just mounting without anxiety has turned him into a completely different horse.
And for a horse like Lady, who cares that it took over a month to saddle her confidently? Because of the trust built over the past month and a half, she just had her first canter circle under saddle after years of extreme fear. It was truly a Christmas miracle.
The past few weeks have really got me counting all the blessings in my life. Times with horses can be so very trying, but seeing ones who were once so broken and scarred come out the other end will never get old. I am so proud of Lady, myself, and all the incredible horses who are building my confidence every day. These times can be emotionally draining, but days like yesterday remind me why I’m here living this life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Merry Christmas everyone! 🎄