11/04/2025
Thank you for coming to the official reading of Frankin "Frank the Tank" Boreguard Beans will. (I get that some or many may think I'm nuts, but writing is an outlet for me and today is so heckin' hard that I thought writing this post might help get me through.)
I firsts wants ta thank my fans aka my Tankers. You hoomans have made sharing my adventures over the last decade or so better. I'm leaving photos of my paw prints inna case any of you wants one. If you gets a tattoo pawlease shares it wiff my Muh-ma.
Ta my first cat fur-end Smokey Kit-tone Tipps I leaves my crate that you eat all your meals in an that you'd steal a naps in. I leaves you my soft dog beds too cuz you always end up in it fast asleep anyway. I leaves you the hammock that Muh-ma and I would swing in, but plays it cool wiff getting outta it. Tanks for the cuddles over the years. I could have done wiff out the smacks you started giving out ta everybody this past year. I know getting old sucks, but comes on bro. Okay Alister deserves thems.
Ta my cat buddy Pounce Fauci I leaves my secret an my best hunting spots. Dad knows where them is. So does Ryley Shea. Tanks for cuddling up ta me for naps an sharing your hunting stories wiff me. Try to lay off the bringing your k*lls back ta Muh-ma though buddy cuz she isn't a fan of thems being unalived.
Ta Toonces Marie I leaves my spot onna Muh-ma's bed. Shares it wiff your brother Pounce pawlease. Don't give up onna trying ta gets Alister ta be like me. A cat cuddler. Tanks for being one offa the last kittahs I got to help raise.
Ta Ryley Shea's Journey I leaves our memories of a hunting, furmily vacations, an Muh-ma's attention a little more now that I'm inna Heaven. I know you're sick too, but try ta holds on for a bit longer. I'm not sure Muh-ma can handles both offa us gone. You know how much offa brat that Alister is. Tanks for always having my long back out inna fields an when I was down inna holes.
Ta the rabbits Ezra Shea Latte-Beans an Eli-sha Midnight Latte-Beans I leaves your bunny p**p for Alister ta helps pick up. Tanks for the bun cuddles. Who knew rabbits an hunting dogs could be fur-ends. Muh-ma said it was because I was an awesome doggo, but you rabbits are cool beans too.
Ta Alister I leaves you wiff the most important job inna furmily. You watch after my Muh-ma. You lovems her wiff all you have like I did. Let her soak your fur wiff her tears, dress you up an laughs, cuddle you when she's cold. Bark at everything an nothing at the same time like I taught you. You have that gift offa cuddling up ta the hoomans when they cry. Keep that up. They need us dogs ya knows. You be the dachshund that God created you to be an you'll do just fine. Leave Toonces an Pounce alone. There's playing an then there's being mean. Muh-ma doesn't like mean. Pawlease know that you cannot replace me. No other dog ever will, but you let her know that it's okay ta love you on you when she's missing me. I leaves you my best hole digging spots, but play it cool man. Don't dig right inna the hoomans walking paths. Keep protecting our yard from them rac-a-ma-coons an heckin' squirrels. Did ya know that up here inna Heaven were fur-ends wiff them?! Yeah, surprised me too. I knows you're not one for others dogs, but plays it cool beans when the hoomans bring another one home. Muh-ma has one offa them hoomans hearts that has ta lovems a lot of pets. Oh an for barking out loud use my ramps. You saw what IVDD dids at me. Stop giving Muh-ma a hards time wiff that. An keep stealing cat food when you can. Bahahark
TA my hooman Dad I want ta thank you for letting Muh-ma rescue me. I knows that I didn't like you an would try ta bite you for the first few months, but I went through a lot offa stuff before I met you hoomans. Tanks for taking me hunting even iffa it wasn't enough. It never was gonna be. Tanks for my first hunting partner Rugby. He's up here inna Heaven an he barks hi ta you. Even though I didn't like that time you smoked me outta the home cuz I wouldn't stop hunting, I forgive you. I forgive you for all the times you'd trick me by rattling the ammo too. Try ta get Alister out there inna field. Maybe that'd calm him downs. Bahahark We both know it won't. Oh an tanks for not taking offense when Muh-ma calls me her best friend. You still are her husband an that ranks higher than a best friend.
TA my Muh-ma....tanks for letting me be that dog. The one who gots you over your fear offa little dogs. The one who let you break the "no dogs inna bed" rule. Which is ridiculous by the way. I even tank you for those "kiss attacks" cuz I secretly liked them an that's why I'd hold still. I leaves you all offa our memories together, the photos, the videos, an my bone pill-a-ma-no. Pawlease keep my clothes for the next dachshund. I knows there will be another one. I know you too well Muh-ma. Pawlease don't look past a smooth coat red just because it hurts ta not has me wiff you. How does you know that I didn't have a paw inna the next dachshund you comes across? Hmm? I'm waiting at the rainbow bridge for you Muh-ma. Don't forget that God made your hooman heart to lovems the animals that many don't want ta lovems. Share the lovems you has for me wiff as many as you can. Tell Little Girl tanks for the cool beans name cuz everyone up here likes it like they does down there. Okay Muh-ma, all offa the fellow furmily that are here are ready ta hang out. So I has ta go. When you needs a pick you up, remember those memories. Tanks for being my best friend too. I'm keeping all offa your secrets. Even the one where you'd sniff my corn chip paws. Bahahark oops, sorry.
