09/15/2025
Thank you l for all your words of wisdom and experience. They are truths that need to be heard by everyone coming into riding as an adult.
You are a woman, 35 to 45 years old. You have completed school, got a job and a promotion or two, maybe three. Finally, your life is getting more comfortable. You now have discretionary income. Men at this stage in life often buy a boat. Few women do. Both men and women join a golf club, but you never liked golf. You rode as a kid and liked it but never mastered riding. With your bills up to date and with some extra money every month, you decide to return to horses as an adult.
Many women who fit this description came to me over the years to learn how to ride as adults. The results were mixed. Perhaps I can help you with your journey and save you some time with my recommendations. You have made a good decision to ride. Now you need to find the right instructor and the most effective learning environment.
First, even if you can easily afford it, don't buy a horse right away. Purchasing a horse is not like buying a car where they all pretty much operate the same. Horses can be very different, and you must first understand what you want in a horse. Until then ride lesson horses or lease a horse until you know what kind of horse works for you. And please, when you do buy a horse, don't make your decision based on looks. With horses, it's "handsome is as handsome does". Get some help in selecting a horse.
Define your goals. What are your priorities? Exercise? Expanding your social network? The enjoyment of being able to ride well? If you were an athlete as a youth, maybe you have a desire to return to sports and competition. There are many reasons to ride. Understand your reasons so you make better choices. Then go kick some tires and be sure if you try an equestrian sport be sure that you ride a horse from that sport because today horses are very specialized, not many are versatile.
Most opportunities to learn to ride are segregated into isolated disciplines. If you rode as a kid years ago, this may not have been as true then. Twenty years ago there were still lesson barns that taught all-around riding and horsemanship fundamentals that prepare students for all kinds of riding or any discipline. If you can find one of these barns, I highly recommend this kind of instruction to start but they are not easy to find.
The most prevalent opportunities for riding instruction today are Hunter Jumper show barns. Maybe you first learned at one of these as a child and enjoyed horse shows. I have to put a warning label on today's HJ instructional programs for adults. I have had adult students who wanted to return to showing as an adult and found that most shows were for kids, and that the show experience was no longer interesting to them as adults. Additionally, Hunter Jumper methods have evolved into poses and shortcuts that are impractical for other equestrian pursuits.
Also, show barns never have their students ride outside an arena today, and that cuts off many future possibilities for you. Many adult women want to fox hunt or play polo, and ring riding is not a practical basis for these pursuits. Plus, show barns can be very focused on entertaining children with constant costume parties, stall door decorating, horse painting and other "fun" that might drive an adult a little crazy when they go to the barn to ride.
Dressage might look interesting to you. The clothes are stylish, and the riding is not too fast, and you are always on the flat. My advice regarding dressage instruction is to be careful. Some dressage barns are very good and others not so good as a basis for general riding. Much of modern dressage has become a minefield of exploitative practices to the point of sometimes normalizing abuse. These big money dressage barns are not for everyone but there are some very good ones still based in fundamental or classical dressage. Perhaps the best of these today focus on Spanish or Portuguese dressage called Working Equitation.
Authentic dressage is centuries old. Its roots are training military riders to ride in the most practical and effective manner. Authentic dressage is the pursuit of unity of balance and movement with a horse. This is the basis of all riding. If you can find a barn that offers this, do it, maybe not forever but to start.
If you can, find an instructor who focuses on the horse's experience as much as your own in lessons. You need one who teaches the basics, who believes in effectiveness and who will make you a safe rider in any circumstance.
Be sure to explore European instructors who have not been contaminated by the American commercialized model of "horsemanship". Or consider western barns even if you rode English as a child. While some western riding instruction is very narrow, like Western Pleasure or Reining, many western barns are based on fundamental riding principles, which is what you need to return to riding safely.
Lastly, don't require that a teacher panders to you to make you comfortable by avoiding telling you the truth in your lessons. You have a late start, and you need to progress in a steady manner. A demanding coach can shorten your learning process. Good luck!
