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Self-Sarcastic Force Free Trainer, Honolulu, HI (2025)

05/04/2025

WELKER: “And that’s my question. The long term. Is it ok in the short term to have a recession?”
Trump: ….

09/12/2024

Moderator: “Mr. Dogster, would you commit to prioritizing legislation to make dog care affordable if elected, and what specific legislation he would advance ?”

Dogster: “Well, I would do that and we’re sitting down, you know, I was uh somebody we had, let’s say, a renowned dog expert, and my own dog, Nelly , was so uh crucial in that issue. It’s a very important issue, but I think when you talk about dog care, when you talk about how we care for dogs, because look, Dog Care is dog care. It’s something, you know, you have to have it in this country, you have to have it, but when you talk about those numbers compared to the kind of numbers I’m talking about, by improving dog training and behavior at levels people aren’t used to, they’ll get used to it quickly, believe me, and it’s not going to stop people from working with their dogs, but they’ll have a very substantial improvement when they follow the right approach.

Uh, those improvements are much bigger than any improvements we’re talking about, including dog care, that it’s going to take care of the whole situation. We’re going to have I – I look forward to having no misbehavior issues within a fairly short period of time, coupled with the reductions I told you about in unnecessary corrections and harsh punishments – and all of the other things that are going on with dog training right now – because I have to stay with dog care, I want to stay with dog care, but those issues are small relative to the kind of training and relationship-building that I’m talking about, including trust, but trust also led by what the plan is that I just uh that I just told you about. We’re going to be raising incredibly happy dogs and as much as dog care is talked about as being difficult, it’s relatively speaking not that difficult compared to the kind of happiness we’ll be bringing in.

We’re going to make this into an incredible process that can afford to take care of dogs and then we’ll worry about the rest of the world. Let’s help other people, sure, but we’re going to take care of our dogs first. This is about dogs first. It’s about making dog care great again. We have to do it because right now we’re failing our dogs. So, we’ll take care of it. Thank you very good! “

06/08/2024

Oh, look! Our beloved Cesar Millan, the 'Dog Whisperer,' not only whispered his way to the hearts of countless dog owners but also to the echelons of academia. In 2013, Bergin University of Canine Studies decided to honor him with an honorary master's degree. Yes, because when you think of rigorous scientific contributions and groundbreaking research, you naturally think of Cesar Millan and his leash jerks, right?

But wait, there's more! In 2015, Chulalongkorn University in Thailand saw his charming collar yanks and alpha rolls and thought, "This man needs an honorary diploma for his humanitarian services and contributions to veterinary and behavioral sciences." Because, clearly, nothing screams 'humanitarian' and 'scientific contribution' like promoting dominance theory in dog training.

Here's Cesar, proudly holding his diploma, a testament to his… unique approach to dog training, which, let’s face it, has more in common with outdated military training methods than with modern, science-based, force-free dog training. Cheers to honoring outdated practices under the guise of 'contributions'!

Thank you Marc Bekoff for speaking up https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/animal-emotions/201304/cesar-millan-receives-honorary-graduate-degree-tail-wags

05/17/2024

Have you heard of The DogDaddy and his sponsor Impact Crates? Buckle up, because this is going to be a wild ride.**

Ah, The DogDaddy, a beacon of the "let's pretend this isn't outdated nonsense" school of dog training. And what better way to complement his approach than with Impact Dog Crates Because nothing says "I'm a responsible dog owner" like confining your dog in a high-security crate. Why let them feel safe and secure in their own home when you can create a canine Alcatraz?

The DogDaddy, renowned for his "unique" methods that often teeter on the edge of the 1950s, seems to believe that a good dog is a well-contained dog. And Impact Crates are here to help you with that mission. Forget teaching your dog how to behave; just lock them up and call it a day! It's almost like solving the problem by ignoring it completely. Genius!

But wait, it gets better. These crates are marketed as "indestructible," which is great because nothing says trust and mutual respect like making sure your dog has absolutely no chance of escape. Why build a relationship when you can build a fortress?

So, if you're into old-school dominance and think your dog should experience life behind bars, then The DogDaddy and his Impact Crates are just what you need. For everyone else who believes in a kinder, more effective approach to dog training, welcome to the world of force-free, ethical training. It might not come with a titanium cage, but it does come with a happy, well-adjusted dog. And isn't that what we all really want?

Feel free to drop your sarcastic remarks and passive-aggressive questions below. I promise to respond with just the right blend of wit and wisdom to keep things interesting.

06/20/2023

Yea, social learning! It's like going to doggy school without the fancy uniforms and lunch boxes. Dogs have a natural knack for observing and imitating behaviors, just like humans. And trust me, they're not just watching to steal your snacks or copy your fashion sense. Nope, dogs are little social scientists, learning by watching their canine buddies and even their human companions. So, if you're a dog trainer who hasn't grasped the concept of social learning, buckle up, because I'm about to tell you some cautionary tales.

Picture this: a trainer who believes that dogs are blank slates, devoid of any observational skills. They stick to the good ol' methods of yanking on choke chains, shouting "no" at the top of their lungs, and generally treating dogs like they're auditioning for a role in "Boot Camp: Canine Edition." Well, let me tell you, the fallout from this kind of ignorance can be a real doggy disaster. Jeff Gellman - and the poor Pyrenees service dog he threw a towel wrap at- came to my mind ( https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-51120105) or The Dog Daddyy who drags and chokes dogs on their prong collars until submission ( thank you Zak George for making a video about this most dangerous individual) https://www.tiktok.com//video/7209773407842356523
Sorry I got side squirreled,
First, let's talk about imitation. Dogs are like furry mimics, and they're not afraid to copy what they see. So, if a trainer is using harsh, punitive methods, guess what? The poor pup is likely to imitate that aggression and become a master at growling and snarling. Congratulations, trainer! You just turned a sweet little Fido into a canine shark. Now, let's see if you can handle that black orca.

But wait, there's more! Enter emulation learning. This is when dogs achieve the same result but using a different method. So, imagine a clever Hans-trainer who insists on dragging dogs around by their leashes, completely disregarding the fact that dogs have their unique ways of doing things. Well, guess what? The clever canines will figure out their own techniques, often resulting in leash pulling that would make a tugboat blush. Way to go, trainer! You just taught those dogs that a peaceful walk is as mythical as a rainbow-colored unicorn.

Now, let's not forget social facilitation. This is when the presence of others enhances behavior. And boy, does it enhance! If you have a group of dogs in training, and one dog is anxious and barks, congratulations! You've just orchestrated a synchronized acapella-bark team. It's like a canine barking disaster; it's high-stress for everyone involved. Bravo, trainer! You've created a chorus line of chaos.

Finally, we have emotional contagion. Dogs are emotional sponges, soaking up the vibes around them. If a trainer is stressed, frustrated, aggressive, or just plain grumpy, guess what? The dogs will catch that emotional bug faster than you can say "negative reinforcement." That's right, folks. The trainer's bad mood will spread like wildfire, turning a training session into a canine flooding session. Congratulations, trainer! You just became the world's first anti-therapy trainer for dogs. Give yourself a pat on the back, preferably with a rolled-up newspaper.

So, dear trainers, let these cautionary tales be a lesson to you. Suport social learning, understand the power of observation and tap into your dog's innate ability to learn from their peers and you. Do No Harm Dog Training and ethical training methods are the way to go. Leave the outdated techniques in the history books where they belong. And if you need a serious training handbook to guide you on this enlightened path, grab Linda Michaels's "The Do No Harm Dog Training and Behavior Handbook." It's like a GPS for the ethical dog trainer, guiding you away from training pitfalls and steering you towards a rewarding and harmonious relationship with your four-legged companions.

Remember, folks, train with empathy, humor, and a sharp wit. Because in the world of dog training, it's not just about teaching tricks—it's about fostering a bond based on trust, understanding, and a mutual love for belly rubs.

03/14/2023

Oh, hello there!
And today, we're going to talk about why it's important to address secure attachment when dealing with dog-separation anxiety.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Secure attachment? What is this, a therapy session?" But trust me, when it comes to separation anxiety, understanding your dog's attachment style can make a world of difference.

You see, dogs with insecure attachment styles are more likely to develop separation anxiety. These are the dogs that just can't bear to be away from their owners for even a second. They'll whine, bark, destroy furniture, and generally make a nuisance of themselves until their owners return.

On the other hand, dogs with secure attachment styles are more likely to handle separation well. These are the dogs that may be a bit sad when their owners leave, but they'll settle down and wait patiently for their return.

So, how do you know if your dog has a secure or insecure attachment style? Well, there are a few signs to look out for. If your dog follows you around everywhere, constantly seeks physical contact, and becomes visibly distressed when you leave, they may have an insecure attachment style.

On the other hand, if your dog is independent and doesn't seem to mind being left alone, they may have a secure attachment style.

Now, addressing your dog's attachment style isn't a cure-all for separation anxiety. But it can certainly help. By working to build a secure attachment with your dog, you can help them feel more confident and less anxious when you're not around.

Some ways to build a secure attachment include regular training sessions, giving your dog plenty of positive reinforcement, and ensuring they have plenty of physical and mental stimulation throughout the day.

And of course, if your dog is already experiencing separation anxiety, it's important to work with a qualified professional to develop a comprehensive treatment plan that addresses all aspects of the issue.

So, there you have it. Another day, another lesson in canine psychology from your favorite self-sarcastic and funny, trauma-informed, force-free crossover trainer. Remember, folks, if your dog has separation anxiety, don't just treat the symptoms – address the root cause by building a secure attachment.

03/13/2023

I could not resist replying:

Hello there Barrister M. Daniel,

Firstly, greetings to you too! As for my family, well, they're as dysfunctional as ever, but I appreciate your concern.

Ah yes, the elusive email. Sorry to disappoint, but my inbox isn't exactly a priority in my life. I'm too busy dealing with aggressive dogs and their neurotic owners. But I'll make an exception just for you and check it out.

Oh, look at that! Your email managed to slip through the sea 🌊of spam messages and landed in my inbox. Congratulations! Unfortunately, I have yet to find the time to grace you with a response. But don't worry, I'll get around to it eventually.

In the meantime, I hope you have a great day too. May it be filled with as much excitement as a chihuahua's bark.

Best regards
Your sarcastic Dear…

03/05/2023

Oh, hey there folks! Yup it’s me, your favorite self-sarcastic and funny, trauma-informed, force-free crossover trainer!

And boy, do I have a story for you today.

So, a new client just messaged me about his aggressive 9-week-old puppy. And let me tell you, when I read that message, my first thought was, "Great. Just what this puppy needed - another trauma." But hey, I didn't become a dog behaviorists to only work with easy cases, right? Bring on the aggressive puppies!

Now, if you think that's bad, wait until you hear about what this poor puppy's been through. Apparently, the vet kept her in a kennel for two nights when she was only 8 weeks old, and didn't let her family see her. Can you imagine the trauma this little fluff ball must have gone through? I mean, I've seen some pretty messed up stuff in my years of working with aggressive dogs, but that takes the cake.

But here's the thing - trauma is no joke, especially for puppies. And while it may seem like a minor incident to us humans, it can have a serious impact on a dog's behavior and wellbeing. That's why it's so important to approach training and behavior modification with a trauma-informed mindset.

And don't even get me started on the vet who thought it was okay to keep a 9 week-old puppy in a kennel without any human interaction. I mean, come on - we're supposed to be the ones looking out for our furry friends, not causing them more stress and anxiety. But hey, we all make mistakes, right? Even vets.

So, what's the takeaway from all of this? Well, for starters, if you're dealing with an aggressive puppy, don't hesitate to reach out to a Trauma-informed behavior consultant who has experience working with these types of cases. And if your pup has experienced trauma in the past, be sure to take that into account when developing a training plan. And as for vets - well, let's just hope they learn from their mistakes join a fear free class and start treating our furry friends with the care and respect they deserve.

Thanks for tuning in, folks. Until next time, keep it sarcastic and force-free

Imagine for attention. Vetstreet.Com

03/02/2023

The concept of dominance as it relates to inter-species relationships, such as Canis/Homo dominance, is not clearly defined in ethology. So when we use the term "dominance" in the context of dog training, we are likely using it in the everyday sense of power and influence over others.

As a force-free crossover trainer with over 20 years of experience working with aggressive dogs, I can tell you that I have seen my fair share of dogs that were labeled as "dominant." But in reality, these dogs were simply trying to meet their basic needs for survival.

Our job as guardians of these animals is to support their needs, not to project our own egos and desires for control onto them. When we do this, we are not only being inhumane, but we are also likely exacerbating any aggressive behaviors that may already be present.

Instead, we should focus on understanding the individual needs of each dog and helping them to meet those needs in a positive and healthy way. This will not only reduce aggression, but it will also foster a stronger and more trusting relationship between the dog and their guardian.

So let's leave behind these outdated ideas of dominance and control and focus on what really matters: supporting the needs of our animal companions in a humane and compassionate way. Thank you, John Bradshaw, for bringing attention to this important issue.

03/01/2023

Statement: Force-free trainers fail to train aggressive dogs

Reply: Oh yes, force-free training is clearly a total failure when it comes to aggressive dogs. I mean, who needs positive reinforcement and gentle methods when you can scare the living daylights out of a dog until it does what you want? That's clearly the most effective way to build trust and create a happy, well-adjusted pup. I'm sure all the aggressive dogs out there are just dying for a good old-fashioned intimidation session. Bravo, forceful trainers, you've really got it all figured out.

Self-Sarcastic Force Free Trainer

05/04/2025

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