06/18/2024
🖤🖤🖤
Bear with me as this will probably be lengthy, but The Lord has put it on my heart to share my testimony. I'm not sure if this is just part of my walk with The Lord, or if there's somebody out there who needs to hear this.
I can remember it like it was yesterday. I was 14 years old at the church service at a USTRC roping in Mariana, FL. I was listening to the preacher, and it felt like everything he said, he was speaking directy to me. Being a young kid, and aspiring to do big things I knew what I wanted from a very young age but I also knew there was something bigger than just myself. That night I gave my heart to The Lord.
It felt as if though I had a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I craved that feeling. Then in high school, as life when on, I knew where my heart but would sway from left to right at times.
Most of the times I found myself praying was in the hard times. I hardly gave God the glory through the good. Then, I graduated high school and into the PRCA I went. I had high hopes but didn't know if I was good enough to compete with my idols, the guys I'd watched on tv my entire life and wanted to be like. I had success early on in the year. I won San Antonio, which if you don't rodeo, that's one of the bigger PRCA rodeos you can win. I felt like I had proven to myself that I belonged. We went on through that winter and I found myself bouncing around the top of the world standings.
But summer rodeoing was a different beast. The scores were longer and I had no idea how to keep my horse working from rodeo to rodeo. At that point I was all or nothing in the arena, and that was exactly where I was at in my walk with The Lord, too. I was either all in, or was trying to do it all on my own.
That year I ended up 16th in the world and roughly $1,200 out of making the NFR (which was my ultimate goal). Even though it crushed me, it lit a fire under me as well. I knew at that point that I was good enough to make it but there was ALOT that I had to learn to get to where I wanted to be.
Looking back, that was kind of the pivoting point in my life. I really thought I could do it all on my own. Somewhere in there, I started drinking and living the life of a 20-something that just wanted to be wild and free.
But it wasn't just a phase. I wish it was, but this played out over the next 9-10 years of my life. Somewhere in the middle of that, I met my wife. In the end, she would become by saving grace, but I put her through stuff that should have been avoided before we got there. Throughout that time period, I still believed in The Lord but I was not seeking him like I should have been. I was still having success in my career, I was having fun but I didn’t have the peace like I had once felt before.
My way of dealing with the stress of the everyday life or the not winning was to decompress with alcohol. It had became my crutch—I wasn't casting my burdens and worries onto The Lord like he asks us too. It got so bad, that I nearly lost the best thing in my life, Nicole. My wife. She was my rock, the stability in my life that I had been missing for so many years. Several times in there I would attempt to quit drinking or slow down and one thing led to another and I would end up slowly easing back into it until it was too much again.
So in 2020, I made the decision that I was done with it. I wanted to be a better person, I wanted to be a better husband to her, I wanted to be a better version of myself to my unborn son, I wanted to be a better roping partner, and I wanted to grow closer to God then I had ever been before. So that is what I done, I have been sober now for 3.5 years and it was the very best decision I have ever made. It is crazy how much changes, how much more clear your mind is and your decision making skills.
I am nowhere near perfect. I am nowhere near where I want to be in my walk with God. BUT I am working on it every singly day. I am reading devotionals, I am taking personal growth classes, I am attending church frequently. I am a better person than I was 4 years ago. And if I can do it, anyone can do it.
This is not some speech to tell everyone to do better or to follow my lead. Because trust me I still fail on the DAILY. But that does not mean that I can’t try to be better each and every day.
My proudest moment to date, trumping any world championship or win, was Saturday when Nicole and I got baptized together.
This journey has been so fulfilling. We're relying on one another to grow closer to God, work to be the best people we can every day and ultimately being the best parents we can be for Ledger.
