Birkdale Animal Hospital

02/19/2025

We wanted to give our thanks and gratitude to our favorite retiree. Igor has patrolled his last shift for Huntersville PD. He did more than 430 operations, 90 arrests, 2000 hours of training and located more things on criminals than we can post. Igor is special to all of us as he had a training accident 3 years ago which eventually led to him having his front leg amputated. He then successfully recertified to be back on patrol. We will miss his athletic ability, great demeanor (if you were in the right side of the law) and he unlimited energy. The Huntersville PD will not miss the steering wheels he ate in the squad cars, the seats he dug through, the dog housees he destroyed and the endless supply of non-destructible toys he destroyed. Join us in wishing him a retirement full of patrolling junk yards!
Mark, Sarah and all of the Birkdale team

01/10/2025

Winter weather

12/31/2024

2024 year in review

We wanted to take some time to bring you some highlights of another year in our life and what our family endured. This year we are changing it up as this may be my last year doing this. The reason….I am sharing with you all the phone apps I have created and I plan to be retired with all the profits I acquire. See you in Hawaii living next to Oprah suckers.
DISCLAIMER: Extreme sarcasm ahead with no intentions to harm/insult any race, religion, sexual orientation, color, species, or political view. Here is our top 10 from 2024:

2024 top 10 Apps I created from life experiences

1. Alarm clock app
2. Weather app.
3. Breathalyzer app
4. Budget app
5. Fashion mistake app.
6. Travel app. Heathrow no I need London
7. Resume app
8. Pet sitting app.
9. Time travel app in VR.
10. App “what to expect when expecting an adult child home”

What does this all mean?

2024 top 10 Apps I created
1. Alarm clock app . App translation: I just could not stand my college students coming home on break and sleeping through their alarms. Sounds simple but it isn’t. They sleep for hours with the alarm beeping. There could be a fire and they won’t wake. My new app. When their alarm goes off it will send stun gun like clamps to grab onto their ni***es and send 10,000 volts through them. ( you know you can milk anything with ni***es, right Focker) I am hoping that once they crap themselves and loose a bit of skin to the burn they will now wake when the iPhone goes off.
2. Weather app. App translation: I know you all are waiting for something amazing but this App will really just tell you the weather. So when your teenage son gets in the car in flip flops and no jacket when you are heading down to dinner at the sizzler at your parents place in Maine the app will have already let him know he is stupid. We all know shame doesn’t work with boys so the app will also send childhood pictures to their insta page and snap story! Maybe the ones in the tub naked at 2 with no ge***al development will help get them to look at the weather.
3. Breathalyzer App. App translation: this one is going to be my best seller. No matter what time of day (aka the “darty”), what event (aka sorority parents weekend), or what is due (aka I’m out the night before the physics exam I forgot I was going to study for) those dumb drunks will have to blow an alcohol limit 2 points below the states maximum for the car to start. This will revolutionize transportation. I thought Uber was going to it but this will. I already have RonCo looking to pick it up for an infomercial.
4. Budget app. App translation: this will be life changing for the freshman girl who has a raging case of affluenza! When she goes to swipe for the Lululemon toe socks at $197 while she currently doesn’t have gas to drive home for break the card will be declined. Maybe it will be more obvious if I say it like this. When she goes to swipe for Narragansett pumpkin ale and Boone’s farm wine with her meal card at the bookstore it will be declined with a fart like sound coming from the machine for all to hear.
5. Fashion mistake app. App translation: This will save every hair on a father’s head not to mention that throbbing vein that pops up to the right of the eyebrow. When your beloved college student prepares to leave he apartment wearing only a Christmas bow as a top, using a pillow case for her toga costume ( think throw pill size) or finds that trying to place stickers on their chest in the perfect location so as the bra is only a cover up if it gets cold this app will effectively lock all doors in her apartment. Even the roommates will be locked in so as they may join in the chastising of her when she finally puts on something that was actually planed as a shirt when it was sewn.
6. Travel app. App translation: you will never need to explain anything ever again to your sub-adult about travel when you purchase this app. You will travel in style, on time, and with only a carryon forever. Here are a few questions and situations that the app will answer/fix for you. When you child is traveling alone and is blowing up the flight attendant during take off because he is on the wrong plane and he doesn’t need to go to Heathrow he needs to get to London. How about: “dad, we all have a seat number. I’ll get on the plane when I want to. There is no rush. So relax it doesn’t leave for 15 minutes”. Or my favorite fix is that you will never have to answer any questions about why you landed in Alaska in December and there are no winter clothes in either of their 4 checked bags beside flip flops and torn shorts.
7. Resume app: App translation: this is an awesome one. It will make your future looser child look like a winner to everyone who reads their application except the one who does the hiring. my onetime dog sitting job changes to ceo of petco. My summer scooping ice cream changes to head dessert technician in charge of production. Not to be outdone, the one day I had a job at Harris teeter but never went after they told me I was hired will change to chief information officer relating to aging, Medicare, and productivity with a staff age average above 65. Although it cuts out the piece about the depends purchases for a coworker.
8. Pet sitting app. App translation: seriously it will tell your pet sitter to get the f-ing mail,scoop the litter box, take the trash out and don’t let the damn dogs chew on that. “That” can be anything that is obvious that I bought for myself and not a damn pet. And having two veterinarians didn’t help make any of the three sitters we have smart.
9. Time travel app in VR. App translation: This one is one is focused on the age group 50 and over and you’ll love it. When your privileged parasites say things like “ I am so tired I need to order grub hub” their VR set plays your life at their age. So they will see you fixing your hunger problem by making a pizza out of a stale English muffin, marinara sauce from old pasta and a slice of American cheese I had to unwrap. Here is another great example, they say “I need some me time for my personal health”. In their VR they see a high speed review of one day of your 6th grade life with the high lights of walking up hill alone to the bus, doing the presidential fitness test at school while your junk hangs out of your school issued shorts climbing up the rope. Then once your dropped back off after school you push your lawnmower down the road to mow mostly rock lawns with a few redwoods in the middle that you have to cut to get your 5 bucks. Then push the mower back home with one back wheel locked up, put food out in the dog lot, wait your turn to use the sh***er after your 4 brothers, eat you jello casserole with bird seed in it (for protein), head to your room to do your homework with your pencil then once done your dad will yell to you that you get “5 minutes of encyclopedia Britannica and lights out”. You scurry to find the old mad-lib in your backpack to erase your sisters answer and put your own in there. Then “ turn the damn light out before I beat sense into you” me time over!
10. App “what to expect when expecting an adult child home”. App translation: I thought I was done after the original book of what to expect when you’re expecting but NO. This volume hits you right where it hurts. It explains things like when your adult child comes home their bed doubles as a dinning room table/kitchen. It will get you ready for all the household work they will do like they will take your plate for you after dinner. I say “ thank you so much” and they drop those right off on the counter and head back to gaming. One of my favorites is we have a new laundry bin. It doubles as the small space directly outside the door of their room! Oh don’t worry it will also give you some amazing benefits. Like it teaches you there are 30 hours in a day. This happens because your child is online for literally 30 hours a day scrolling tick tocks with not a second to try and look for a job or to know that when they text you about where you are on Tuesday at three, cause they need entertainment, you already are prepared to tell them your at work like the last 20 years of Tuesdays.

Thank you for letting our hospital team be a part of your 2024. Sarah and I want to thank you for letting us be part of your lives and your amazing journey. We do know how special this life is and all the gifts we have been given. Being able to work on your beloved pets is our greatest gift. Our whole Staff does this work because we love the animals. May we make more memories in 2025 and I do know I am not making a dime off of my apps so I will be back at work and preparing for the next list of the highlights of life.
Happy 2025
Mark

10/31/2024

10/31/2024

It’s that time of year! The special moment when I make Sarah do Halloween stunts and take joy in making a fool of myself. So here you go!
Happy Halloween 2024. If you can handle it the video is next so keep scrolling.

04/08/2024

It took almost 20 years but finally we did it………….
We now have an Online Pharmacy.

Here is all the transparency:
1. Why now?
We have looked at this for many years but the services that did this charged such a huge percentage that the prices on the site wouldn’t have been competitive.
2. So what’s different now?
We partnered with Vetcove. They will give us the opportunity to carry almost unlimited products online and they will match CHEWY.COM prices! We now have an equal
Playing field. It will also offer compound medication. Any and all of the heartworm, flea, tick products you could want. We couldn’t be more excited
3. What’s the catch?
There isn’t one. You get on our webpage (top corner for your computer, bottom menu for your phone) and the request comes to the hospital. Same shipping times and fees depending on what you bought (free shipping is in there). Automatic refills and much more. They make their money on selling more product than just to our hospital directly. We actually have now been able to drop some of our in clinic prices with this partnership.
4. I’m happy with how I do it now, why change?
First shop local. We have been at a disadvantage against these huge firms for a long time. Second eventually there will be costs associated with online prescriptions. I don’t know when but one day before I retire we will have to. Currently we have to mange all of the files for your pets. We have to keep tract of all medications we approve and keep the records for three years. So we are doing this work for online pharmacies so they can profit. At some
Point we will stop working for them or charge for our time. Just being honest. It has to go that way I just don’t know when.
5. Any secrets we should know?
We still get great rebates and deals in the hospital so there will be times we still will be cheaper in hospital. It’s just the nature of the beast.

I hope I have answered most of the questions. I tried to capitalize all my sentences and use punctuation so you know I was serious. If you have read this far I will give you one last secret, Sarah and I are not working less hours or retiring. You all know I got three in college. I can’t stop working. Oh, and I have no ther skills than this.

Mark

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