04/19/2024
Such important insight and wisdom shared by Dr. Martha M. Faraday, PhD, Four Oaks Equine Nutrition - what lands in your heart when you read this?
On the Right Moment, the Cosmic Seesaw, and Sitting in the Stars
A client lost a horse a few days ago. She fought hard for his life. He fought hard for his life. But it was not to be. She found herself in that hard moment and had to make that hard decision.
Animal owners dread stepping into that moment and finding themselves saying, yes, it is time. As a nutritionist who works with horses who have complicated illnesses and , in some cases, terminal illnesses, this worry is always present – whether or not we speak it out loud. It is always present for me because several animals that live with us have life-ending conditions and an unknown timeline for their time here.
Letting our beloved go in love when it is time is our highest duty. It is not an easy duty -- and it may cost us dearly -- but it is our highest duty. You were chosen as guardian because you will carry out this duty from a space of love. No matter how many hands this animal may have passed through before he or she came to you, the universe anointed you with this responsibility at your birth. Because you will carry out this duty as intended.
This is the most intimate of decisions. You may find yourself asking for guidance from vets, from colleagues, from other animal owners, from trusted friends, from family members. You may find that, having asked, you now have to grapple with advice and opinions, some quite strong, that conflict. In the end, only two heartbeats matter in this decision: yours and your creature’s. Remember that you were chosen because you know what to do and when to do it.
There is no right moment that you missed. You are not too early and you are not too late. No matter how this unfolded – a long illness with many ups and downs or a sudden catastrophe – the moment that you are making this decision is exactly the right moment. When you took over guardianship of this being, that moment was already known. And it was known that you would make the decision at exactly the right time.
No matter how difficult the events were that led up to this decision, no matter how much suffering you bore witness to, no matter how much anguish you felt as the events unfolded –they have no power over your horse, your dog, your cat. My hardest loss is a horse named Brother Bear. His emaciated 35 year old body was wrecked by neglect after a lifetime of service. He moved to our property and was here for 24 hours before he collapsed from severe heart failure. He could not stand and the vet was many hours away. A group of women sat with him in the pasture where his legs had given out, stroking him and talking with him, shading him from the hot summer sun and offering him water, surrounding him with love. When the vet came, he left gently.
“I cannot be destroyed. The body is just the body. I am a Being of Light and I am Eternal.” One of my horses (who has cancer) told me this early in his illness when he saw me struggle because I did not know how to help him. When he thinks that I am worrying too much, he says, “Remember…”
Remember.
His words echo Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh: “The body is not me… Birth and death are only a door through which we go in and out. Birth and death are only a game of hide and seek… Tomorrow we shall meet again or even before….” (from No Death, No Fear).
Your horse, your dog, your cat knows this, in her bones, in every cell in his body, with every breath and heartbeat.
Remember.
As humans we struggle with the feelings and images of that last stretch of life. We are anguished at our creature’s suffering. We agonize that we could not save him or her. We wonder if only we had done something differently, would that have changed things. We would give anything to have prevented all of this, to have made different choices. We do not want it all to end in this way. I still grieve that Brother Bear did not have more time here, more recovery, more love, more to offset the horror that was the last phase of his life. That is my human limitation. Love is love. It is infinite. In those last hours, he was offered and he accepted infinite love.
Remember.
These events, these thoughts, these feelings, these memories -- none of these have any power over your beloved creature. If you sit on one side of a cosmic seesaw, holding all the torments and worries you have about those last moments, and you put the counterweight of love on the other side, you will be catapulted into the stars… and from that breathless eternal perspective you will know that nothing can counterbalance the power of the universe – which is love. In the end, and in the beginning, and everywhere in between, only love is real.
Only love has weight. Read that again. ONLY love has weight.
Let go of the anguish and the worry and the second-guessing. If the decision is looming, then know you will make the right decision at exactly the right time. If the decision is past, then know that you made the right decision at exactly the right time.
Let go of the images that trouble and wrench you. Remember the joyful. Remember the gifts. Remember what this being offered to you that ONLY he or she could offer to ONLY you. Because of course that is why this being came to you, came under your care. For him or for her -- but also for you.
Remember.
Go sit in the stars. Your horse is there. Your dog is there. Your cat is there. Waiting for you.
