05/30/2024
I’ll be honest with you and say that it feels hard to post right now without acknowledging that the world is somewhat of a challenge to be open to without feeling an assortment of rage and despair and hopelessness and sadness mixed in with moments of desperation.
In any individual conversation that I’m having- be it in my membership program, with friends, with myself- it’s important to acknowledge the context, the environment that we are all apart of and how that is influencing our experience and feeling.
To pretend that we can keep our conversations ‘just to horses’ if we are sharing the details of our insides and how we are able to show up as aware and compassionate humans without recognizing how the wider systems and events of our lives, communities, the world, is delusional and wholly misses the point.
We are a part of everything and everything is a part of us- the denial of this, I believe, is where things start to go seriously pear shaped. Where we create ‘othering’ and hierarchies of importance that allow us to treat other people, other creatures we share the world with, the world itself, without the reverence and respect that they deserve simply because of their existence.
My work with the nervous system is, in part, about bringing people out of survival mode- a system of reflex- that sees them cycling round in loops of experience that relate more to experiences of the past than they do the present. Beyond that, if we are, ourselves, functioning in a state of shut down or collapse, then we are also unable to be present to the world. This is, after all, the whole function of the collapsed state. We go inside of ourselves as a method of protection from everything ‘out there’.
In theory, it sounds great- to get to a place where you are present with the world, present for the reality- but the truth of it is that it is a brave place to occupy, for the simple reason that reality can be a lot. What is happening in front of us can be- IS- a lot. But the thing is, if we have any hope of changing things; if we want to add our voice to conversations or our actions in service of those who are unable to act for themselves then we DO need to find a way to be present without consistent escape.
So how do we do that? How do we live in a world where the amount of feeling it creates can, if we are not careful, remove us from our agency?
In the ideal world, we would have access to tools and support that allow us nervous system care. Our nervous system shouldn’t be something that we have to take care of, but the way modern living has organized us means that it is unfortunately something we must be responsible for. A tuned in nervous system results in a feeling body, one that is communicating to the brain all day long in the language of sensation. This means that I have to grow my ability to hold sensation within the edges of my skin without it causing alarm, or tripping off a thought process that pulls me back into my fight flight nervous system.
Because this is a blog though, not a course or bigger conversation, what I’m going to offer here are some troubleshooting measures to help if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed and like it’s too much. This list is not exhaustive- I’m sitting at the kitchen table right now, amid making lunches and organizing children- but it’s my offering to you if you need a way of grounding and coming back.
Let’s do this…
1. Be responsible for your consumption. I’m of the opinion that we need to bear witness to world events, but you can also saturate yourself with incoming content to the point where you are no longer useful- and this doesn’t serve anyone, least of all you. If you find you are scrolling, watching the news, or reading distressing content more than normal, make sure you get outside, notice what is beautiful and feel grateful for the place you do live in. Rest and joy are a form of resistance, and if you are in the privileged place where both are available to you, do not squander them.
2. Compression. There is a reason that we swaddle babies. If you are getting outside of yourself, wrap yourself tightly in a blanket for a while (if you have a weighted blanket then great), have a bath (the water is compression too) or swim. Even just lying down and putting a wheat bag or something similar across your abdomen or chest can be useful. Compression increases our sensory feedback which helps us flick back into our parasympathetic system.
3. Have a ticking clock, a metronome, or play music with a regular beat in the background. Heart rhythms sync up with regular beat so this can be a really stabilizing thing to do.
4. Get yourself into a natural setting and let yourself be there. No phone or screen. Let yourself hear what’s around you. If you can, take your shoes off and go for a barefoot walk. Get your body onto the actual ground, the actual soil, the actual earth.
5. Resource yourself with things that move you in the best possible way. Art, writing, music. Talk to a friend. Become a beauty hunter. Match the negativity that you feel with an equal amount of tenderness. Let your heart break if it needs to. It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok.
And beyond that, know that if you are hurting- so many people are hurting- you are not alone. You are not alone. We may not be able to fix so much of what we can see but we can take care of ourselves, and we can do what we can. We can do what we can.
Love to your gentle selves.
Peace, peace, peace.
xx Jane
