03/08/2025
Why are there so many neurotic unhappy dogs in our society when so much time, attention, and money is focused on trying to give them happy lives? Perhaps it has something to do with humans not knowing how to be in the balance of dog ownership.
The Wisdom Offered By The Middle Of The Road
By Margit Maxwell
The topic that was being discussed on another forum was why dogs these days end up being more unhealthy, physically and emotionally, even though humans are more focused than ever on trying to give their dogs better and happier lives. It was pointed out that “the demands placed on a modern "pet" dog are really high” these days.
I responded that this issue may be a reflection a further reaching dynamic happening in humans’ lives today .... the inability to find the reasonable balance in any given situation. Humans insist on approaching everything from a black OR white attitude. For them, it’s all or it’s nothing. Whatever happened to meeting somewhere in the balanced middle ground?
Extreme Thinking Is Never A Good Thing
On one end of the continuum you have people who treat animals like soulless objects and do not give any thought to why they should give their dogs an emotionally satisfying and love filled life. At the other far end of the spectrum you have people who anthropomorphize dogs and smother their dogs with "love" and attention to the extreme point of creating neurotic dogs who can no longer even live the natural life of a dog and are made to be miserable.
Both ends of this continuum will create unhappy and unstable dogs who don't end up living a very good quality of life. Perhaps the answer to how to give our dogs a happy life lies in meeting in the balance of these two polarized concepts.
Finding The Shades of Gray
Uncaring and unfeeling owners do relegate dogs to living sad and unhappy lives devoid of companionship, love, and inclusion but that does not mean going overboard with your dog is going to create a happier dog. More is never better; it’s just MORE. So if you love your dog and want him to be truly happy and well balanced, always look for the balance offered by the middle ground.
Do’s and Don’ts Of Being a Loving and Caring Balanced Dog Owner
• Don't relegate dogs to living in an isolated room or chained to tree outside. Do include your dog in your life and into your home. Make them feel welcome and included as part of your family life.
• Do give them loving care and emotional stimulation as they well deserve but don’t smother them with attention to the point where they tune you out or become neurotically co-dependent on you. Dogs should be excited and happy to be included in your life. Time spent with them should be fun and interesting, not about drudgery, unpleasantness, or dysfunction.
• Do give your dog humane gentle guidance to encourage good behaviour because dogs need help to know how to successfully live in our human created society while still honouring the fact that they are dogs, not furry humans or robots. Somewhere between creating an institutionalized zombie dog with a dead-behind-the-eyes look on his face and an out-of-control “free range” dog is the happy medium of turning out a polite and well trained dog that you can walk and take into public without the fear of them attacking other dogs or knocking over other humans. A dog can have manners and training and still be fun loving and spirited. You are not forced to choose between one or the other of these two concepts.
• Do choose to train your dog using positive reinforcement rather than coercive methods otherwise you will sacrifice your Relationship/ Trust Bond in the name of having a trained dog. Dogs do not have to be trained using punishment, pain, threats, bullying, fear, or by domination. While these training methods may yield temporary compliance, it will not yield a happy, balanced, or trusting dog. You can train to get certain behaviours and still have a happy and loving dog who trusts you and loves to spend time with you too.
• Don’t demand that your dog conform to your whims and notions about what would be fun for your dog. Always see the dog that stands before you and don’t insist on pounding square pegs into round holes.
If your dog loves a challenge and is a natural athlete, then do agility, fly ball, dock dive, or run with your dog but it’s also okay for your dog not to like doing those things. Not every dog will love doing the work of a Therapy Dog so take your cues from your dog. The same is also true for taking dogs to the dog park; not every dog is comfortable at the dog park.
Honour who your dog is and tailor their recreational activities to suit their personality, their level of activity, and their needs, not yours. Don’t demand that your dog do things just because YOU like doing them or because it strokes your ego.
• Don’t forget to leave time for your dog to just be a dog, doing dog things. Allow them opportunity to run, sniff, socialize with other dogs and sometimes to just hang out and do nothing but chew a bone. Stop turning their lives into a frantically regimented and overly structured human induced nightmare.
Dogs know how to lead happy and contented lives without human beings forcing a lot of activities on them. Dogs don’t need to always be doing something to keep them happy or feeling loved. Sometimes, just the act of turning off the TV and your cell phone and spending some quality goofing-off time with your dog will make your dog feel more happy and loved than taking him to dog park and then ignoring him while you check your email.
Learning How To Be A Balanced Human Being, Not a Human DOing
And just maybe, if people applied this theory of finding the balance in all things to their own lives, perhaps humans could actually lead much more calm, centered, and less frantic lives than they currently lead now. Perhaps humans would finally be able to find the peace and happiness they seek in simplicity, rather than in the chaotic, frenzied, and over scheduled lives they have created for themselves and now, for their dogs.
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