01/16/2020
#8, 10, 18-20 (w/ZERO dilemma), and 40, but MOST OF ALL, #21!!!! SCIENCE, people. :)
🤣😱🐾 YOU KNOW YOU ARE A DOG TRAINER WHEN:
(PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ADD YOUR OWN 😂)
1. Your wardrobe seems to hold the whole rainbow spectrum of branded hoodies from various dog training organisations and sponsors
2. ...Despite this, you know as soon as you go out in public with your own dog whilst wearing one, the likelihood of them starting to act feral in public increases by 110%
3. People look on in amazement as you show what is possible to cram into a bog standard hoodie, and one day you overhear someone comment “I would of never thought of that” as you reward your dog from your hood, and have figured out how to “lay” toys out the back of your hoody...
4. Your own dog flits between being a super geeky teachers pet, and some sort newly discovered barely civilised creature. The same goes for you 😂
5. Instead of trips to the south of France and the Bahamas, your idea of an awesome minibreak is a training camp, and you regularly travel more hours by car and train in a couple of weeks than most people do by plane to do so 😂
6. You are often completely oblivious as to how much mud you are covered in, especially when practicing for displays, that normal people would gasp at, but those that know you in your local area barely bat an eyelid
7. You have experienced the cavalleti domino effect of a sequence of poles falling down as you have tried to set them up... leading you to question the meaning of life...
8. When people say “When do I stop giving my dog food rewards” your stock answer has become “When you want to stop getting paid, Karen!”...
9. You are sure a kitten cries somewhere every time someone walks their dog on a flexi lead in public, especially near roads.
10. When people say “Oh my dog loves their ” you lose the will to live due to lack of knowledge about +CERS
11. People are completely bemused by the fact you will only feed organic raw ethical dog food or at the very least, a single protein kibble with no artificial colourings or flavourings, but will highly recommend hotdogs in moderation for use in a training session 😂
12. Likewise, you will spend hours pouring over the finer details of different brands of foods and treats, before stocking up on loads of True Instinct UK and Natures Menu for an event with your dog, and get home and it dawns upon you, you realise you have accidentally eaten nothing but a Diet Coke and a cornetto all day 😂
13. Your ideal night in is freeshaping random behaviours and you have been known to practice your heelwork positions at 3am due to not being able to sleep.
14. After being spoiled by runners delivering emergency m&s extra special cocktail sausages on a media job, your diva dog decides she is going up in the world and then temporarily refuses to eat her normal co-op ones until the reality check hits her 😂
15. You choose a car not on how it looks, but how much dog stuff you can fit in it
16. You find yourself giving effectively a free consult to people in awkward social situations with other hoomans
17. Despite non stop studying and every night topping up on cpd hours, non stop trying to develop your theory and practical application there is always that one person that feels they are more qualified despite working in a completely unrelated area 😂
18. When you practice your dogs training in the local park, Lynda from down the road says to you, although completely well meaning, extremely infuriatingly that you must love “The Dog Whisperer”...
19. ...You then have an ethical conundrum- do you carry on and have a nice walk or do you fulfill your civic duty in the welfare interests for dogs and explain why alpha and pack heriachy theory is completely flawed and debunked...
20. ...and then end up going on to accidental on purpose lecture on dog body language and the fallout of aversives to the poor unsuspecting women when she mentioned in passing “fluffy KNEW he wasn’t supposed to do it”...
21. Anyone who uses the phrase “Purely Positive” instead of the terms FF/Progressive Reinforcement leads you to experience internalised indecascent rage as it obviously shows the writers lack of understanding of the topic.
22. When you blow your candles out to make a wish on your birthday you hope those who use a “bonker” to punish dogs and don’t realise towels are for drying their backside that their wi***es and other rude body parts drop off and perish randomly in the middle of the night...
23. ...on a more positive note, All the pockets of your jackets and hoodies are gone because you keep forgetting treats in your pockets and you have experienced a very determined Labrador, beagle or EBT casually trying to eat THROUGH your hoodie whilst taking a background history...
24. ...you get eaten alive by a pastoral pup or one of their crosses and in an effort to put their hooman at ease you hide the hand the blood is trickling from and don’t look until your are out the house as you don’t want them to panic or feel bad...
25. You have experienced a moment of showing someone it’s possible to teach a chase recall without zapping your dog, they look at you like you have made a white rabbit appear magically from your treat pouch like some sort of crazed magician 🎩
26. ...You have earnt the title of “The Dog Wizard” on multiple ocassions...
27. When you get home your your dog/dogs pillage all items of clothing for leftovers sniff you up and down like you are some sort of prehistoric monster then look at you with disgust with the knowledge that the guilt trip will work as you have obviously been cheating on them with other dogs...
28. When a dog is charging for you, you instinctively reach for your treat pouch in the same speed and manner as a cop reaching for their sidearm.
29. You accept that some mystery stains should remain a mystery...especially if working with a adolscent cockerpoos/sh*tzus with very little...ahem...frustration tolerance
30. No, you don't notice the wet dog smell anymore, why?
31. You say leave it/wait to other animals, including children, inanimate objects and spouses.
32. You have mystery bruises.
33. You go to an appointment covered in bleeding scratches, and wind up trying to convince the client that you're okay, it was just a big puppy, this happens all the time.
34. Ditto for any medical examinations
35. You don't need to fill in the voice dialogue for your dogs side of the conversation anymore.
36. You see an advertisement for a movie/show featuring a certain breed and silently wish you had a wall to bang your head against.
37. You know a little dog drool never hurt anyone, but a lot of dog drool is stains your clothing in unusual and difficult to explain ways.
38. You find squeaky dog toys in the handbag you took to the cinema 😂...
39. ...and as a result the assistance dog you are with shoots you a few confused head tilts...
40. People are bewildered that you do not want to pet every dog you see.
41. People are surprised (and disappointed) that you don't get bit more.
42. People ask to see bite scars.
43. You keep an extra change of clothing in the car, but realize your shoes are a lost cause!
44. At any given time, you have somewhere on your person, clicker(s), treats, toys, p**p bags, leash(es).
45. You view cargo pants as a necessity, not a fashion statement.
46. People are always asking when you're getting another dog.
47. Clients/Rescues believe it is your responsibility to adopt said dogs because no one else wants them.
48. People ask are you a Dog Whisperer (ugh, no), and it would be better if your powers worked on people instead of dogs.
49. People assume you have magical abilities to speak to dogs.
50. When the owner says ‘he’s never done that before’ = Has done at least 6 times but I’ve suppressed such memories 😂
51. The garden is completely re designed, not to make it more decorative, but to give you more room for training.
52. When you see someone training a dog really well you feel the need to go over and tell them they're doing a great job and you're utterly genuinely delighted that you have found someone who actually knows what they are doing.
53. You wear your PPG hoodie just about all the time. Whenever you do the laundry, you find treats in every single pocket, mixed with p**p bags.
54. Even worse... When you take your bra off at night and clickers and treats rain onto the floor...
55. Your covered in unexplained bruises and scratches and people stare in the supermarket when you wear shorts!
Feel free to add your own!
