06/21/2021
***TW***
Long post but definitely worth the read to really understand a day in the life of a rescuer ….
We recently took on a cat from a su***de. Yesterday I got the rest of the story, something for people to consider.
The lady who su***ded was an animal rescuer. The local cat lady. She had for many years been saving and helping animals in her area. Not a hoarder, not a bad egg. Just a local rescuer.
Please share with your rescue friends.
As she got older her body could not keep up with the work . . but the pressure continued and as people kept pushing animals onto her .. even if she said no. Even if her hands could not work, or she couldnt bend over to feed. But . . . Just .. one ... more.
No one knows if that was what eventually ended her life.
# # # Note If this is resonating with you and you are wanting help there is Lifeline 131114, Beyond Blue 1300224636 💙 do not listen to people are going to make you feel bad. Talk to people away from rescue # # #
We have in the last month had rescuers contact us discussing su***de, on the verge of family breakups or ready to jump off a cliff . . one of them was actually at the cliff the day before. . . . . driven there by the pressure she was under from all sides.
In all seriousness, these warning signs need to be heeded.
The amount of pressure poured onto animal rescuers is insane. I cannot dramatise that. It just is. In many instances rescuers are people with no training or qualifications to help cope with grief or pressure . . many of them have no support mechanisms, these are volunteers that give up life, food, work and family and funding to help the animals. Because if they dont an animal will suffer.
You might imagine it is just a rescuer feeling bad about stray cats and helping them.
What the public dont see is that once you people know you have helped an animal, everyone wants more . . . It becomes every day, every social interaction, every night.
A friend from work will say "hey, I know you help animals, I have this issue with . . . " . . . your partner will be asked "I know your partner has cats can you ask . . " . . you will get messages, emails, . . every social interaction you have you hear the words “I just want your advice can you help with....” and everything becomes pressure to take in more.
And your friends will say "I know you are full but I'm your friend, can you just help me with . . . . "
And if you ask for advice or support from rescue ... you face a barrage of toxic nitpicking, abuse or at worst . . being told to go end it all.
"What do you throw a drowning animal rescuer? more animals, make them drown" This is how it can seem.
So people start disconnecting to avoid the constant guilt and pressure.
So what can you do. FIrstly, share this post. It's not weak or whining. It just "is".
This is something to consider when you find a cat and just look for someone . . anyone . . to take it off your hands.
Listen without prejudice. Just . listen. You may not be able to help, but ask people if they are OK.
Before you give cats to anyone to foster or care for . . ask them "How many do you have now, how are you going to feed them . . do you have a vet . . . . and more importantly . . ARE YOU OK is this pressuring you? Give them a chance to back out. Dont force them
Do you need to tag that person on Facebook when they are being tagged 20 times in a day already?
They have not slept, they have been up all night feeding and cleaning . . but you just tagged them anyway "just in case" . . did you do much? No, it was no effort for you but you could break them. That last time you tagged them may drive them off a cliff.
They dont "like" being tagged in the same way you probably dont like watching animals being tortured. It's more pressure on top of the huge amount they are already under.
Dont "Just ask for advice" when what you really mean is "Im hoping to guilt trip you to taking more cats". Just ask the question plainly and if the answer is no . . the answer is no.
Ask if the rescuer is OK. Ask how many cats they have and when the last time was they actually got to do what normal people do.
Ask when they went out and spent time with their family last. Ask them what are the three things you can do to help them or that they would like to do.
Ask . . do I need to push this cat onto someone else? Cant I do it myself? You have two cats . . they have 20, do they need to be pushed. If they say no, do you keep pushing?
If you are helping a friend out then try to help them, not just put the problem on a rescuer.
Often rescuers say no, and people get abusive or scream in capitol letters trying to bargain and guilt and threaten . . "I dont want to take them to the pound" then dont take them to the pound. Do something else besides threaten their lives if someone else doesnt help them for you.
Even internally in a rescue group itself it can happen. Be conscious of the people around you and the pressure they may be under.
When you are a rescuer, working your hardest to rehome cats but are constantly being criticised by the people around you, or being targetted in toxic gossip can feel like you are trapped in mission impossible (we ignore it). Working hard to rescue and getting screamed at as thanks is not uncommon. Not everyone is thick skinned.
As a rescuer. What can you do.
(Sidenote - my biggest piece of advice from personal experience . . stay out of the rescue chat channels, groups, pages . . these are the most toxic, time wasting places to be in and you will end up under pressure to take more cats).
Say to everyone. "I am focused on rehoming the animals I have and cannot take more. I have 20, I need to get that down to 5, if I take more they will suffer, I do not have a wait list, I cannot commit.
That's it, turn it around on them, ask them what they will do. Say no, and back it with hard fact.
I will repeat that piece of advice
"I am focused on rehoming the animals I have and cannot take more. I have 20, I need to get that down to 5, if I take more they will suffer, I do not have a wait list, I cannot commit."
Remember that expression. Cut and paste it, save it. Use it.
If people say "I dont want to take it to the pound", they are in control of that . . not you, they should not take it to the pound.
Normally then people will ask for advice, have a cut and paste ready to go with all the things they should do, but dont take on any more work.
If people keep pushing, block them.
Some groups are fortunate in that they have a strong network of friends and a team to fall back on (and help say no), other things outside of rescue and years of experience, but even with that we are still human and there are many days where you ask "why did I do this again".
If you are needing help. Call out. If you cant contact friends as they will only push you to feel bad or take more, phone a friend who is not connected or callLifeline 131114, Beyond Blue 1300224636 💙 do not listen to people are going to make you feel bad. Talk to people away from rescue # # #
The country needs a healthy and strong national network of rescuers because the big organisations simply cannot do it. For that to occur rescue workers need comping mechanisms, understanding and support, and to be kept to their limits when they ask . .. beg . . to not be pushed beyond them.
This was a really sad story and this wasnt a hoarder or a nut job, just a small every day rescue lady in need.
One more time, remember this expression. When you get pressured, use it.
"I am focused on rehoming the animals I have and cannot take more. I have 20, I need to get that down to 5, if I take more they will suffer, I do not have a wait list, I cannot commit."