Alexandra Cartey - Certified Life Coach

12/14/2024

New Year resolutions are around the corner and most people start thinking about what they're going to do to improve themselves. Here's a thought, improve yourself by not making resolutions you know you will not keep.

The most popular tends to be "I'm gonna lose weight and get in shape". I love that one. Most start all hyped to do it, going a gym or a few classes and less than may make it a couple of weeks sticking to it. Then it's the "I've been really good I can skip today" followed by "I'm so tired but I'll get back into the routine tomorrow". Next thing you know it's the end of the month and you haven't worked out for 2 weeks at least and completely give up.

My other favorite is "I will get my finances in order and start saving". And that first paycheck you may put away a few extra into savings. The next one even. And then you start coming up with excuses "I need to buy that gift for that event so this paycheck I'll have to skip putting extra into savings" followed by "Gas went up" or "I need to update my cell phone" and the train of excuses for why you can spend but can't save keeps coming.

Here's the deal people, whether it's losing weight or saving money and paying off bills REQUIRES WORK AND COMMITMENT!! It means being willing to give things up. No excuses. You want to lose weight you have to exercise!! You have to stop eating fast food you have to get off your ass no matter how tired you are. Because it does not matter if you work out 20-30 minutes a day as long as you do it at least 5 days a week. Get up! Run! Walk! Do jumping Jacks and sit up! Add little bits by parking further and walking a few blocks to work. Get off the bus a stop earlier. Take the stairs. It does not matter but get up and move! And stick to it. NO EXCUSES! NO EXCEPTIONS! NO REASON TO NOT GET UP AND DO IT!!

The same goes for paying off bills and saving money. It means being willing to go for the minimum, cheapest cell plan. NO YOU DO NOT NEED 3 millions gigs of data because you do NOT need all those apps. Go to Mint Mobile where you get unlimited talk and text for like $15 a month! Need to call long distance? Use Text'Em or Whatsup. Get rid of all your streaming and keep say Netflix only because you can watch Tubi, Pluto, and many other for FREE. Yeah there are commercials but far less than cable and you need to decide what's more important: 10 streaming services which cost a lot of money a month or putting that in your saving and paying off your credit card? STOP EATING OUT! You get $30 once a month to treat yourself to eating out. Period! Make a list and get groceries once a week for ONLY what you actually need for home. No you do not need those shoes those pants that top.

At the end of the day it's on you to decide if you'd rather be over weight, broke, what ever you want to resolve to change or willing to do the work to actually do it. No one loses but you when you would rather complain than actually do the work. So as the year draws to an end and you start thinking about what your resolution will be ask remember that it takes about 30 days to create a habit so if you can stick to doing the work for 30 days it will be a lot easier to do it another and another. And lastly, when you come up with excuses for not saving or not getting up to workout think about what you lose, again, by not keep the commitment you made to yourself.

No get up and GO!

10/25/2024

It has been a very long time since I posted. Life does sometimes require more attention than we feel we have time. It got me thinking that no matter who busy I get the one thing I never give up is my me time. Every week, no exceptions, no excuses, Sundays are for me and me alone. It's vital to my mental and physical health. Everyone needs "me" time.

So take this as a reminder, as the days will get busier with the holidays coming up, that no matter how much you feel you have to do, places to go, people to see....no matter....take that time for you. It may not be a day as I can do but even 30 minutes is important.

NO CELL PHONES. Turn it off. The world will not end if you are unreachable and not on your phone for at least 30 minutes. Go park at the far end of the lot at the mall and just sit back and close your eyes. Go grab a coffee or tea and sit at the park for a bit. Go to Home Depot and sit in the garden center reading a book. It does not matter what you do where as long as you do it alone and as long as your phone is not on. That "me" time is meant to be a tribute to you, your mind, your health, your time. Enjoy it!! And do it every. single. week.

03/16/2021

It's been a while. One thing Covid has revealed is that how we choose to live our lives is more than Carpe Diem.

We’re all gonna die. We don’t get much say over how or when. But we do get to decide how we’re gonna live. So do it. Decide. Is this the life you wanna live? Is this the person you wanna love? Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More compassionate? Decide. Breathe in. Breathe out, and decide.
Richard Webber - ‘Seal Our Fate’
(Season 10, Episode 1)

11/23/2020

Friendships, like life, isn't one big thing. It's a million little things. Consider your friends, the relationship you have with them. Would they be there unjudging and unconditionally if you really needed them? Would they tell you the truth even if they knew it would p**s you off or hurt your feelings or would they tell you what you want to hear and be no help at all?

There are a million little things that make up a good friend and friendship. Trust, respect, are just basics. Think of people in your life, past and present, who have moved you, changed you, challenged you. Take a hard look at the friends you have now and ask yourself....is there a million little things that make what we have great...or a million little things that really show they aren't a friend.

The new year is coming. Resolutions come with it. Maybe it's time to take a look at the people around you and finally have the courage to tell those who have made an impact and eliminate those who are nothing more than excess baggage.

12/24/2019

You are what you hang with.

I heard this in a movie years ago and it stayed with me. There is no denying the truth behind it. It also resonated with advise I received from a friend many, many years ago who told me "surround yourself with people who are the kind of person you want to be". I took it to heart and practice.

And it's not something that only applies to friends. It applies to all relationships in life. Take a look at the people around you. The people with whom you spend time, live, etc. Are they people who, if asked if you respect them, you can answer simply and without hesitation, "Yes." Or is there a but after the yes, said or in you mind?

If there is a but then you don't truly respect them. There aren't 50 shades of respect anymore than there is of trust. It does not matter if they are family, friends, a significant other. If you cannot say yes...well... perhaps it's time to question why you still have them around.

I have said it before and it is worth repeating as we near the end of 2019 and many begin thinking about resolutions for the new year: are the people in your life worth it. History, past situations, relationships, even love are not enough to substantiate or justify keeping people who you do not 100% respect without condition.

So as we near the end of the year and prepare to begin a new chapter perhaps it's time to consider upcoming resolutions to not be about losing weight or bad habits but about losing people who do not reflect the qualities which you admire or expect from yourself and others.

Wishing everyone a wonderful end to 2019 and fabulous new beginnings in 2020!

11/04/2019

I missed October. And while it seems to drag on for longer than necessary it's suddenly November and we are nearing the end of the year.

It is amazing how even when days seem to drag by time flies. It makes me think of being kid and thinking you have all the time in the world to plan out your life, do things, travel, etc.

Next thing you know you've graduated, maybe gone to university, got a degree, found a full-time job, got married, divorced... all those things that seem to take place with little planning. They just seem to happen like inevitable steps on a staircase. And when you look back you can't believe how many steps you have climbed. But did you enjoy the trip?

That's the question, isn't it. All these things take place in our lives without us really thinking about them as more than another step in the staircase of living...but what about the things you wanted to do. The trips you never took...the adventures you wished for, the things you wanted to see? Even if it was a cooking class or finally buying a plant and not drowsing it?

Do you just push those things to a little box in your mind and file it under regrets you didn't have time for? I hope not. I get that we don't all have the money or time to take that trip to backpack Europe for 6 months but who says you can't find the time to make a reservation in a bonafide French restaurant and go for dinner... for a couple of hours pretend you are in France? Maybe you can't commit to a cooking class that lasts weeks but nothing is stopping you from finding one recipe and doing that from scratch.

So take a moment to stop, breathe, and think of the things you wanted to do but haven't. Don't let them be regrets. Before the year is up do at least one thing... even if it's dinner at a restaurant of the country you realistically can't go...but do it. As the great man Ferris Bueller once said “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

09/10/2019

I recently finished watching The Good Place on Netflix. I cannot say I found it exceptionally funny as it lacked original and clever wit most American shows rarely have unlike European comedy. What I can say that it is refreshing to see a show that actually includes intelligent thought in it's discussion of philosophy and ethics; a rather underhanded way of teaching something to otherwise oblivious masses. What proved of major importance was when they finally realize the concept of "unintended consequences"...otherwise considered as the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

It got me thinking about those in society who have no regard for living being on the planet (including other humans), the environment, what they buy, how they litter, don't litter, carpool, etc. versus those of us who are vegetarian, recycle everything, treat animals and humans well and equally because ALL living beings matter, are aware that this is the ONLY planet we have and careless destruction of all around us is ignorant. But, without a doubt, what about the unintended consequences of those actions? Especially what are considered good actions? And what about the fact that not everyone can even be part of good intentions because, well, they just can't afford it?

The tomato discussion on the show provided an excellent perspective of both sides of the coin. You buy the cheap, generic tomato and you're part of pollution, exploitation of labor, abetting the worst in capitalism. You buy the organic tomato and while you're not part of the many bad side effects you are also assisting in potential job loss for the people who would be impacted if the bad tomato companies sell less. In between all this one's ability to choose plays a mitigating role as a person may want to make better choices but the circumstance of their lives may not allow for it. Not everyone can afford to the cost of good choices or intentions. For many the bad tomato is what they can afford. Period.

If you have seen the show you will understand what I'm saying. If you have not then what I say may not make much sense. I am not remotely religious and do not believe in a "good place" or "bad place". I do however, believe that making good choices, caring about the world you live in, and not causing intentional harm to the living beings around you is important. What I took from the show is that it's not a matter of absolutes. If you can afford it buy ethical food. If you can't then do what you can to pay it forward and be good to all around you.

Because life isn't about what happens when you are dead. It really is about how you lived it.

08/14/2019

Insight isn't always there. Some days I find it hard to not shake my head in disappointment and the people I meet. What amazes me...or perhaps it's more accurate to say confounds me... is the many people who claim to believe in religion and think themselves ethical and moral yet who demonstrate an utter disregard, respect, and courtesy for others. So here's my question: are you the kind of person who claims to have manners, show respect to others? If so do you make sure to not blast music or tell your kids it is no acceptable to be screaming outside because your neighbors do not need to hear you in their homes? Do you look after your property and keep it clean so that you show respect to those who live near you? Do you treat public places like bathrooms and parks with the same regard as you would your own home, if not more so, because it's not yours? Do you litter? Do you yammer on your cell phone in public or keep it down so as not to bother those around you? If you do these things then you're not exactly following any manner of respect for others and certainly not doing onto others as you'd have them do unto you. The thing is, it has nothing to do with religion. It has to do with respect for yourself, others, and the planet on which you live. Pay attention to your actions and think past yourself. And remember, manners are not just what you think is ok, it is all about how YOU treat others.

07/16/2019

Yesterday I heard something that struck me by how accurate it was: "In my life being able to say 'I trust you' is more important than being able to say 'I love you'."

It got me thinking about all the people I have come across over the years who "love" someone but don't trust them, not fully. And to me that has always been a problem because you can't trust someone in levels anymore than you can "sort of" respect them.

I want you to think about this. About people in your life that you say you love and if you can also say you trust them implicitly. Because you can care about someone a great deal, that comes with time and circumstance. But if you do not trust them implicitly then, well, the reality is you may not actually love them.

Just as it's important to evaluate you belonging, lifestyle, what you eat, friends, etc. and work on making things better in your life, it's also important to evaluate those you claim you love... because if you don't trust them, why do you keep them in your life? Pay attention to what your reasons are as they may not be valid justifications but mere excuses you tell yourself rather than break free.

Loving someone is not necessary good for you.

06/04/2019

I'm the last person who will ever say anything should be done because "it's the right thing to do". I have always found that to be an oppressive notion founded on, more often than not, dishonesty to oneself. It forces people to say yes to things, events, favors, etc they do not want to be involved in merely out of obligatory guilt.

When I do something for someone and they tell me "Oh you didn't have to do that!", my reply is always the same "I don't do things because I have to; I do them because I want to."

Having said that, this month I encourage everyone to take a baby-step stand and if you are asked to do, say, give, whatever you do not want to engage in: say No. There is NOTHING wrong with saying no. Ever. It doesn't matter if it's your mother, sister, significant other, best friend. They may be upset, they may not expect it. and they may not like it and try to guilt you into it with the good ol' "but I did such and such for you". Don't back down. Remind that person that there is this lovely thing called free will and that no one forced them to do what they did. It's called choice. We all have them. So take a chance and choose you. And... to balance the scales, later do something nice. When they ask why you did that but not when they asked you can confidently tell them "because sometimes you have to do things because YOU want to, not because you're expected to" :)

05/02/2019

Sometimes my own frustrations leave me at a loss for something insightful to share. In those moments I recall hearing "this too shall pass" and it reminds me that much around us causes strife, frustration, and can make us feel despondent but as with everything, good or bad, it's important to not just realize but remember that all things do pass and when out of your control, letting these moments, things, etc. rule is pointless. If it does not further, you have to work at learning to put it aside and let it go because, like a cold, it will pass.

03/22/2019

Recently I discovered Perfect Strangers on Hulu. It's an old show that ran from 1986-1993 about the escapades and shenanigans of Larry and Balki. A show that is actually genuaine in its humor and even today still makes me laugh.

The reason I mention it is because it has a truly wonderful theme. I'd forgotten about it until I started watching again but I have to mention it because if ever there was a song that can inspire and motivate, this is one of those. Check out the show, even if it's just for the song, and maybe it'll give you a little inspiration too!

Sometimes the world looks perfect,
Nothing to rearrange.
Sometimes you just get a feeling
Like you need some kind of change.
No matter what the odds are this time,
Nothing's going to stand in my way.
This flame in my heart,
Like a long lost friend
Gives every dark street a light at the end.

Standing tall, on the wings of my dream.
Rise and fall, on the wings of my dream.

The rain and thunder
The wind and haze
I'm bound for better days.
It's my life and my dream,
Nothing's going to stop me now.
(Nothing's going to stop me)
It's my life and my dream,
Nothing's going to stop me now.

Nothing's going to stop me now.

https://www.lyricsondemand.com/tvthemes/perfectstrangerslyrics.html

Perfect Strangers Theme Song Lyrics at Lyrics On Demand

03/14/2019

Most people think secrets will be buried with you at death. The reality is more often than not secrets are what will bury you in life. The simple truth is that while life is filled with shades of grey and we live in a world of half-truths and white lies, there are secrets we keep from others with the intention to save face or prevent someone from what we think is unnecessary pain. Unfortunately, the burden of living like this can take a toll on us and in the end helps no one. Next time you're faced with a secret or lie consider that if you are a good friend/family member, and truly care about someone keeping things from them, whether it gets you in trouble or hurts them, is better than living in lies.

02/05/2019

I had a few setbacks this last week. Yes I was angry; it's hard to not feel anger when things seem to go wrong but there is no reason for the negative situations. It's much easier when something bad happens and we can blame it on something/someone else But when it's unblamable it's worse.

I admit it, I was muttering to myself, frustrated, feeling progressively more angry. I just happened to see myself in the mirror and realized how pointless it was. I know better, no matter how angry it makes me when bad things happen, it is utterly pointless to fester in anything that you cannot control. But looking at my own reflection it reminded me that it's easy to fall into the stress trap and actually make your own anxiety and frustration worse than it can be.

It is a very difficult ability to be objective all the time. It's human nature to have something bad happen and not have us gnawing at the bit. But it's not impossible and just takes conscious work. Next time you find yourself angry, annoyed, frustrated, sad, etc. go to a mirror and ask yourself "can I do anything to change the situation?" If the answer is no then remind yourself that while hard, strength comes from having the courage to let things happen. Give yourself a few minutes to feel those emotions, write things down if this works for you, and then look at yourself again and say "Enough" and walk away. Yes, it'll still be there just beneath the surface. But like a cut or a bug bite, it only has power over you if you feed it.

Remember if you can't control it, don't let it control you!

01/02/2019

It's a new year and many start making resolutions and promises which, sadly are rarely followed through or kept.

This year resolve to not make resolutions. Instead every day do something kind for someone else. Be it holding the door open, smiling at someone you don't know and wish them a good day, or even, once in a while, cover someone's 3-5 items of groceries at the store if they look like they could use it or pay for the person's coffee behind you.

If you want to really make an impact with generosity go to the Dollar Tree and buy soap, hair elastics, toothbrushes, gloves, scarves, combs, brushes, etc and take them to the shelter. Or buy surgical gloves, kitty litter, generic dog/cat food, go through all your old towels and sheets, and take those things to the local animal shelter.

Every day is a chance to make a small resolution to do better, be better, and keep it. Take that chance and even the smallest thing will prove a worthwhile success.

Happy 2019!!

11/12/2018

If we could control every aspect of every thing and every one our lives would be clean and simple. However, they would also be without surprise, challenges, adventure. They would be exceptionally uneventful. As even the bad moments, the sad times, and the chaos we encounter have a hand in who we are, our reactions, resilience, and ability to overcome and grow. Life would be easy if everything was a clean and clear black and white. But it is for certain those dirty shades of gray that make life a grand event we LIVE and EXPERIENCE - good and bad.

09/12/2018

There are many routes to a destination. It's important to remember that the most direct is not necessarily the best.