10/07/2023
This is solid advice for any relationship. Anyone who’s consistently trying harder than their “partner” in whatever context, is typically in an unhealthy, dangerous, and at the very least, unproductive space.
When it comes to working with clients, I always tell students, shadows, interns, and my team: to meet them where they are. It’s the best way to ensure you avoid the ugly stuff listed above, not to mention the otherwise inevitable training burnout, and resentment of clients that is so rampant in the dog training world.
Contrary to popular belief, and typical client/trainer behavior, we’re not here to pressure, cajole, or plead. The desire for success has to come from inside you, the client.
It’s your job to be motivated, excited, driven, curious, committed, and ready to work...hard. It’s our job to meet you wherever you are at, and give you the very best we have to offer. But you, the client decide what that looks like.
Now that might sound harsh, or uncaring, but it’s the furthest from it. We care, like most trainers, a lot. But if not carefully and (healthily) directed, that depth of care can easily become resentment and burnout when it’s not reciprocated properly (healthily). So in order to ensure we’re always ready to give the very best of ourselves, we make sure we only share that best of ourselves when our clients share the best of themselves.
It’s not only self-protection for us, it’s also protection for you, the client. I’m sure you don’t want the bitter, angry, phoning-it-in dog trainer. And the best way to prevent that, is by us being strong with boundaries.
So think of training as a choose-your-own-adventure. Or an Indian restaurant where they ask you how spicy you want your tikka masala. The depth and flavor of the experience you receive is on you. If you want more, bring more, ask for more.
You determine the depth of help you receive by the depth of commitment and desire you bring to the table.
Reciprocal behavior in relationships are the hallmark of healthy relationships. Unfortunately, this hallmark is often missed. Laziness, want rather than need, competing priorities, delusion, and selfishness often derail the possibilities.
That all said, if you come with guns a’blazing, we’ll be ready. The clients that want the best, and give the best, are the ones who always seem to get the best.
Isn’t that a fascinating thing? 🙂
PS, and trust me, if you’re worried that your enthusiasm, curiosity, and insatiable desire for improvement will be “too much”, I promise your trainer will be thrilled with the intense interest and drive—because it’s precisely where they (your trainer) are coming from.
PPS, and if your trainer isn’t deeply excited by your enthusiasm, curiosity, and insatiable desire, you just found out that you’re either contemplating or are in an unhealthy relationship—and it’s time to leave.