12/29/2024
āUnconditional love does not mean unconditional tolerance of bad behavior.ā - Mel Robbins
This is a topic thatās been floating around in my head for a while and I couldnāt put the words together to make a post about it, but while listening to Melās podcast episode with her husband of 30 years, and hearing them talk about what it takes to make relationships work, I think she put it perfectly.
Somewhere along the journey of dogs and humans evolving together, a subset of people decided that dogs should be given whatever they want and behave however they want without consequence. And Iām not talking about the āpurely positiveā or āforce freeā training movement, because thatās a separate complex topic on its own. Iām talking about the owners who seem to think that their dogs can do no wrong, meanwhile that dog is biting the groomer, stealing food off the counter, refusing to eat kibble if it doesnāt have 15 different toppers, and pooping in the house because itās drizzling outside. These dogs are never challenged for being a problem and therefore continue to be a problem. But the owners let it happen because they claim they love their dog, and that dog is ājust a baby.ā However, if someone allowed their child to act in the same way and get off easy, people would call that bad parenting and setting your kid up to fail.
Love does not mean blind tolerance.
Love does not mean lack of boundaries.
Love does not mean letting someone continue to be a worse version of themselves, especially when you have the power to influence them.
You put your kid in sports so they learn discipline and to push through failure. You make them do their homework so they can get a good education. You give them consequences for hitting their siblings or yelling at a teacher. Because you love them, and want them to be better. Even if theyāre āsufferingā in the moment, you know it will benefit them in the long run.
Have you ever seen those police body cam videos of people who get pulled over for speeding and end up getting arrested because they didnāt follow the copās instructions? Most of the comments under those videos are people saying āthis is what happens when kids never get told no. Shame on whoever raised them.ā But then we turn around and see a dog bite a kid and say āthat poor baby, he didnāt mean it. Clearly he wasnāt loved enough.ā When and why did we decided that dogs are so fragile and delicate?
To love someone is to challenge them. To love someone is to hold them accountable and set boundaries because you know it will benefit everyone involved.
If you canāt bear the thought of telling your dog no or picking up their full bowl of food because they refused to eat it, because theyāve learned youāll just give them something better if they wait, youāre doing it to make yourself feel better, not to benefit them. And thatās not love, thatās an unhealthy relationship, and youāre both suffering for it.
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