11/25/2025
My Saige Grace, 12/15/2011-7/19/2025
I often wonder what her memory looks like through their eyes. Her beautiful boys. We buried her here on Saige’s Farm, she’s home.
A month before Saige left, I remember telling my best friend that I’m going to have to rewire how my brain navigates the world after she leaves me. My prediction was more than spot on. Losing her shook my nervous system. Without her I’ve felt disoriented and frozen. She regulated me in ways I didn’t even realize.
I moved states so many times over the 13.5 years of life with her that I never built deep human connections. I was truly grounded by her. My system has been trying to adapt without its anchor. I always said that she is “God like” to me. Like having God right by my side. The most wise and aware living being that I know of.
I’ve spent a lot of time pouring myself into work on my property, training dogs, keeping my head down. I intensely distracted myself through friends and stimulation only to realize it was a bit too much. A temporary bypass to the freeze, borrowed energy. I really am okay, more okay than I could’ve predicted. I am just dull feeling and not posting on here has made some guilt creep in.
I’m focusing hard on navigating this new life the best I can, aware that a new version of me is being created. I do fear forming the wrong habits, but I’m being as intentional as I can. I’ve learned so much through this process. My spark, my creativity will come back through everything she gave me slowly but surely.
Thank you for your support, always, it means so much to me. See y’all soon. It’s time to get back to this social media thang. After all, Saige might get pi**ed if I leave her page inactive.