09/29/2023
The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.
-Mark Twain
This is a subject that I have wanted to touch on for a while, and began writing about many times, only to find myself paralyzed with grief, and fear. The tragedy of a good dog is that inevitably, we will have to say goodbye, and the tragedy of a great dog is that we will have to carry on for years beyond that goodbye without them. That reality can cripple even the strongest of people, and that leads to the question of how, and when, do we see our friends off with dignity when we are a species built to protect ourselves from pain?
I wish there was an easy answer to this, but I know after years of working with dogs, the right answer isn't the easy one. As I watch my heart dog slip into the sunset of her life, I'd be lying if I said I'm ready to see her finish her journey here and go to the Bridge. I want her to live forever. I'll never be ready, but I know the day is approaching that will see my readiness tossed aside and have me confront that reality head on.
That leaves the questions: how and when? How is more concrete, because my family and I have strict rules regarding the how. We grieve after they're gone, and no matter how badly we are dying inside, we do our crying away from them until they are gone. I have a strong conviction that dogs understand grief, and so my goal is to never let my dogs think I need them when they are tired of fighting. This leads to an endless number of shower crying sessions, and sitting in my car crying alone as I prepare to say goodbye. Grief isn't pretty, but it is part of life.
The harder question to answer is when, and that's because 'when' is different for every dog. If we continue training and exercise, keeping mind and body sharp, we hope to see many years with our best friends, but sometimes genetics and sheer bad luck have other timelines. For our family 'when' boils down to when there are more bad days than good, when there's little quality of life, and when our friend shows us they are tired of fighting.
And when that 'when' comes, the one thing we remember in our family is our dog would be there to see us off, no matter how bad it hurt them, so we celebrate them and see them off to the Bridge with a Hershey's Kiss and all our love, then we grieve losing them for the rest of our lives.
That is the tragedy of love.