02/09/2024
How would your horsemanship look if you knew you had limited time left, less than you thought?
We have been here before. About 5 years ago, Sani got misdiagnosed with something awful. For one year, I thought we could have months, weeks, or days left. It was at that time that EH coalesced into what it is today.
Thankfully, it was a misdiagnosis and we disproved it. And despite managing a digestive/immune disorder, Sani has been happy, healthy and thriving these last years.
About 8 weeks ago, I noticed a new, barely imperceptible brace in the right rein in our riding. It was new because he has very few braces these days. I took note of it, unanswered. And explored it in groundwork.
About 6 weeks ago, Sani was just a touch slimmer than usual. I saw this as an improvement, but also confusing. I had not changed anything, and he usually is a little bit on the heavier side of normal. For him to suddenly be at a normal body weight, to suddenly loose the fat across his ribs, was unusual. I actually upped his feed. Rugged him during weather I usually never had to rug him.
Within 4 weeks, I noticed he lost a modicum of abduction on his right fore. Despite that being one of his typical strengths, forelimb abduction.
About 2.5 weeks ago, I noticed a lump under his right jaw. Within 10 days, it had grown.
We had it removed with our vet, and sent for an analysis.
We have salivary gland carcinoma. Confirmed. No misdiagnosis on this one.
Prognosis is reserved. Salivary gland carcinomas are usually malignant. But on his analysis there was a lower than usual concentration of cancerous cells compared to cancer of this type that is usually presented. Is that due to my early detection? My sensitivity to his needs and changes illuminated the problem like princess and the pea? I do not know.
My vet is doing some research on what can be done. I rarely ask for help.
But please help me. Help Sani. If you know of experts, or friends, or yourself who dealt specifically with salivary gland carcinoma, please run do not walk to my email [email protected].
I would like to exhaust all options at our disposal.
So I am circling back to a genesis story; how would your horsemanship look if you knew you had limited time, and every moment was important. Every moment should represent not only the integrity of your techniques, but also the heart you put behind it. This is what forged Sani and I together as an inseparable team, the horse that changed my life.
I have learned the following
- You are less likely to want to use force. And anything obtained by it feels inappropriate, a waste of time. So if it cannot be discovered together with your horse, without force, then it is not worth it. The ends are not worth those means.
- You are immensely grateful. Regardless what the horse does for you.
- You are careful, patient, considerate and never demanding to your horse.
- You become aware that the relationship you share with them is the be all and end all. And their physical performance is your cup running over with joy. Not the thing you are entitled to.
- Entitlement to the horses performance becomes this vague, bizarre memory of a side quest that was a entire waste of your time and missing the point entirely.
- You go deep with your horse in communication
- You discover a lot of joy in this place
That is what how horsemanship, perhaps, should and could always be.
Don't wait for a reason to force your hand to find it.