11/11/2024
I did not write this but I do agree. Itās not that you shouldnāt or canāt pet/pat. But itās to wait for them to ask or indicate they are ready. Instead of assuming they are. I have been trying to be more a-tune to when to offer this.
āIt is a human thing, this need to touch and be touched.
So many times, I will watch someone whose horse has done exactly as theyād wished and immediately, they take the relax and let down response of the horse and turn it into something else. Another thing to be borne.
Rather than rest and soak in the beautiful feeling of accomplishment, weāll ruin everything that came before with a pat or a sudden forehead rub.
I know that I share this observation with the risk of ruffling feathers. Yes, your horse loves you. Yes, your horse will stand to be petted for hours. Yes, heāll leave his friends and even his feed, to come and stand with you. Yes, you have built up a wonderful relationship based on love and sensitivity. Yes.
But wait. If your horse could talkāand trust me, when Iām watching his subtle but telling responses, he isāhe would thank you for noticing this heroic effort he has made. He would love that you stopped and gave the long rein, or let his lead rope hang free. He would appreciate that you stopped chattering and just stood there, breathing deeply, melting into one anotherās space.
He would be grateful that you behaved like another horse.
He would hear you when you silently were still and formed the thought of contentment. He would shake his forelock out of his eyes, in relief, when you suddenly got itā¦ that this thing you do with your hands is to please yourself, rather than to gratify him.
Hey, Iām not against stroking my horseās neck, or breathing deeply into his soft nose. Iām not saying that I never straighten a forelock, or gently clean out a horseās windblown eyes, or that I donāt give a heartfelt hug. I am not against all shows of affection!
Iāve spent a lifetime observing horses and their people, however. I have seen much. Our need to touch, to pat, to caress, to reassure is as often a reflex action, done without mindfulness or empathy, as it is to show our appreciation. Many times, our loving hands have all the softness of a habit, a craving unmet, or a nervous tic.
Iāll go ahead and say it.
So often, when we pat our horses, or rub their foreheads, weāre doing this to please ourselves. Those little pats can be a selfish act, uncaring of the needs of others. Itās one more ask for which they must stand still. For when we stop and really watch, weāll see that if we sit quietly and with nothing but love in our hearts, they will yawn and rub their noses against their knees. They will feel free to self-soothe, to let down their guard and to wholly relax.
I have seen that the horses who really crave the hands-on, will stand straight on to us with their heads at our stomachs. They will stand close beside us, so that we might reach that one nagging itch. They will not be mouthing at us, or looking away when we reach for them, or standing as unmoving/unblinking/unbreathing as a stone.
It is telling that when we are praising our horses, so often they try to move awayā¦
I have written of this before. I have learned that people will get angry about my drawing attention to such a small thing. They scoff and defend themselves, they will mock this idea and call me names. So be it; I am ready.
Welcoming oneās touch is very different from enduring it and recognizing the difference is a subtle thing deserving of our contemplation, particularly as women. We, of all people, should understand. We claim that we want relationship. This is a two-way street, my friends. Being in a healthy pairing means that oneās needs do not automatically trump anotherās.
No, our pettingāand even, our constant chatteringāis seldom about them. Learning to stand with our hands in our pockets is a self-discipline that isKeystone Equinen.
That said, what a beautifully soft and private moment this is, between Henry and Cait. I think it is telling that it is he who is stretching his head out, to reach her hand.ā ā Keystone Equine