06/05/2025
So often people reach out to me looking for training help and preface things by saying my dog needs to do_____, or I got this dog so I can do______ with him, and he has to be able to _____.... Unfortunately this is so often when expectation collides with reality.
Dogs, like people, are individuals. Some are bold and outgoing, others fearful and shy. Some are resilient and can take knowing when they're wrong, while others don't ever want to be wrong and then suffer with insecurity. Even if you have chosen a breed to match what you expect them to do, that is not a guarantee that the dog you have chosen will be capable of that task. Training can only go so far, as training should mold and enhance a dog's natural qualities and not force a round peg into a square hole.
While we are a powerful species and can force an animal to do whatever we wish, it is to the severe detriment of your relationship you have with your dog to force them to do something they don't want to do or are not suited for. You have a choice - do you want a loving and trusting relationship with a dog who is eager to please and happy to work with you, or a dog who has been cowed and forced into the work you have chosen for it? I think most of us have made the mistake at one point or another having expectations that have been unsuitable for the dog we ended up with. It can be a tough pill to swallow when something you hoped for becomes unattainable.
If you can accept your dog for who they are, be understanding, and love them despite their foibles and despite the fact that they may not fit the mold the you had intended for them, that means the love of the dog is greater than the love of the expectation for that dog. That is also where the relationship between you both will really shine. The failure to meet expectations also does not mean an end to what you do with your dog, as often while you bumble together through life you may both stumble upon something that is even more enriching and enjoyable for both of you. So often as we get to know our dogs and begin to love them, it becomes clear what they do want to do and what they are best suited for. Helping them enjoy what they love the most even if it is not what you originally expected maybe the most rewarding thing you can do. After all, love is bringing the best out of your partner, not forcing them to do what you want.
So, next time instead of deciding what your dog should do, ask them what they want to do! I think you'll both be so much happier 🐾
