05/29/2025
What does it take to get along with a horse?
I know a lot of horse people who are exceptional riders, or good at getting horses to DO something - even spectacular things that require a lot of talent and education.
But what does it take to get ALONG with a horse?
Our experience with horses is very reflective of our inner being. Many of us seek horses for comfort in a tumultous world, or control where we lack it, maybe developing them to fill a desire to BECOME something. Most of us probably are unaware of just how much we are using them to fill emotional voids and therefore finding (or not noticing) our relationships with them incomplete, devoid of deeper meaning. We can maybe get horses to like us cheaply - they like coming to feed but don't stick with us when the going gets hard. Or we can make them do stuff if there is a level of threat, but not without. We struggle to find that middle ground.
To truly GET ALONG with horses is not to be permissive or dominating. That conversation misses the boat entirely - it's far, far deeper than that.
--It means having the ability to look conflict in the face without wanting to cover it up, run, blame someone else, make a big fuss, comfort ourself, and so on. To get along with horses, there will be times of conflict between us - and if this is uncomfortable, we will struggle to guide the horse or really hear what is needed. We don't need to seek conflict - there is no need to be contentious, but there will be times this comes up, and we need to be able to stay emotionally stable to deal with it.
--It means the ability to hear no without falling apart, one way or another. Some people take no as a personal affront - either becoming angry at the insult, or feeling like they've failed. A reason for self pity. And others take a no as a reason to lose all backbone, to melt into a passive and wishy wet blanket that inevitably becomes an obstacle to the horse and not a support. No wonder horses continue to evade, bite, and say no to this person - this person is, in fact, in the way.
--It means the ability to maintain self discipline and focus without drilling the horse - to push oneself to ride better, focus more, continue honing their skill, without making it the horse's problem. Someone who is hard on themselves without punishing themselves - someone who can separate what is rider error from causing the horse to suffer for it, drilling over and over until they get it right.
To get along with horses requires self reflection - a steely dedication to looking at ourselves honestly without self deprication or blame, without using fluffy and popular language that sounds ethical (but is actually meaningless) to let ourselves off the hook from actually growing.
It is quite difficult, in fact, to get along with horses - it's quite easy to sit next to them, to let them be in our space, to get them to tolerate us or look forward to the perks we bring (but not us), and probably even easier to dominate them. But it is no easy feat to be in the presence of a horse and make them feel better with our presence than without. And if you look around at the struggle we have at getting along with each other, and liking ourselves - it's easy to see why getting along with a being who reflects all this back to us, could be so hard for us to learn to earn PEACE with, not just share space without structure or action.
