11/05/2025
I generally try to sleep in to around 5 am on Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes I have ranch calls on Saturday and have to get up earlier and sometimes I am just to uncomfortable to stay in bed but I do try to get a few extra hours of sleep on the weekends. That being said, it is not the recommended sleep schedule according to the experts that say go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time every morning. I just don’t think those doctors actually get up at 2:30 in the morning during the weekdays. Who wants to be up at 2:30 in the morning if you don’t actually have stuff you need to do?
The weather is slowly cooling down and most mornings it is in the low 40’s and gets up to the low to mid 80’s during the afternoon. It is not a bad time of year although unlike most people around here, it is not my favorite time of year. I love the warm and the hot and spring time is definitely my favorite time of year when it goes from being cold to warm! This kind of weather calls for a sweater in the morning and short to no sleeves in the afternoon so layered dressing is a must, at least for me.
We have had a barn full of sick horses and this past weekend Emma left to go back to Tucson on Saturday so I had to doctor the horses Sunday morning before church. I got up at 5 and did my morning routine and headed out the door a bit after 6 so that I could feed the chickens and take care of the horses in the barn before church. My chosen dress had no sleeves and the heels I had picked to go with it were really high and so I put on a zip up sweatshirt and some flip flops and headed out the door with heels in hand.
I walked over and fed the chickens first and then over to the barn to check on and care for the horses. As I was mixing the sulfa tabs and looked down at my sweatshirt over my dress and my big ol feet in my flip flops I thought about how different I looked right then to what I was going to look in about 30 minutes when I finished everything and stopped by Safeway to buy the cookies. As I went about doctoring the horses I pondered upon how much of what we put off to the world is not truth, we show the world the part of us that we want them to see and who we truly are is often hidden out of sight and out of judgment.
As a kid we were not allowed to leave our house to go out into public in sweats or dressed sloppily. We didn’t get to wear sweats to school or have holes in your clothes. You dressed presentable because you wanted people to respect you and you needed to be able to respect yourself. Our home clothes were often dirty and tattered and in my case covered in cow poop but we chose our better clothes for public.
The manipulation of how you want people to see you starts very early! We women start wearing makeup to hide or change our facial appearance. There are entire companies built around shapewear that holds in your extra fluff and makes you look more put together and sleek. We alter our hair and we wear jewelry and fancy clothes all to change how we actually look into what we want people to see and hope that they will have a certain thought about us. It is truly saddening if one starts to think about it. Why is it that we train our children so young that who they are, what they are naturally is not enough?
Social media has made all of this exponentially worse. We see people’s filtered images and highlight moments and we think that they have everything we do not when all they really have is a better imagination and a deeper sense of insecurity that they are trying to hide with photos that reveal too much skin and well done makeup all topped off with a filter that makes it all smooth. It is even worse now with AI because everything can be made perfect and yet not one of us is perfect!
As I sit back and think about all that I am and all that I wanted to be, I am glad for what God gave me. Sure I have hated it at times in my life. I have struggled with all the same insecurities over weight and flawed skin and bad hair but now, now in this last half of life I have realized that learning to be ok with not being ok, it is the greatest gift that one can give themselves short of accepting Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. It takes some work to try and be healthy but we are who God created us to be and we have the body that He chose for us and learning to love who we are and how we look, it is so freeing.
In a world full of fake, find a way to be real to who you are. You are beautifully perfect just as you are because that is who God created you to be! The makeup and the clothes and the fancy shoes and perfect hair, they are not who you are or what makes you special. You, the person inside the skin, the mind that worries about what others are thinking, that is beautiful and perfect and amazing. Start to love yourself and while I do think it is important to dress properly, how you dress means nothing if you haven’t done the work to care for and make your inside person beautiful and learn to love that person because that person actually shines forth greater and stronger than you realize.