Vander Paws Girls

Vander Paws Girls The Vander Paws Girls, Essex (Queen Boo Boo), Aura, and Pepper (Rescue Royal).

Subjects: Ok. I am done with her. Yesterday she made me get a haircut. Fine. I sorta like Miss Rachel and I should be my...
04/10/2024

Subjects:

Ok. I am done with her. Yesterday she made me get a haircut. Fine. I sorta like Miss Rachel and I should be my most beautiful self.

TODAY. TODAY THOUGH. She dragged me out of the house before her work and STRAIGHT to da hooman with fancy papers on his wall purporting to be a doggo doctor. She tells him my tooth is bad. She says it is broken and I will not even eat hard bacons. She says I have lost weight and she is worried because I have always been finicky about food but I would NEVER reject bacons. WELL MAYBE I AM WATCHING MY FIGURE LIKE YOU. (I am not. It really hurts.)

He says, “oh no—the tooth is broken and dead. It looks painful. You are right. She needs it out and I think she needs some pain medicine.” She never needs someone to tell her she is right. Never. Makes her feel too smart. And frankly, I am not in favor of being knocked out and having something yanked from my mouth. He says they are gonna clean my teeth at da same time. If I gotta do it, I am gonna sell my ROYAL tooth as I bet I will make bacons monies. Da blonde singer could probably sell a tooth 🦷 for very much.

Anyway, I guess I’ll admit it hurts pretty badly. I got some medicine to help me with it until I have mouth surgery in one week. I took some pictures when we got to da car at da vet and when we arrived home where I reminded her she is NO genius. Anyone could tell I wasn’t well when I stopped chomping hard bacons. I would never do dat unless I went cuckoo bananas or had a serious problem. She BETTER have counted da ones I rejected to repay me when I am all better.

Peez cross your paws my surgery goes well and da medicine helps until den. You all remind me how brilliant and beautiful I am when you shower me with all da compliments I deserve.

Queen Boo Boo 👑(soft)🥓🦋🐶

Hi, friends! Dis is Aura. I am performing a bear inventory today. As you know, I am presently infested by a chronic nuis...
03/26/2024

Hi, friends!

Dis is Aura. I am performing a bear inventory today. As you know, I am presently infested by a chronic nuisance bear murderer dey call Pepper. I must get a count on how many she has killed so dey may be replaced promptly. I mean, you would not believe dis. She DISMEMBERS dem like a true crime documentary. What is wrong with her? I do not treat my bears like dis. I am respectful because dey provide service to me.

So far, I am finding MANY missing, presumed dead.

Princess Aura 👑🐻🦋🐶

You cannot keep Pepper Da Rescue Royal, now named Houdini, in anymore. We closed her gate and put her toybox in front of...
03/17/2024

You cannot keep Pepper Da Rescue Royal, now named Houdini, in anymore. We closed her gate and put her toybox in front of it (she still had MANY toys in her room). Not only did she pull the toybox through the gate, she managed to OPEN it and they both escaped AGAIN—she has gotten them out every day this week.

I think Queen Boo Boo now loves her for the shenanigans.

(We were only gone for three hours.)

Shaking our heads,

Vander Paws Parents

Subjects:It is me, your queen. Dis is an important update. Many of you know I have a severe urinary tract infection and ...
03/12/2024

Subjects:

It is me, your queen. Dis is an important update. Many of you know I have a severe urinary tract infection and began a course of antibiotics last week after being TORTURED getting samples for culture.

WELL, guess what. I spent all day yesterday puking on all da beds and da couch. I think dis is funny because Da Faulty Servant had to do laundry while she worked on a LOT of homework BUT also my tummy hurt. Da vet said today dat since I’m already on probiotics and taking it with food, I probably have an allergy to it.

So, now I gotta start ALL OVER with new medicine for TEN MORE DAYS and den dey will TORTURE me again with da p*e test. I am QUITE upset about dis.

Here is me on a better day. Peez cross your paws and fingers dis works better as I do not feel so very good.

Queen Boo Boo 👑🥓🦋🐶

Hi, friends! Pepper Da Rescue Royal here. My mama has been working SO hard on her papers all weekend but they’re so big ...
03/11/2024

Hi, friends!

Pepper Da Rescue Royal here. My mama has been working SO hard on her papers all weekend but they’re so big she had to take a day off to finish them (partially because one of dem is a group project). Dey are due tonight and it sounds like dey will be done before long.

I love dis because even though she is working, I get extra time with her because I can sit with her and watch her typing away like a cuckoo bananas person. BUT, she says she has learned how to better communicate for our online friends and will soon help QBB take over da world from her strategic planning class (da class she does not like).

Deez papers are so long she has already written 36 pages since Friday. No wonder she is home. Anyway, I thought I looked pretty here and you can see my ears better so I hope you like dem. I hope she takes a sleepy sleep with us when she is done.

Pepper Da Rescue Royal 🔪🐻👑🦋🐶

Subjects:I am annoyed. Da vet just called and she said I have a bad UTI. I am QUITE displeased by dis—especially because...
03/06/2024

Subjects:

I am annoyed. Da vet just called and she said I have a bad UTI. I am QUITE displeased by dis—especially because she says I gotta go back tomorrow to get my p*e STOLEN again…I did not like dat. It hurt. She said it looked severe though and I need extra tests so my medicine is right.

I’m hoping you all keep me in your thoughts as I deserve perfect health as your queen. Also pray for da vet as I may torment her.

Queen Boo Boo 👑🥓🦋🐶

Dis is me typing a reminder for you all to switch your QBB calendars to March. March is back to my face so you don’t hav...
03/01/2024

Dis is me typing a reminder for you all to switch your QBB calendars to March. March is back to my face so you don’t have to keep looking at da stinky street dog from February. I promise you get me until July now.

But I still think I’m SO benevolent for allowing her to share.

Enjoy a giggle when you turn da page. -Queen Boo Boo 👑🥓🦋🐶

Hello Subjects:It is another Monday in da world of Da Vander Paws Royals and I am here to report I have received a fanta...
02/26/2024

Hello Subjects:

It is another Monday in da world of Da Vander Paws Royals and I am here to report I have received a fantastic gift....well, I have received what deserves to be worn by my cuckoo bananas, somewhat less den perfect faulty servant.

You see, she loves to have things on her, I'm not even sure why dey are not called claws because she does not even keep dem trimmed like mine. One time she poked me under my leg with dem and I yelped. Dis got me some bacons. I bet I could fake dat. I have to get mine trimmed. SHE SHOULD HAVE TO AS WELL. Anyway...

Skye Campbell introduced us to her AMAZING daughter, Regina, who made her nails with our faces on dem and more importantly BACONS. You see, I know what needs to be immortalized and what needs to be immortalized is QBB & Bacons. We are a true match made in heaven and manicures should be only da best, not stupid purple glitter. Also, even though I do not want to wear a crown because my beauty oozes royalty, I know it is a symbol of how truly royal I am, so only makes sense for her to show off how regal and royal we all are.

I suppose even Pepper and Aura may appear on deez. Dey are part pappy, after all, which means dey are approximately one-half as beautiful as me. (See? I am generous.) We are so excited to have such a generous and gorgeous gift.

Queen Boo Boo
PS: We will show you her claws when she applies dem but we were too excited to brag about how gorgeous we are, even in lacquer.

Daddy got to go to New Orleans dis week and Mama asked for beads and beignets. She got both, to which I say, “LAISSEZ LE...
02/18/2024

Daddy got to go to New Orleans dis week and Mama asked for beads and beignets. She got both, to which I say, “LAISSEZ LES BON TEMPS ROULER!”

(We are all French here, right?)

Rescue Royal Pepper 🔪🐻👑🦋🐶

Hello Subjects:I have decided to grant my hoomans a reprieve from my dungeon today as I was taken on a lovely walk throu...
02/18/2024

Hello Subjects:

I have decided to grant my hoomans a reprieve from my dungeon today as I was taken on a lovely walk through da woods today. I went through da woods for some time (although dey did make me wear a stupid sweater).

Dis walkie walk was almost three whole miles. My faulty servant held my leash which meant I could sniff more stuff and stop to mark my territory. Superior Parent is not so superior about dis.

Anyway, after dat, it was my normal declaration of Sunday rest. Get to it. Rest.

Here are example because hooman brains may not not get it.

Queen Boo Boo 👑🥓🦋🐶

No need to ask. I am sure you all chose me to be your Valentine. All you gotta do is send bacons.Queen Boo Boo 👑🥓🦋🐶
02/14/2024

No need to ask. I am sure you all chose me to be your Valentine.

All you gotta do is send bacons.

Queen Boo Boo 👑🥓🦋🐶

Subjects:I am sure you saw Aura bragging about how beautiful she allegedly is after her groomer trip yesterday. WELL, to...
02/13/2024

Subjects:

I am sure you saw Aura bragging about how beautiful she allegedly is after her groomer trip yesterday. WELL, today I went to da groomer and her delusions of grandeur must come to an end as I am clearly da most beautiful doggo who has ever lived.

Afterwards, I began my new job managing a retirement home and EVERY resident commented how beautiful and soft I am. As dey say on crime shows, “case closed.” I am obviously superior in all ways.

I don’t know why Da Faulty Servant is always so tired. All you gotta do is sit here and look beaut—OH, it’s because being beautiful for her does not come so naturally. She must be exhausted from even having to TRY to put on such an act. I would have empathy but I can’t even imagine lacking natural beauty.

Anyway, I’m pretty. The end.

Queen Boo Boo 👑🥓🦋🐶

Hi, friends! Dis is Aura. I think my sissies have had much spotlight, meanwhile, I am working VERY hard in graduate scho...
02/09/2024

Hi, friends!

Dis is Aura. I think my sissies have had much spotlight, meanwhile, I am working VERY hard in graduate school. So, I am gonna tell you a secret.

My mama (who is my best friend) loves deez stuffed animals. Dey are called Squishmallows and have a special filling dat makes dem extra soft. She uses dem to help relax when she is doing schoolwork or is just stressed but we also will snuggle dem together. Her collection is getting larger each day, I think. She even has smaller ones. She wants one with a graduation hat but she does not think Daddy will be too pleased if she buys it but she says it will be motivating for school. (She has a degree in Political Science so she says she had to have the Eagle one.)

QBB said we had to tell you since her achoolwork takes so much time. I don’t mind so much since I am with her through all of it. Next week, we have our first big exam and the program will flag interaction as cheating so we will go to a special place so I can be with her. I bet I can help her get a better grade.

QBB says to laugh at her Squishmallows because she is 33. I say, “one of deez things is not like the others.”

Princess Aura 👑🐻🦋🐶

PS: She got a really nasty bacterial infection in her abdomen so she doesn’t feel too hot. Peez help me hope she gets better soon because it is hard to be sick when she’s so busy.

Subjects:We know there are MANY photos here but we felt compelled to share with you as we are sure you’d like to see how...
02/07/2024

Subjects:

We know there are MANY photos here but we felt compelled to share with you as we are sure you’d like to see how beautiful we doggos are over and over again. Our hoomans said dey did not want any photos taken without us so we got to be part of it all.

Frankly, we aren’t quite sure why anyone wants a photo without doggos

Vander Paws Girls

PS: Look how sappy Aura is looking at her hooman.

Subjects:I am working on my MBA—Master’s in Bacons Acquisitions. As you can see here, my first assignment is eating baco...
02/03/2024

Subjects:

I am working on my MBA—Master’s in Bacons Acquisitions. As you can see here, my first assignment is eating bacons from my desk. Once done, I will get my DBA, Doctorate of Bacons Acquisitions so I can be a Professor (STUPID ACADEMIA-I am already MOST qualified).

I am now confused, though. She works almost every day on homework and I don’t know what she’s doing because this is EASY. I don’t even have thumbs. She has 1.5 thumbs (one looks like a toe and does not match her other one—it looks so absurd even I feel bad for her).

Also, she is a stalker. She puts my face on all her stuff. Da Blonde Singer probably has a restraining order against her since she has STICKERS of her on da computer. Ok, I am going back to sleep because unlike her, my homework is DONE.

Queen Boo Boo 👑🥓🦋🐶

Subjects:Dis is da royal family portrait as of my birthday, January 27, 2024–the only appropriate date to have dem taken...
02/03/2024

Subjects:

Dis is da royal family portrait as of my birthday, January 27, 2024–the only appropriate date to have dem taken. So far, we have only received dis one but we must share it. I am obviously da most beautiful and da queen.

But my sisters are ok.

Queen Boo Boo 👑🥓🦋🐶

Hear ye! Hear ye! On behalf of the Vander Paws Girls, we are creating a new Paptional Holiday, this February 2–Pepper da...
02/02/2024

Hear ye! Hear ye!

On behalf of the Vander Paws Girls, we are creating a new Paptional Holiday, this February 2–Pepper da Rescue Royal’s Birthday (QBB wanted to call it Stinky Street Dog Day but she doesn’t have thumbs).

Pepper, despite all you have experienced, you bring nothing but joy wherever you go (except when you murder Aura’s bears). Your little eyes melt hearts and somehow, when I thought mine was full, it made room for you, too.

I promise to never leave you outside (even when you beg to stay in the snow for hours) or let someone else have you—you’re perfect just as you are (again, minus that murder thing). Here’s to you on your new birthday, Pepper-oni.

Love,

Your Mama & Fur-ever Family

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Subjects: You are not gonna believe what I have been relegated to. I am not allowed to go for a walk, well, not a “walk.” BUT, “Superior” Parent (now up for debate) decided he wanted to take a walk in da woods dis week. Ok, fine, just break da rules. I am fine. NO, he put me in Aura’s stupid clinging to her best friend dog carrier and lugged me around like a water bottle and trail mix. I cannot, frankly, believe he would do dis. I mean, I get now all doggos are beneath me LITERALLY but I am not luggage. You are gonna have to watch all 9 seconds to understand but you will get it. PLUS, I was STILL put in a sweater to keep warm. (As you know, clothes are not for doggos). Do not fear. He is in my dungeon. Queen Boo Boo 👑🥓🦋🐶

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