
09/01/2025
We interrupt Aunty Kris' Monday tip post for a very important announcement.
SHEEEEEEEE'S BAAAAAACK!
Yup, Aunty Pen here this week with 'Dick of the Week' and I'm gonna dive right in because I need to get it off my chest.
Last Friday Aunty Kris got a phone call from a lady, and I'm going to call her 'Karen' for reasons which will become evident shortly, telling her that she'd heard great things about Desperate Dogs, it seemed like just what she was looking for, and she wondered could she come and have a look around the facility, but without her dog, just to make sure it would be a fit?
Now, to some of you, that might not seem like an odd question, and it's one we field every now and again, but our answer is always the same.
"We can only do one evaluation a day, because we are a very small team and we have to fit evaluations in between the lengthy walks we do with the guest dogs we have staying. We have a wait list of evaluations, and so we only do evaluations when all the boxes are ticked, application is filled in, background work is done, and we feel there's a pretty good chance a dog is going to be a fit". This saves both our time and the clients' time and money so the policy has worked well for 16 years.
On this occasion, Kris introduced herself as managing partner at DD, told Karen that she'd be happy to answer any questions she might have but that she must first fill out the application online as it would give us a good idea about her dog, and its' needs, then she'd be happy to chat with her on the phone to explain what we do and go over any concerns.
Simple, right?
Yeah...you'd think.
But alas, not quite good enough for our Karen, who then texted my number, the other number listed on the website, and asked if she could arrange a tour of the facility without her dog as she is a very 'concerned pet parent'. I don't quite know how she felt that she was going to get a different answer from me, when she'd already spoken to the managing partner, but hey-ho, girlfriend fancied her chances, quite clearly.
I explained that we require an application form to be filled out before we do anything, and that we don't do tours of the facility without the dog present, because we need to meet the dog; once we have the application form we can go over any queries she might have, but first we need to know what we're dealing with in writing.
No disrespects to anyone who has a completely untrained aggressive 200 pound Presa Canario with a penchant for eating small dogs, cats and unsuspecting passers-by, you knock yourselves out if that's the kind of dog you want to have.....but we are a little more selective and don't want dogs like that around here. The application form tells us everything we need to know about the breed, dog's history, and how they react with other dogs in certain, clearly explained pin-pointed situations, giving us a chance to say 'no thanks' if we need to.
And the truth is, very often we do need to say 'no thanks' after reading the application form.
Five times last week, in fact.
Some dogs aren't ready for the off leash freedom, large play groups and natural environment of DD. Some dogs can't mix socially in the kind of play structure we have; they might be fine with certain dogs in a backyard setting or walking by other dogs on leash in the park, but that doesn't mean they'll be perfect gentlemen when that squirrel zips past at 50 miles an hour and the whole pack decide to go hell for leather after it.
Added to this, we occasionally get people cheekily asking if they can have a tour of the facility just to see what we do, simply because they're looking to open up their own place and want to steal our ideas. The lazy ba$tards can't be bothered to put themselves through years of school, learn the trade and go through the years of working pro-bono with rescues like we both did, all of which gives us a foundation of knowledge that allows us to handle dogs the way we do. Far easier to see what we've built, how we operate and then go home and try to copy it. Nope, they can bog off too, we don't entertain them either, and the application form helps us to discern the time wasters from the genuine dog loving parents who want to join the program.
And then lastly, you have the fact that we are a women-owned business operating from our home. Are we gonna let any old person in through the gates, just because they say they are prospective clients?
Nope. We want to verify their address, we check them out on their social media pictures to make sure they're not using a shock collar and then we use various other means to make sure that they are who they say they are. Only then, once we are satisfied, do we invite them for an evaluation.
Are we squirrelly about people? Yep we are, but these are crazy times and believe me, Kris and I are gonna let unchecked people into this place just as eagerly as you would let some dodgy geezer wearing a balaclava in through your own front door.
Safety first in all things, not just for us, but for the multitude of beautiful dogs we have in our care at any one time.
Genuine clients take comfort from all of the above, and tell us that our due diligence is what brings them here all the way from neighboring states.
The protocols we have for vetting new clients, the application form and getting clear, written answers to every question therein, are a non-negotiable.
It's a written account, in your own hand, (no room for misunderstanding like with a conversation where you can interrupt, sidetrack or fluff your way through the answers) of who your dog is and how he behaves, with plenty of space for you to explain any further information. We keep the application form for the life of the dog once they're in the program, it helps us to refer back to it constantly so that we can be always serving the dogs best interests, obviously.
Not quite good enough for Karen though, who told me that the questions on our application form were too 'situational' and she preferred to talk to someone.
Yep Karen, that's kinda the point. They're designed to give us the answers we need to see how your dog would be in THIS SITUATION. Fill out the application form, please.
"But my dog is a rescue and I'm worried he'll regress if the environment is wrong...he's made so much progress and I want to see DD and talk about my dog before I bring him."
"Karen, here's how it works...we get the form, we read it through very carefully, then we call you to discuss what you put on the form and ask deeper questions about any red flags we might have picked up on, and we go through any queries you might have. Then if it's a fit, we invite you for the evaluation. It's the way we do it for the safety of our client dogs. We have a strict policy and we stick to it ".
" WAAAAAAH WAAAAH WAAAH, but I don't want to fill out the form which would take me thirty minutes. Instead, I want to send you a load of really long texts, argue about it with you for the whole weekend and bitch unendingly about why you won't just do as I ask. I want it all my way, I demand it, and I'm going to scream louder and louder and throw all my toys out of the stroller until you do as I say".
Okay, okay, you got me.
She never actually said that last bit, but by the time I received the last 10,000 word text, that's what it felt like she was saying, and I was looking for a nearby gas oven to stick my head in. The sadder thing is, Kris and I can clearly see which dogs would have problems simply by the owners behavior. I'm guessing that poor Great Pyrenees of hers is trying to jump her fence 24/7.
The final text I got from her told me that my customer service skills were awful because I wouldn't do exactly as she wanted, when she wanted it. Well, it's true, my people customer service skills might be lacking when I'm dealing with entitled a$$holes, but you see, for one thing, life's too short for me to deal with anyone I don't want to deal with. We didn't start this business so we could let anyone else dictate the terms of our operation, or insist on us doing things that don't align with our safety considerations.
And two, the DOGS are our clients, and they pretty much adore us, so ya know, there's that.
I'm desolate to inform you that, because Karen didn't get the grovelling, subservient acquiescence she demanded, she decided to have nothing further to do with us. She was going to take her demands somewhere else. Both Kris and I have been crying non-stop since yesterday. Can someone pass the tissues, please?
Karen was last seen in Macys explaining how she wanted her their store credit policy totally restructured to suit her individual needs and asking why they wouldn't open at 4am so that she could fit her shopping around visits to the gym.
She was very loudly demanding to 'speak to the manager'.š¤£š¤£š¤£