11/23/2024
Love this post! love it. Count me in this same group, that grew up around the culture and has struggled with the realization that I don't bounce and get back on like I used to. Nor do I want to.
You have been lied to about confidence. Grossly mislead.
Lost your confidence? Not confident to ride anymore? You see, you used to be young (and dumb?). Jump on any horse and somehow, you're still alive.
"I can ride anything!" You used to feel. In that instance, your brain wondered what this state of invincibility was... and you looked to your left, to your right, and a horse-pro who does the same; meaning ride any horse, in any condition, in any state, in any way you want, feelings be damned, and they told you that this feeling was "Confidence".
They then used this concept of "Confidence", as the Boogie-Man against you. If the horse was nervous, it is because you're not confident. If the horse doesn't understand you, it is because you're not confident. If you feel anxious, it is because you're not confident.
Anything to hide the fact, that there were very real problems present under the surface. But it is easier to gaslight someone than to educate them, (or the horse).
Why then, later in life, when we become more cognisant of our safety, and our well-being, and hopefully the horses well-being too, do we then lose our confidence? A textbook definition of confidence is:
"the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something."
If your confidence is contingent on youth, ignorance of hazards, disregard for safety and well-being, and then your "Confidence" fly's the coop the minute those issues become important to you, your "Confidence" wasn't reliable in the first place. Meaning, your "Confidence" by definition was not confidence.
It was probably youthful hubris.
It takes absolutely no skill, no intelligence, to disregard your personal safety and get on hazardous horses. In fact, I used to be surrounded by such a horse culture. Folks who wore a badge of pride for their ability to survive sitting on the "craziest" or most dangerous, or behavioural horses on the farm... and live to tell the tale.
I remember one horse who was so grossly ill-matched and poorly prepared for her job, that to be mounted, three people had to hold her still while her rider took a running leap off a nearby hilly mound, and there were no brakes on this mare. It was baptism by fire, jigging and snorting and stamping and levading all day. This mare was in high distress. And her "riders" were only permitted to be "confident" riders, and would come back from those rides with a smug look of survivor arrogance on their face.
It was so, so, so gross to me.
These days I do not classify that as confidence. But Youthful Hubris, Pride, Arrogance, Carelessness, Irresponsibility.
You know what is the most confident thing you can do?
Say No to riding a horse who is clearly demonstrating that they are not safe, happy or comfortable for what you intend to do with them.
Hello? Am I getting through to us? Let me yell with capitol letters.
PEOPLE LITERALLY DIE RIDING POORLY PREPARED AND UNSAFE HORSES.
THEY DIE.
BEING WILLING TO FLIRT WITH DEATH WITH A HORSE IS NOT SYNONYMOUS WITH CONFIDENCE
And enough with the toxic gaslighting of people who demonstrate logical, clear, grounded awareness of their safety and then labelling them, grossly incorrect as;
"You're a Nervous Rider."
Well if being "Confident" by the definition of some people means we must disregard our safety, and the well-being of the horse, skip steps in training and Git On With-it, then I would rather be a Nervous Rider everyday of the week. Because I like my life. I love it actually. And I love horses. I love happy horses. I love over-faced horses only because I love horses, but I don't love that horses are over-faced and we call that "Ok." Or call an over-faced horse an "Advanced Ride". Bu****it. The world is upside down. FFS.
Here is what confidence is: it stays with you forever. Whatever you have, when all your arrogance, youthful hubris, fear conditioning, gaslighting, irresponsibility leaves you. That is what you are confident about.
And most of the people I know, are very confident. They are very confident, that they don't want their love of horses, and horse riding, to result in an early or painful death. Or egregious bodily harm.
That's confidence.
Also, having the confidence to say "No" to the toxic equestrian mislead culture as we know it, and to actually spend the time to educate a horse thoroughly, so they are prepared for the activities we lay out for them. To take the time to get to know horses before we ride them. To not ride horses unless we can make a pretty good check-on them, that they have the skills required to work under saddle safely.
Of course accidents happen. I could go outside and get hit by a meteorite. But that doesn't mean it is a good idea for me to go ride a comet. They are not the same probabilities. Not even close.
Speaking of confidence, remember that mare I described a few paragraphs of rant ago? The one who was an "Advanced Ride" only, who was hugely distressed in her work, grossly unprepared and very dangerous to handle?
I was once invited to ride her. They presented that to me like it was some sort of honour. Like they had decided I was skilled enough to go ride the comet, like I was now qualified enough to go risk my death.
Now I loved this horse. Because I love horses. I could see the potential in her, to be educated, to be safe, to be happy in her work. And I felt like I could do that with her in the right context.
I asked:
"What sort of ride is she scheduled for?"
"Well, you would guide a Day-Ride off of her. With a group of five clients behind you. You would ascend to 1600m above sea level, stop for lunch, and return via the National Park."
"Ok. And what is the level of the riders booked."
"Beginners. Walk only."..
"I would love to work with this mare. But not in that context. That sounds like su***de."
And for that I was labelled as not confident enough. I agreed with their assessment from their point of view. I am certainly not unscrupulous enough to do that.
