06/12/2024
Most stories of abuse are just thatāstories. Guesses made by owners due to skittish/nervy behavior that they then connect to what they think seems like a good fit to have caused it.
Some stories are relayed by unethical rescues/shelters to pull the emotional heartstringsābased on no knowledge of actual abuse, but simply a dog who *could* fit the description.
And then there are the small minority of stories of actual abuse based on verifiable evidence.
Problem is, none of it is helpful for the dog. Not even the tiny amount of the real thing.
Because once we view a dog through the lens of being unfairly and cruelly victimized, true or not, all of our abilities to treat the dog as a regular dogāa creature who needs structure, rules, accountability, guidance, and leadershipāgo out the window.
Actually, let me say this. These skittish, nervous, anxious, confidence-challenged dogs need the above stuff far more than the happy-go-lucky-dog who is far more capable of navigating the world successfully with far less human input.
But once we engage in feeling sorry for themādue to the storyāwe start to shield, to overly-protect, to hold them to far lower standards and often allow them to hide from life and remain stuck, small, scared creatures.
Afterall, whose going to be the monster who forces an āabusedā dog to endure the necessary discomfort to move past their challengesāreal, imagined, or genetic? Not to mention, so many owners find so much attention and virtue points through the constant retelling and living of the story, that theyāre often unconsciously incentivized to keep their dogs broken.
Dogs who are struggling, for any reason, are dogs who are in desperate need of our help. But not the babying, coddling, shielding āhelpānoāthey need the real help, the less comfortable help, the help that will garner no positive attention or virtue points for you, but will most certainly cultivate the skills and confidence these dogs need to actually face our world, and to do so at the highest possible level, with the highest possible quality of life.
The best questions to ask yourself if you find yourself either on the receiving end of the story, or on the creation end, is āAnd?ā. Because this simple question reveals all the flaws in the focus and maintenance of the story. Itās a simple question of āHow does this story help, and what would be best the course of action to *actually* help the dog. It focuses on the here, the now, the what can actually be changed, rather than the past, the broken, and what we (THINK or ENSURE) we are stuck with.
Drop the story and youāll be far better equipped to actually help the dog you profess to be so concerned about. ā¤ļø
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