06/03/2022
12 years ago today my life, my family, me, changed forever.
I had no idea about anything at all after that phone call. There are no words wor the pain. Something is litterely ripped out of every essence of your being. Your body, your heR, your spirit, your soul. You feel it in every way possible physically, emotionally, spiritually. And it never stops. It softens in time, but you still get the full impact of what you are able to take with out it killing you in occasional waves. You can't feel it all at once, its impossible. I thank God for that. As it was I wasn't really conscious for i don't even know how long. The first time any of us laughed was the 4the of July. It felt so wrong , almost had a panic attack.
My beautiful boy, my heart, the best thing I've done in this live, my children. And now one ripped away. You can't see after that, almost can't remember how to walk. I have learned I can still live life. I can laugh, and enjoy life, people, day by day. I try to keep those I love closer, because I don't want to loose them and time is so precious. I never want another phone call like that, and sadly I have since had a few.
I tried to honor Christopher through living, through giving, and for counting my blessings, to appreciate every moment..
Though I can't see him,, i feel him,, I talk to him all of the time. Not a days go by.
Today is his Angel Day. When he traded wheels for wings. Doing something bigger than I could ever understand. All I have to do is step outside and look at the stars, where I feel instant comfort and love. His love and know he's smiling down at me with that kwirky smile and sparkling eyes.
I love and miss you Christopher. And so very honored to be your mom.
Love you forever honey to the end of time β€ππ¦πΏπ»