Holistic Equine Relationship Development - HERD

07/12/2024

Your new "ethical" choices are not weapons for you to use against others.

There are sweeping changes, a tide swelling, within the community of horse-loving people. We are learning. We are growing. We are opening our eyes. We are realising.

We are realising that the things we used to do, were a problem for the horses. We realised that how we used to train, ride, keep and handle horses is no longer how we want to do it. So we learn. We sought mentors and teachers. We grew. We changed.

But just because we changed, doesn't mean everyone has to change in identical fashion to us. Nobody has to follow you on your exact path. Good training, can look like so many different things.

Your new choices you deem more ethical, are your new choices. They may not be someone else's choices. You are not permitted to weaponise your new choices against others. I mean, you can do what you like. I guess what I am saying, is that I do not personally or professionally condone that conduct.

I know it is tough. Because you see someone doing something with a horse, and they are laughing, or continuing unaware of their horses signs of pain, distress or discomfort. You want to help them. You want this person to stop harming horses AND to avoid the same mistakes you made.

So you make a comment. It comes out of you passive-aggressive even though in your heart you meant it with kindness.

So you make a face. You tried to not be bitchy, but you judged the others anyway, you judged them as Less-Than you because their choices are different.

So you come and tell them what they should and should not be doing, unsolicited. After all, you deem their behaviour ignorant and harmful, and deem your choices superior and well-informed.

That. Is. Abusive.

That. Is. Disrespectful.

That. Is. Demonstrating. That. You. Have. Not. Changed.

You used to force, or manipulate horses to your will. Now you force and manipulate other peoples horses to your will through anti-social tactics against other people. Usually these other people are your friends, acquaintances or even clients.

You used to be unaware of your impact on horses. Now you are unaware of your impact on others.

You used to be harsh on people who didn't dominate or force their horses like you. Now you are harsh on people who don't work softly and correctly with horses like you.

Let people have their journey. Let people experiment. Let people try. Let people find out for themselves. Let people explore their options and maybe even (gasp) allow other people to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Be there for them when they screw up, if they screw up.

But peering through the curtains, raising your eyes, saying Shoulda-Woulda-Coulda's AT them when they did not ask for your help... is not helpful.

Let me say this very clearly.

To my students. My friends. My colleagues. My clients. The people who have bought a course, done lessons, subscribe to services and content. Attended a clinic. Anyone who has passed through Emotional Horsemanship or Lockie or Lockie adjacent. I speak directly to you. If this shoe fits, wear it. If it does not, I do not speak about you.

I, Lockie Phillips, DO NOT CONDONE you weaponising my teachings, or my methods against people who are making different choices with their horses. Yes, even if you think they are harming their horses. I do not condone, support or encourage you employing manipulative, passive aggressive, aggressive, bitchy, high-schoolish, mean-girlish, tactics to "tell" others that they are making bad choices and should do it like us instead. I do not condone it. I do not do that. And if I do it unintentionally, I apologise, and rectify my behaviour. I do not support, encourage or expect my community to engage in toxic judgemental behavioural patterns with their friends, clients, community or acquaintances. At all. Dot com. Ever.

If you are doing this in my name or in the name of my methods, please stop. Stop. And apologise. How you represent yourself, and us, matters. Stop throwing fuel on the fire.

Now, what to do instead?

You identify that you do not like what someone else around you is doing with their horses? Here is what you can do.

1. Lead by example. Practice with YOUR horses and focus on your results.
2. If they ask you for help, and you are able to help them, then help them without condescending or patronising them. Help them as equals, or do not help them at all.
3. Reach out to them, in a friendly manner, and ask them if they are open to your feedback. If they are, present the feedback in an open way too. You might be wrong.
4. If you recognise a real situation of active abuse or neglect, go to authorities, if this owner is not open to guidance, support or direction. Authorities might be barn managers, their trainer, or Animal Control.

These are the actions I have taken in the past.

I speak to you as someone who is very harsh on the problematics practices in our industry, but who tries (and often fails) to be as soft as possible with the people. 99% of the time, when someone stands in front of me asking for help, and I see them doing or engaging in something that I deem problematic, I muster my self-control to help and support them.

Where do I draw the line?

If someone asked for my help, and we are many months or years into cooperation, and they consistently won't let go of a problematic practice despite my best efforts to engender new practices, and then they demonstrate a poor or rude attitude to me at a personal level around my feedback, I draw a boundary. My boundaries are immediate, hard and clear. But I put huge effort into someone else before I do that.

But I do this out in the open. And if I go too far and become harsh or judgmental on them personally, I apologise.

But I do not condone, that this growing community, become another Ethically Swinging Horsemanship community that is famous for being elitist, judgemental, or poor in their behaviours towards others. I have felt that first hand, had death threats out of such communities. It is the reason those communities do not grow.

Be good in community.
Control your judgement.
Exercise respectful discernment and support of others.

04/17/2024

Something to reflect on

Our horses do not owe us Hope.
Our horses do not owe us Pleasure.
Our horses do not owe us Rides.
Our horses do not owe us Work.
Our horses do not owe us Behaviours.
Our horses do not owe us The Things We Want Right Now.
Our horses do not owe us Transitions.
Our horses do not owe us Correctness.
Our horses do not owe us Manners.
Our horses do not owe us Respect.
Our horses do not owe us Achievements.
Our horses do not owe us Relationships.
Our horses do not owe us Bonds.
Our horses do not owe us Collection.
Our horses do not owe us Connection.
Our horses do not owe us Training.
Our horses do not owe us Fitness.
Our horses do not owe us... nothing.

Anything we get from horses, is earned. Not owed. Earned.

I have opinions. They belong to me. They probably belong to only me. If they trigger you. That trigger belongs to you. Not to me. This is my truth. It is probably not your truth. I share my truth to share my truth. I do not share my truth to change your truth.

I don't want to change your truth. That belongs to you. Not to me. Because you do not owe me Change. I am not entitled to your - dear readers - attention, time, energy, affirmations, acceptance, agreement, augmentation or consideration.

YOU do not owe my opinions your attention, time, energy, affirmation, acceptance, agreement, augmentation or consideration.

Dear deeply caring horse owner, 2024 is the year I invite us all to take our energy back.

We have Octopus'd our energy. Spread it outside of ourselves. Making our sticky hands and sticky fingers fiddling and meddling in things that are not ours. Not only is this disrespectful (in my opinion) to others. But all it does it hollow you. You become a wasted, burned out shell. Because you are spending your attention, time, energy, affirmations, acceptance, agreement, augmentation and consideration on things you should not spend them on.

Take care.

Take care of what is right in front of you.

Only what is in front of you.

Because we owe our horses, and ourselves one thing and one thing only.

Peace.

Eye roll if you want. If you want to eye roll, I honour that, I bid you enjoy your chaos. You can keep it. Would you like to take mine too? I don't want my chaos. But I won't give my chaos to you. Because you don't owe me that. And I keep my hands and feet to myself. I don't meddle in your world unless you ask me. And if you ask me, I ask 10,000 questions before I come inside.

We owe horses peace.
We owe horses peace.
We owe horses peace.

We owe ourselves peace too.

04/09/2024

https://horsesport.com/magazine/behaviour/when-good-horses-say-no/amp/?fbclid=IwAR1QTqFld-q5MZhx6BZX5iqQao1lUk_cIHxsVi5OmP3tWYdx1erSg5PW7vg_aem_AdJMaY4MIT1zWimiuChgnpt3kbKedIGQ9Ce3pBwQ-hJR9qKzmvIrSD3p01tRdZtoVTrUGbD6zuJ6oNjD4joK93lg

Great article

Some physiological and psychological reasons for a horse’s deteriorating performance, and why we might miss some red flags.

04/02/2024

My dear friend Chelsea Sherman suffered a devastating loss this morning when a tornado … Laura Palazzolo needs your support for Help Hidden Rose Farm Rebuild!

03/27/2024

So, you've been HOLDING SPACE

We have been learning how to hold space. According to 'Psychology Today', Holding space is a practice of making space for somebody else's experience and centering them. To hold space, one must be fully present and create a safe environment. Once the circumstances are created, holding space fosters listening and empathizing.

But there is a problem with Holding Space.

If we have been walking out of a life experience where we DIDN'T hold space... where we did not know how to center the experience of an other, where we were not in safe places, where we did not empathise, then yes, learning how to Hold Space is super important for creating positive social emotional connections... with humans and with horses.

It is possible we start holding too much. We make ourselves into a container. People, and horses, will trauma dump on us. Make us- the Space Holders -responsible for them and their stuff. We carry the baggage of others. We even see someone else training their horse in a manner and way we find troublesome, and then we apologise to the horse we have, for what someone else is doing, and then forge a training approach around our apology for existing.

Space Holding can go too far. For some of us, it is second nature to center others. It is second nature to forge safe places by strong boundaries of protection. For some of us, empathy is a language we have lived with always. We do not need further pushing or social conditioning to do more of it. Because those of us for whom Space Holding comes easy, if we focus too much on it, we stop being Space Holders and start being containers for exploitation.

No.

My dear, sensitive, intelligent, talented, empathic horse people. 2024, is the year we call it back.

A client recently described an experience where she let go of a social pressure to Hold Space for others in a way which was detrimental to her and her horse. And instead made a different choice centered not on the needs of them, but on her needs.

She said her internal dialogue felt like;
"I'll take that back please"

We cannot Hold Space for others in a balanced and appropriate way if we have not met our own needs first. Our own needs of four dimensional safety (Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual). You cannot give from an empty cup.

So this is the year I an encouraging us all to practice the very important healing phrase of;
"No."

I will take that back now.

My sanity.

My safety.

My authenticity.

My talents.

My feelings.

My ideas.

My spaces.

I will take those back now. I will not Hold Space for everything, every man and his dog and all activities under the sun. I cannot. We cannot. We are not that powerful.

Instead be discerning. Some things we hold space for, some things we do not. And that is ok.

03/23/2024

Almost all the people I teach are women. Many of them in middle to older life, and often experiencing the joys of menopause.

I regularly hear apologies from them for who they are. Sorry I am not as strong as I once was, Sorry I am not as brave as I once was. Sorry I don't learn as quickly as I once did.

Whether those things are useful to tell ourselves is something to consider. Very often a lack of bravery results in a much greater desire to learn skills, tact and nuance. Strength must be replaced with knowledge and understanding. And new learning actually sits on years of experience and accumulated wisdom.

And these women are so familiar with the things they do, that they don't realise quite how incredible they are.

Invariably they have driven themselves and their horses to the clinic. In trailers or lorries. down winding lanes and on packed dual carriageways. In some places I teach they get on a ferry - with their horse in their trailer. This is no mean feat.

They are trying to understand how to make better sense to a half tonne flight animal and doing it while sitting on their back. In coming to learn from someone like me me, they're doing this without the use of forceful equipment or punitive methods, so it's about improving themselves - that's not the norm.

They are often exposing their learning to public scrutiny - being witnessed in not knowing something and then working the answer out. Being seen sometimes to be frightened, or unsure, or in the first stages of learning something. Most people do not expose themselves to that at any stage of their life.

They are out first thing in the morning and last thing at night, feeding, mucking out, fixing fencing, waiting for the vet, smashing freezing troughs, checking temperatures and hauling wet heavy rugs around. They are often doing this alongside working very hard, caring for kids or parents, making ends meet in a million different ways.

They live unusual lives, doing things most of the population can't even imagine. I hope they sometimes get a glimpse of how incredible they actually are.

Photo shows Jane Dotchin who I am not fortunate enough to know in person, but who inspires me each year with her mammoth adventures.

03/15/2024

03/04/2024

Developing Intuition.

The further I go on in life with horses, the more often it seems intuition takes over and the answer to the head scratching just appears. Often at 3am.

Intuition is not a magical gift some people have and other don't. We all have in-built sensing and knowing, it comes as a given by dint of being alive. Every animal is aware of many things in their related sphere without having to make a concerted effort to 'notice'.

All creatures can tap into a naturally gifted perception regarding 'What is the most likely thing to occur next'. It's what allows horses to run from possible danger before it occurs, wolves to best guess which direction deer are most likely to head, your dog to lift their head from their bed long before your car pulls into the driveway.

But, most humans have had these natural skills knocked out of us. We have been advised not to pay attention. To our bodies, our environments, the bigger picture of life around us. We learn early doors to not respond to our physical needs, not to go to the loo when we need to, not to eat when we're hungry, not to sleep when we're tired. We tell those messages from our bodies to pipe down and shut up, and sit in that uncomfortable chair for hours at a time and don't listen to your complaining back.

The flip side of this is the cultural call to numb ourselves in honour of 'ease'. In his incredible book 'Ways of Being Alive', Baptiste Moritz describes our consumer culture preoccupation on comfort, and how this has also ensured we are NOT aware. A life without challenge allows us to not to pay attention, not to be aware. To go through life comfortable, and essentially asleep. Actually not even asleep - comatose.

Intuition with horses is a combination of awareness and knowledge gathered.

I was going to write experience, but someone can have ridden for 30 years and call themselves experienced, but have very little knowledge.

Both the development of awareness and the gathering of knowledge require practice. Practice requires actually doing, Not trying to do, not thinking about doing, not reading about doing, but actually doing.

Intuition is borne out of a life of practice, a commitment to re-discovering our powers of awareness, and a hunger to gain knowledge. It is something within us, but which requires nurture and input and being prepared to feel all the discomfort.

Most of my 3am wake up thoughts are about whether I have left the gate open. I never have, but there is nothing like a nighttime walk in your PJ's to sharpen the senses.

02/27/2024

You have value too.
Otherwise known as, this mess we’re in.

What does it mean to be ‘in relationship’ with a horse?

Many of us are clear it doesn’t mean forcing horses to do things even though they’re physically uncomfortable, physiologically stressed or psychologically wobbled.

It doesn’t mean placing your goals above their welfare. It doesn’t mean treating them like machines to win rosettes until they can’t anymore and then dispensing with them. Or drilling them in repetitive ways until they submit. This side of the coin is so clear it doesn’t require spelling out (at least typically not to the people who visit this page).

However, what’s it’s alxo not is the human completely disappearing and acting as if only the horse exists.

It doesn’t mean handing over all responsibility to the horse and expecting them to work it all out. Or placing so little value on your own safety and welfare that you allow yourself to get injured or hurt in pursuit of relationship,

The pendulum always has a tendency to swing too far in either direction.

The desire to do right by the horse and prioritise relationship is leaving some horse and human partnerships in a bit a of mess.

Horses who can’t find the edges of the person also can feel scared and unsure. They can’t be in relationship with someone who’s made themselves so small they’re almost non-existent. Who is so focused on the good feeling in the horse that they don’t feel able to say ‘That doesn’t feel good for me’. I see enough partnerships to be sure that the paradox of this is that this actually feels bad for horses too.

When a horse don’t understand who this person is or how to relate to them, they can also end up existing in a state of panic. They may hurt humans or themselves as a result of this. They may shut down in response to this sensation, It doesn’t feel good to be with someone who values themselves so little that you can hurt them - and they don’t respond.

A relationship requires there to be two souls present. It requires a negotiation and understanding that BOTH of you have value.

And where this differs from adult human relationships is that you’re the major shareholder - you’re the responsible party. You chose this, not your horse.

If we’re not careful we may end with a horse who’s just as unhappy as a result of our desire to foster ‘relationship’ as one who’s being asked to perform.

In both cases the actual needs of the horse have been forgotten. The need to feel clear. The need to feel safe. The need to know they’re in partnership with someone who has BOTH their collective backs

It’s normal for pendulums to swing too far in either direction before they come to rest in the middle. We just need to be aware this is what’s happening.

02/23/2024

Today I want to talk about the problem with being really good at taking care of horses:

You will have to decide when their life ends.

Not always - once in a blue moon a horse will do you the favor of tipping over quietly and instantly. I've seen it happen. It happened to our Perry last year, who was about 30 years old, and laid down and left the world in excellent weight with a shiny coat, sounder than the day he arrived, and no apparent issue that would have prompted a call to the vet.

But most of the time, when you're good enough at taking care of horses that your horses live to be 25+, you will have to make the call. Not only is this a big responsibility, but it's so hard for some people that animal control is kept busy every day with situations like horse owners who cannot accept reality and call the vet for a horse who can no longer get up on his own, or hasn't even tried for days. While you probably would make a better choice if you're here on my page - my content does tend to attract horsepeople who think mostly with their heads - I think we can all understand the emotions that make someone think, well, let's just call the fire department for help getting him up. Look, he's eating, he wants to live!

(Wanting to live does not = not wanting to die by starvation. They are two different things, even for human beings.)

Since we're mostly a senior horse sanctuary at this point, I'm going to share the guidelines we use here and maybe they will help someone else. There are other rescues with different standards, and we align with that more when it goes in the direction of "a day too soon" than months too late. This is just what we think, not necessarily the one true answer, and it's all debatable obviously because it tends to be a hot button issue -- but we need to normalize the discussion because that helps people make better and more humane choices for their animals.

Lameness: A horse can live quite happily, unridden, with a bit of chronic lameness even on a straight line - if that level of lameness is not inhibiting him from normal behavior. What's normal behavior? When the herd runs, he runs - he isn't gimping along far behind the others at a creaky trot. He still has a buck & fart in him on a cold morning. He can get down for a good roll and get up again without falling or needing assistance. He doesn't look worse than stiff like an old person would be at the walk - he isn't head-bobbing lame. He doesn't have a leg so arthritic that it looks like the letter C. He gets some pain management drugs if needed and he gets a quality joint supplement. Ideally he lives on turnout or if that's absolutely not available, someone gets him out of the stall every day for a long walk that will help him not to feel so stiff.

I saw a video from another "rescue" of a horse that was three legged lame trying to get back to the barn (on a downhill, ffs) at the most painful walk I have ever seen, and they thought it was great that he was such a "fighter." Ugh, no, he's only "fighting" because he has no way to put himself down.

Colic: Look, call it early. Either you have the money to go to the hospital, or you need to put them down if there's no improvement in a few hours. If they're really painful, that window of time is shorter. Horses have varying pain tolerances and there is absolutely the drama llama that will look like they are going to die for sure when the vet arrives and after an oiling and a walk, are perfectly fine and screaming for food six hours later. (Don't feed them. As a vet I know says, nothing ever died from not eating for 24 hours, but a lot of horses die from colic.)

Either way, you cannot screw around - get the vet out, make a decision. I do not think anybody is a bad person for not racing horses to the hospital for thousands of dollars they simply may not have any access to. We don't do it. If there's an infinite amount of money somewhere, we surely have not identified its location and we understand that many horse owners are in the same boat. A swift veterinary euthanasia is never a morally wrong choice, full stop - our duty to our horses is to prevent suffering, not make sure they live to see the next election. They don't care.

Accidents: These are hard. Your vet is going to explain to you all of the rehab options available to you -- that's their job. If a horse is 30 years old and steps in a gopher hole, do you really think a year of stall rest is how he wants to spend the last part of his life? Would you? We always have to think about the fact that a horse is designed to run with friends. If the odds are they'll never have that ability back - call it. It's going to be the right thing for both the horse and your financial situation. It absolutely pains me to see someone, often someone who doesn't have much of an income to begin with, bankrupting themselves trying to keep an animal alive. I know they are your best friend. I know death sucks. But you're not giving them a quality of life they even want, and you're annihilating your own life. It is absolutely fine to make the call.

Neurological conditions: This is a hot button for me. I cannot comprehend people keeping a horse alive who walks sideways, falls down, loses control of his hind end, etc. Please stop. A horse isn't you - he can't lie in bed comfortably, scrolling Instagram reels and watching reality television when he's unable to move around safely due to an injury or illness. It's incredibly scary for a horse to be out of balance and at risk of falling. He is a prey animal in nature - one of his intrinsic needs is being able to run away from a threat. If the neurological issues are from a disease like EPM, you can certainly try treatment but you should see improvement within a month or so if it's going to happen. If the neurological issues are from an injury and not getting any better - please, please do the right thing and put them down before they get stuck in a fence with a broken leg or neck from falling the wrong way. You do not want that to be your last memory of them.

Foals with serious problems: I could write pages on this but I already addressed some of it in my recent post about things you should know about if you're going to breed. A foal that will be permanently crippled has a very poor chance of any quality of life or of being fed and cared for and not coming to a bad end. If the vet can correct the issue with surgery, and you can afford the surgery, and it has a good chance of success, by all means go for it. But sometimes all you're doing is creating a $10,000 pasture pet that someone will have to care for forever, and the number of people who want to take care of any pasture pet (even their OWN that they used to show and compete with!) is a tiny percentage of the horse owning population and getting smaller by the day. No one enjoys putting down a foal but it's always a possible outcome when you breed your mare.

While I'm on this topic, please stop keeping mares alive long enough to give birth if something has gone horribly wrong for them. If they can't walk, put them down. I saw some moron once that had a pregnant DSLD mare in a sling after her tendons ruptured because they just had to get that baby. This is animal cruelty.

General quality of life: Sometimes there is not one specific bad thing, but a collection of things. Your elderly horse is arthritic and needs a lot to keep them comfortable day to day. They've also got Cushing's and need daily meds. Now they have a chronic eye issue. They won't take meds in food. Every day, you have a struggle trying to syringe meds into their mouth and treat their eye, while they bang you against the fence. You do all this just for them to continually rub the eye, making it worse, no matter what kind of hooded contraption you put on their head. The vet is at your house constantly, trying to patch this horse back together. You can't afford it and, worse yet, the horse isn't getting any better. At a certain point, some of them just sort of melt down - it's very common with the Cushing's horses, because that disease tends to make them prone to other infections. If there is a lot wrong, every day is a struggle to treat the issues, and there's no improvement, it may be time to make the call.

They just quit: Sometimes, without a clear diagnosis even after you spend the money for bloodwork and have carefully examined the mouth and the vitals, horses just quit. They go off food. They start staring into the middle distance. They don't interact with other horses anymore. They are borderline cranky or just dull to everything. I've seen them where they'll only eat cookies, and are even unenthusiastic about that. The life has left their eyes. We all want a diagnosis, but sometimes you are not going to get one, and you will have to call it. It's just part of being a senior horse owner. You can certainly necropsy, if you can afford it, and that may give you a clear answer, but when we see horses in this state who are not in this state due to long term starvation and neglect - if they are normal weight and well cared for but acting like this? Our experience is they are not coming back, and it is time.

What things have you seen and experienced that let you know it was time to make the call? Pictured is Orca, who is 38 and has Cushing's and looks old, but runs toward her breakfast mush like this every morning. She is making it clear she isn't done yet, and the day that changes, we'll help her out of this world into the next.

01/25/2024

This is an interesting reflection.

EMPATHY WEIGHTLIFTING

There is a horsemanship trope that I take a critical look at, because I think it is overused.

"The horse is our mirror"

Can nobody see how selfish this might become? One of the primary traits of a narcissist is thinking that the whole world is a reflection of you, and that the world responds to you in your image.

I understand the deeper intention behind that trope. The intention is (was) to listen to the horse and the feedback they give us because they are often attempting to tell us something about ourselves that needs attention.

I spent a long time at that party. So long that I started to see everything "wrong" that a horse did as my fault. A non-narcissistic, selfless-by-default person will do this. If they use the trope of "horse as my mirror" without balance or perspective, they go too deep into that correction and become completely incapacitated by self doubt, stuck on worry, and an inability to move forwards. Because the trope of "The horse is your mirror" is a lesson that works best on a different sort of horse person. This lesson works best on the horse person who habitually has never reflected on their actions, never demonstrated applied empathy, never wondered if they have an affect on their horse they didn't intend to have. The mirror lesson, then, is very effective at bringing balance to such a person.

But you see, I am not that person. And the people I work with aren't either. We are self-reflecting by default. We are cautious by nature. We know that we have an affect on others and concern ourselves deeply with what others think or feel about our actions. The "Horse is your mirror" lesson then sends us shame spiralling. It sends us to an incapacitated place of over-corrected and misplaced softness, until someone less reflective than us says.... "Just get on with it. You're too soft." Because the lesson of "The horse is your mirror" is designed to work beautifully for the people it is designed for, and confirm the failures of the people it is not designed for. It is a social control construct deeply entrenched in aspects of equestrian culture.

No. I reject that.

What is the alternative?

I am still exploring this. But a Coaching Call this morning with Australia gave me sudden clarity on how I teach this and why. Maybe it was the fresh cup of coffee, or the horses below my window gently munching hay, or the fact that I was presented with, for the 10,000'th time another horse person who had over corrected with the Mirror Trope, that I finally found clear language for it.

Empathy Weightlifting. We talk about physical biomechanics. Not many know emotional biomechanics. This is sort of the hole I am digging deepest in. The hill I am probably going to die on.

When you are around your horse, your deep mammalian body wisdom will feel what your horse feels. I believe this is the “first language”. There is inference to this in emotional neuroscience literature. That awareness came before behavioural actions.

Some call it energy. Intuition. Somatics. I use emotional awareness and intelligence. You can use all these terms and more.

But your body will pick up on your horses feeling tone and emotional state. Whether you can consciously bring awareness to this awareness will depend on a few things:
- your willingness
- your ability to quieten your intellectual monkey-mind
- your self awareness
- your ability to identify what you feel

Because you have feelings. Your horse has feelings. The horse does not only reflect back to you yourself. Your horse also contributes their stuff to horsemanship. Their stuff can have nothing to do with your influence. If it is true, that your horse feels what you feel. Then that is a two way street. You will feel what your horse feels.

YOU can also be a mirror to YOUR HORSE, as much as your horse can be a mirror to you.

Getting out of our own way, and dropping into a state of somatic surrender until you can quieten your socially conditioned monkey mind to actually FEEL your horse, is what I call Empathy Weightlifting. Emotional Biomechanics. FEEL. Feel is the Holy Grail of all horsemanship and contrary to stoic belief systems, it can be taught.

FEEL is dead on arrival if you have left your emotions at the gate, or make horsemanship an intellectual or mechanical exercise.

But you can build your empathy muscle, weight lift it, one courageous reach of awareness at a time until you can actively identify what feelings are yours and what feelings are your horses.

We do this often effortlessly. Especially when our brain is in play. Humour is the easiest way to hijack your empathy and embark on a journey of attributing emotional meaning to your horses actions and awareness. It bypasses effort and goes straight to empathy. But to become aware of your horses negative feelings requires strength. It is a discipline. And requires a structured skill set. One that I teach every day. And one that I am teaching others how to teach, too.

The things horses tell me are often surprising. I list a few examples here for your perusal.

- multiple horses at clinics who came up to me, deeply curious and shared the feeling of
“You are different. And this is so nice. So civilised. I feel so comfortable. I am enjoying this. Thank you”

- Horses who found corners and fences and stayed there because “the yolk and the stable is the only thing I know and find some comfort in, while everything changes. Freedom feels scary, even if it is natural to me”.

- A horse telling me that quiet communication is confusing because they only barely begun to understand being yelled at. And they are too exhausted to learn a new language right now.

- A horse telling me that their human is too pre-occupied with themselves to listen to them, and it exhausts them.

- A horse saying that their legs hurt, and they gave up trying to work through it.

- a horse sharing their confusion, their body was born broken, anything they give is through grace alone, not ability. Their body is broken and they don’t know why. And it was nobodies fault.

I know if you are reading this, you are probably nodding your head. Because unless you are wildly pre-occupied with your own stuff you will have had very similar experiences. The difference is that most of us are conditioned to shrug it off as irrelevant, or craziness, or untrue or not scientific. Many of us have trained ourselves to tune out our original language.

But I might just be mad enough to train it with discipline and use it the same way I would use a rein or leg aid when riding. And it is so, so SO enjoyable to work with.