12/02/2023
Copy and pasted
âMaybe Iâm not cut out for this.â
The horse industry is an animal all itâs own, and being a horse trainer isnât for the faint of heart. It is full of tough horses, and even tougher people. Itâs full of tough situations, especially if youâre an intern, so hungry to learn that you will happily suffer through whatever means necessary to be good at what you do.
Youâre probably someone who has endless energy with a work ethic to match; a drive only shear determination can fuel. But the long days and endless nights catch up sometimes, and leave you more tired than usual. You may feel that you fall short of others expectations, the people you look up to and work so hard to please never quite satisfied. You crave criticism, but acceptance too, and you canât help but wonder if this was meant for you. The luck never seems to catch up. No matter how hard you try to master each maneuver horseback, itâs never quite right.
The dissatisfaction leaves you wondering, âam I good enough?â
They say you have to have a backbone of steel to be a horse trainer. Ice water in your veins and fire in your eyes. You have to stand tall, be callous in the face of adversity. You canât let people or horses hurt your feelings, because if your pride is fragile, you wonât make it long. You canât let the difficult people or horses that challenge you make you think less of yourself. You canât let the injuries that sideline your champion hopefuls from the arena stop you from moving forward. You canât let the heartbreaking decision to put down the best horse you ever had kill your try.
Many times these exact things are what make someone ask if the dream in their heart is really what God intended for them. Do you choose to keep going, or do you choose to let go?
But donât mistake; itâs not a fear of struggle, because you know that it takes struggle in this business to climb to the top of the mountain. It is, however, a fear of failure, to never make the climb at all. You question if you will fail at the thing you love in the world the most, fail the people and horses that came before you and believed in you, and gave you that impossible dream to begin with.
In your worst moments you will question if all the hours, years, sweat, blood and tears were for nothing. If striving for excellence was ever an attainable goal. Most of all you will question yourself; am I cut out for this?
There are things you donât question though. Like lightbulb moments on the back of a good c**t, a reminder that you are capable. You donât question the long nights with great friends that turn into family, living proof that there are people who want you to win. You donât question the sweet moments of victory, the payoff after months of hard work come to life to the arena. You certainly donât question answered prayers; a mentor who refuses to give up on you, a horse finally sound after a year off, your first real owner to send you something to ride, the satisfaction of watching your friends succeed and being there to cheer them on.
I want you to know that despite everything that might be going wrong, you can find the silver linings. You can find peace in the early mornings and late nights in the barn alone. The horses are always waiting for you, with nickers and soft eyes that greet you everyday without judgement. They are always there, asking for treats in exchange for using their shoulder to cry on. There is no denying the freedom they give you when youâre on their back, or by simply being in their presence. Thereâs no denying the happiness they add to your life, the fulfillment and purpose they give you that youâll never be able to pay back.
I think thatâs when you know, when you heart swells with unconditional love and gratitude. In those quiet moments alone, with one of Godâs greatest creations, you realizeâŚ
âMaybe Iâm not cut out for this, but maybe I am.
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If you read this far, thank you! One of my passions aside from horses, is writing, and I hope that this resonates with someone. So many great trainers have all told me the same thing about dreams; whatever you do, donât give up.
Written by
Sarai Angelle
